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So hard

(6 Posts)
celebgran Thu 24-Oct-13 16:32:57

We made decision not to send presents to our little granddaughters this year as will be 5th Xmas and 2 including new baby never seen.

Very very hard part of me hopes our daughter may ini is those presents and wonder if we ok.

I did write and tell her of my health worries and ECG and chest xray after oh visited and s I law kicked off.

Who knows if we doing right thing such hard decision,

vampirequeen Thu 24-Oct-13 17:10:44

Why not put some money in an account for the children? That way you can't be accused of not bothering with them.

celebgran Thu 24-Oct-13 18:11:33

Can't see point vampire as we have no contact and what for so they will benefit when we die? Thanks for idea though

Flowerofthewest Thu 24-Oct-13 18:19:33

I know how you must feel celebran. We used to take presents from the family and from my DS (their father) Christmas before last I got a mouthful a screamed at me from the front door - for some reason she screamed at me I AM A DREADFUL MOTHER AREN'T I??' I haven't a clue what she was bellowing at me for, all I had done was delivered Christmas presents and said nothing but 'These are for the children'. I now post vouchers for the children. I never know whether they receive the gifts and neither does their daddy.

Iam64 Thu 24-Oct-13 18:31:56

Celebgran, you have to follow your heart and also listen to a calm mind when making decisions like these.
You're right about not knowing whether your gifts are given to the children, or what information they will be brought up being told about you. It sounds as though the process of buying and delivering gifts is very painful. I can understand you wanting to avoid it at the present time, but you may feel differently at some future date.

Have you considered opening a bank account , put in whatever money you may had spent on gifts, treats for the children. Write birthday and christmas cards, age appropriate, each year that passes. I wonder if it would be possible to place those with your will, so that if the worst happens, and you aren't able to build a relationship with the children, they will at some stage know that you loved them. I hope this doesn't sound over dramatic, or maudlin, but there will come a time when the children want to know more about you. If you avoid any negative comments about how the relationship with your daughter broke down, I don't see how this could cause harm.

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it helps make you feel less hurt. Rock and hard place is a cliche, because it described situations like this so well.

celebgran Fri 25-Oct-13 09:08:35

Thanks to iam64 and flowers of west. We sent oldest one who we knew and loved for 9 short months voucher for birthday and last year took bag
Resents over for her and one we never seen and other gran opened the door and was polite and I saw mollie she is 5 now. Was kind of result but very sad.

I am feeling upset not buying the stuff but feel for 5 years bout so much damn Effort in it and. Y daughter has not appreciated it at all, far from it having third babe. If we knew s I law would be at work would risk going over but otherwise waste time.

Part of me wonders if my daughter will maybe be concerned if she does. Ot hear from us? Who knows. The oldest is left a share of our estate when our time comes. I also do a blog for her online.
Thank you also flowers of west sorry forgotten your story but sure will come back to me. Sadly you don't see your grandchildren then?
I ache to buy little something for them all but this Xmas we decided to leave it. I think I will still post voucher to oldest for her birthday.