So upset

Just think - he will be waiting for confrontation and be very confused when it doesn't come! This can make things worse though, I know DiL gets annoyed when she wants confrontation and it doesn't come.

Yes, as Phoenix says some people are useless at apologising and demanding an apology just sends them "off on (another) one". Also feeling that someone "should" apologise to you is not a good place to be - it does not help us to move on. Sometimes we just have to shrug and tell ourselves that we are the mature one and can cope with the emotional fluctuations of the younger generations.

I would agree with the advice already given. My Mother fell out with my nephew's wife some 18 years ago, unfortunately Mum is the sort to hold grudges and to this day they don't speak to each other at all, even at family get togethers they always sit at opposite ends of the table and studiously ignore each other - not a good situation for the rest of the family.

He may be embarrassed about the whole thing and try to ignore it or may even have forgotten about it so again it won't be mentioned. I would go along and be all sweetness and light and reasonable and, hopefully, your relationship with him will get better over time.

I agree with humour ! Some years ago after a very difficult meeting with some parents I was offloading to a friend who was an ex-nurse. Her advice was to imagine giving them an enema - after half an inch they are all the same ! Every time I saw them after that I had a smile on my face !! It has worked in other situations too.

I know how you feel. I had a very unpleasant email forwarded to me in which our DiL made a horrible accusation. I was able to prove she was wrong and the next time she had a hissy fit I mentioned it as pointed out that she had not apologised, she shouted at me that she would not apologise to me. So I would suggest you simply let it go. Some people are just so self obsessed that they have no concern about anyone else's feelings, fortunately not many are like that! Once a person like that gets a thought in their head they seem to lose all sense of reason and will try to justify themselves even though there is no evidence for what they say. You will be banging your head against a brick wall if you bring the subject up again. Sorry to rant, just felt I needed to.

How about humour? When he riles you, think of him with his pants down trying to run!

Here's a tip - every time that bad thoughts about SIL jump into your head, imagine a train with trucks; dump the thought in one of the trucks and watch it set off over the horizon. And do it every time! Works for some.

You said that he now knows he was wrong, so presumably something has led to you knowing that. Some people really struggle with apologising (silly I know, but there are quite a few of them around!)

Without knowing what the accusation was, and the severity of it, it's hard to offer an opinion. It has obviously upset you very much, which is sad, but you must not allow it to make you ill. ((easier said then done, I know).

The dinner invitation may be a sort of olive branch, so you should accept and go along and see how the atmosphere is. You might find that he is bending over backwards to be pleasant?

What are your husband's thoughts on the matter?

JammieB I am in a very similar position, and lately had to see my sil in order to see my gc.
I smiled sweetly, said hello to him and then avoided him, and he did the same to me.
I will never go to their home if he is there, but I love my dd and gc, so they come to me.

I will never forgive him but I don't want to bitter for the rest of my life.

It is not easy!

"release, relax, let go." This is what someone once said to me, telling me that bitterness inside oneself , is corrosive, and one should not let the past discolour the present.

Easier said than done, I know, but not the platitude that you might think; it's like opening a window in your head.

The most important thing is your relationship with DD and the DGC, and nothing is more important than that, as you say.

The only alternative is to open the whole issue up again, and I know you don't want to do that.

I hope you can cope, JammieB. You're in a hard place at the moment. X