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AIBU

To consider not telling the grandparents?

(29 Posts)
Tegan Tue 12-Nov-13 14:16:30

Whatever you decide don't do anything that could endanger the baby; once we become parents our priorities change and, at this moment in time your priority is your unborn child. I hope it all goes well for you this time.

yogagran Tue 12-Nov-13 14:16:02

Just one little question while I ponder on your post - are you in touch with anyone else on your DH's side of the family. In other words - if you decide not to tell DH's parents, is it likely that they will hear from other members of the family?

I really feel for you, it must be such a difficult situation for you flowers

janeainsworth Tue 12-Nov-13 14:15:05

Bitter how do you think they feel about your son having cut off ties with them?

Either they don't care, in which case you are wasting your time and emotional energy sending Christmas cards or telling them about any baby, or they do care, and are deeply unhappy, in which case re-establishing contact for whatever reason, could be interpreted as cruel, unless you intended it to be a proper reconciliation.

Without knowing the details of what your inlaws have done in the past, it's impossible to judge what you should do.

But don't put yourself and your husband in the wrong - and sending them good wishes for Christmas would be wrong if you didn't really mean it.

BetterNotBitter Tue 12-Nov-13 14:06:58

Hi everyone, I'm imposting on your site again I'm afraid.

As I've said before, I am a mummy not a grandma yet and not for a very long time as our little one is only 2!

As some of you may recall, we have had an awful time with my husbands parents and now don't have any contact with them. I won't bore you with the details, other than to assure you I am not one of the nasty DILs that some of you on here have the misfortune of having and my husband is perfectly lovely also! It was after a long period of trouble that my husband made the call to go no contact, after a month or so I persuaded him to give them another chance hoping they'd change their ways but it didn't happen and my husband decided he'd had enough once and for all and sadly I agreed with him. That was at the beginning of this year.

My husband has no qualms about this and nor do I really, other than to feel wholly saddened by the whole situation, my husband doesn't share this opinion.

I have a few situations I'd love your opinions on.

A) do we send a christmas card? We have no contact at all usually.
B) we are trying for a another baby. If were lucky enough to fall pregnant, do we tell them?

For me, it would feel wrong not to tell them if there were another baby on the way BUT, and it's a big but.... I find conflict with them extremely stressful. After a particularly horrible visit from them a year or so ago, I suffered an early miscarriage which could have been entirely unrelated but I'm very worried that if we tell them, a similar situation could arise again.

Also, we don't want them back in our lives at the moment. So is telling them giving them false hope that we're doing so to make amends? Will it mean we have all the stress and pain of having to cut ties again? If we don't tell them while I'm pregnant, do we tell them once the baby comes? Unfortunately, they won't be welcome to be involved with us in any way, so is it making things harder for them to know?

I really don't know what to do for the best?