Doing people a favour.......

We have some (wealthy) relatives who invited invited themselves to our house one Christmas Eve. They brought four cans of lager and proceeded to
eat and drink us out of house and home. Whenever we have gone out with them and the rest of the family they hang back so that their turn to buy a round is last, hoping everyone will have had enough. Like I said, they are
quite wealthy, none of the rest of the family is.

yup

I am now partially disabled but am still available to friends to cook and cater for them. The ideas i gave this 'lady' for canapés were;;; all bite size,, smoked salmon and 4 cheese quiches, roasted cherry tomato tarts, mini spicy meatballs, homemade mini sausages,(various herbs and spiced) wrapped in streaky bacon and roasted in a honey and garlic glaze. she mailed me back saying she did not want soggy canapés and chewy bread,,,, am I missing something here, don't see anything to do with bread there. Also our hall holds 60/65 max, she has sent out 130plus invitations. I think i need to get out of this, but how??? I am the worst liar in the world!!!!

I have heard some awful stories on expat forums about 'friends' inviting themselves to stay for a week or more, expecting to be picked up at the airport and fed, wined and entertained every day. Many of the hosts are working or running businesses so it really is inconvenient. Very often, the guests produce a bottle of cheap wine as they are leaving.
I invite only people I know are real friends to my home and we agree who will pay for what before they come, so there is no embarrassment.
I love driving in the Alps so it is no inconvenience to me and I thoroughly enjoy their company.
I only had one bad experience, when I first moved to France and a former colleague at the Inland Revenue invited herself to stay with me. I had not heard a word from her after I retired until she heard that I was living in the Pyrenees. She made no contribution to food, wine or petrol and when she got home she sent me a present - a foil sunscreen for the windscreen - cost €3. I never heard from her again.

We lived in the Algarve before moving to Belguim and it was amazing how many 'friends' suddenly started writing to us after we moved. I had lived in Cyprus a long time ago and X is South African so we were a wee bit canny about offering accomodation. Too busy also, we were working not on holiday, that is something I have noticed a lot especially here in Brussels, you are expected to be the tour guide even though the 'guests' know you are working, the seem to think you should just take time off to take them eveywhere.It is not rocket science to get the train to Brugge.

felice, this woman has been extremely rude to you. Tell her H&S regulations don't allow for more than 60/65 people and that the Church doesn't cater for 'dinners'. Say politely that you have to cancel her booking, and hope she finds somewhere else etc. etc.

She sounds awful!

felice I can't believe you haven't told her exactly where to stick her potted plants. Your DD is absolutely right. No need to lie, tell her you obviously can't meet her requirements so she needs to book elsewhere.

What a nerve. Chin up, fire off the email now and you'll feel better

Or we can send the hit squad!

DH's brother always breaks something when they come to stay eg -shower door, table lamp. Obviously, accidents happen, but we only find out ages later when someone else stays in the room and tries to switch on the lamp or close the shower door. They also bring their dog - well, I say 'bring the dog' actually what happens is that we open the door, the dog walks in and goes into the back garden to wee on the water feature.

I can cancel myself, but she has the Church booked for the evening, she knows the rules, we think the C of E church which she normally goes to here has told her where to go !!!!!!!
I am the closest caretaker to the church, 5 minutes walk, unfortunately she knows that we do lots of functions and dinners, well, I sent her a mail just now stating the rules etc. After talking to friends this afternoon, we will be well badmouthed but that will be ignored, just wish we had been forewarned. Probably people didn't want to tell us how awful she is so they could get rid of her, not very Christian i know but she says she is,,Dyslexic, Dyspraxic, Bi-polar and Autistic..... whichever one suits on the day i think, I have an Autistic, Son with Schixophrenia, so i think she will really p**s me off if we meet. Thanks for all just being there, xxx

Ooops sorry about the spelling

Well, there is movement at last, but not good. I have started another thread.

PS felice tell her where to shove her potted plants

Kitty, my sister also breaks something every time she comes to stay and often hides it. I was really angry when she spilt a cup of coffee on a very expensive carpet and just put a newspaper over it so by the time I found the stain it was too late to do much about it. She also washed a beautiful red dress with a white collar on a hot wash, and hid it behind the water tank. When I ask her why she doesn't tell me, she says I might be angry!

Hats off to you felicefor being so, so tolerant, I wouldn't have and I don't have your pressures. If you've made the rules clear, limit on numbers etc I hope she takes herself elsewhere.

Gn, my BiL has really bad arthritis so can't help breaking things but just will not own up. We feel that as he is disabled (though he won't admit there is anything wrong) it would be cruel to mention things. It's got so bad that we now find excuses to meet halfway rather than have them here, which is sad because his wife is lovely!

felice sounds like time for a serious white lie. Probably the almighty will forgive you won't she?
Maybe you have a double booking? Or some family event that makes it impossible for you to be there and/or open the hall etc. This is going to end in tears (yours, angry ones) otherwise. At very least you need to cancel your catering input and make sure she has paid in full with a deposit for damage in advance - and get someone else to caretake it. You do not have to dash yourself on this rock do you?

Why don't we see it. I'm obviously thinking a lot about what my DD is calling Petrolgate lol. It came to me that I am the only constant person in this 'friends' life. We have known each other for 15 years.
In fact only this morning it hit me that her only Brother has disappeared off the face of the earth. This happened after he was working on her garden for a few days. As I say, why don't we see it.

When we had an apartment abroad my DH invited his sister to stay for a couple of weeks. She is on her own and has some health problems. When she arrived she said she insisted on giving me something for her keep and handed over 25 euros. She likes to stay up late whilst we liked to be in bed by 12. After we went to bed she would drink half a bottle of whisky! She also drank at least 1 bottle of wine each day, whenever we went out she would never offer to pay for anything (not even a coffee). My DH would probably not let her pay but it would have been nice if she offered. We even paid her air fare! When we got back to UK we didn't hear from her again until just before we were due to go back out to our apartment! I told her we wanted to spend the time there alone (this was just after my DH got his diagnosis). I do meet up with her now occasionally for coffee and she always hangs back so I end up paying! I don't understand where she gets it from because none of the rest of the family are like it.

Sent a mail to the woman setting out the rules and regs, got one back this morning, much more polite and no mention of potted palms and ambient lighting, although she did ask me if I knew how to switch on the lights in the Church, duh,,,,,. I am meeting her on Wednesday, she has paid 100€ deposit, and is giving us a 100 donation, we do not charge for the use of our Church, but suggest a donation. I told her my conditions for working for her, I work for free for members of my own Church only charging for the food, but not for others, we shall see how she reacts when she sees the mail.

Sounds like progress

Had the meeting yesterday afternoon, she was nearly an hour late but I was busy doing things in the kitchen so not a major problem. She probably thought I was rather brusque but wanted her to see I was no pushover. It seems she has not paid for the Church yet so she might be cancelled in the next few days anyway. Thanks for all your support.I don't suppose there are any other Gransnetters in Belguim to meet up with for a coffee.

thats 120 bite sized quiches made, 150 mini spiced meatballs in honey glaze, 120 pigs in blankets, and finely diced coronation chicken to go in pastry cases prepared, now I just have to cope with this very strange lady tonight, luckily she does not have either of my phone numbers as going by the emails she would be phoning me every 10 minutes. Going to be very interesting to see how she fits everything into the time she has, as I am locking up at 9pm and thats it. Not being nasty but she has caused so much hassle that I just don't feel like being lenient. Wish me luck Grans and Grandads.

Best of luck felice sounds like you have been busy this morning,if I lived near you I would give you a hand as I am at a loose end this week-end I have no booking until next week and don't know what to do with myself There is nothing worse than not getting out on time some clients seem to think they own your time indefinatley just because they have booked you,so 9pm lock up and 9.10pm glass of

Thanks, busy but fulfilling, I really miss being able to cook professionally but not able now, DD gets annoyed when i take on work but i do so love to cook, SIL installed an all singing all dancing oven and an eco friendly dishwasher a couple of months ago for me so that really helps, he is my landlord so good investment for him too. She is serving wine and my significant other says I sould aquire my self a glass to keep me going and calm. Ok shower now and dig out my whites, might as well look the part.
thanks again for the support.

Well that was one of those occasions which you dread, but everything went really well, food enjoyed, the lady can definately sing, and I was sitting having a glass of vino with DD by 9.45. I even got an extra 40€ when she realised i didn't get paid for my caretaker duties. So all went fine, took me longer to clear up after doing the tea and coffee at the normal service this morning!!

Glad it worked out in the end felice