To refuse to put up a friend again.

If she doesn't respond to your offer of meeting for coffee, I would not waste any more time on her. A true friend would want to meet up with you despite the fact that you are unable to put her up (or should I say put up with her).

It doesn't sound as if this friendship is really a friendship at all, even if it used to be.It's a 2 way thing, and this clearly isn't.

I'm not sure I'd wait until she says she's coming to stay again, let her know soon that you won't be able to put her up in future and cut her off at the pass. She might ask why and be open to your concerns but I suspect not. In my experience older single people can be a bit selfish but perhaps that's an over-generalisation.

Recieved an email on Friday evening titled 'My next visit', gives the dates she will be visiting, does not actually ask for accommodation but it is there. Not with me dear, as it happens I have DGS over the weekend she will be here and the following week cousins are visiting Belguim, and I will be spending lots of time with them. Told her that I would try and find some free time to have a coffee with her. No reply,,,, strange that. I don't know if the other friend she put on copy has replied but he is traveling a lot for work just now. I hope you are all enjoying Salamander, nice to see Brussels on the BBC and not just the small EU area.

Just read the article, I also have a lovely long term SO and a male very best friend, she has always been a bit scathing about them but I just put it down to the old green eye. She divorced 40 years ago and doesn't seem to have had any relationships since then. I also have 3 grown up children and 3 GCs. I will certainly be busy the next time she asks to stay with me, no need to lie about it either as DGS stays downstairs with Grandma a lot. Meet her for a coffee or lunch and see how it goes. Thanks for all your support, my DD thinks you are all wonderful.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/dearmariella

Just remembered there's an article in todays Observer in a similar vein [although concerning people much younger than us]. Wonder if I can do a link to it?

Ditch the bitch

Absolutely soop couldn't agree more.

felice if a person brings negativity into your life...walk away.

Hi all, just spoken to the other friend she stayed with here and he also noticed a difference in her, will speak to other mutual friends and then perhaps a quiet word with her SIL who I know quite well.
I only mentioned the holiday to give an example of the type of person she used to be, a bit brusque but also kind and giving.
Tegan i will send you a PM with my details and would be very happy to show you around Brussels.

The very generous holiday in Prague does not give her the right to treat you like a hotel employee. Expecting you to wait on her hand and foot is not the action of a good friend, especially when she knew you had been unwell.

Only you can decide if you wish to continue this friendship, but if it were me I'd certainly call a halt to her using my home as a hotel.

Alternatively, you could explain to her that her behaviour during her last visit had upset you - though you would have to be prepared to lose her as a friend if she is so self-centred as to be unable to recognise and acknowledge her appallingly bad manners.

A bully who treats you like a servant, I don't understand why you would want the company of this person.

Friendship is about kindness, unselfish behavour and caring about the individual and this is a two way thing.

I'm sure there are many people who would cherish you as a friend it's probably time to move on from this disruptive friendship. When she next contacts you I would say it's not convenient and continue to say that she'll get the message.

I did the same as flowerofthewest after having my hospitality so selfishly abused and never returned for many years. For several years I tried to swerve her when she rang proposing an indefinite stay, citing family visitors, illness, holidays etc..she didn't take the hint. One day she called me, having not heard a toot from her since she sent me the invitation and John Lewis gift list for her daughter's wedding a year before, proposing that not only would she and her dh like to visit but that said daughter, husband and new baby would be accompanying them. She didn't enquire after me, my life, my family at all. After putting the phone down I took up paper and pen and gave her the benefit of my wrath and we have not spoken since. Why do people abuse friendship like this? I have known this woman since we were 4 years old and the longevity of our friendship created a bond I was loath to sever. But the sheer audacity and insult of her call beggared belief. It still hurts me that I had to do it 5 years down the line, but I do not regret it.

I take my hat off to you for putting on a formal dinner for somebody else's guests, felice. My formal dinners mean I lay the table and don't just chuck a pile of knives and forks in the middle!

Well, Nigella gets away with it.

felice can I bring my inflatable friends with me

I can only agree with the other posts here – and offer my respect for your phenomenal hostess skills felice.

I have a friend who is lovely - but extremely fussy and faddy. She came to stay just once and knowing how fussy she was with food (she was only going to here for breakfast) I bought a whole array of stuff. I bought skimmed, semi-skimmed and whole milk, various fruit juices, assorted cerials, brown and white bread, different jams and marmalades, low fat and full fat spreads, filter coffee, instant coffee, decaffeinated coffee (she is a vegetarian so no need for bacon and stuff). She was happy with it all but a few months later when I went to stay at hers, I got up in the morning and she said would you like some porridge?'. I said 'no thank you I don't like it' She said 'don't you, sorry I haven't got anything else'. She didn't even offer me a piece of toast!

felice - I had to severe a friendship a few years ago due to my so called friend being bullying, rude and offensive. If I were you I would not have her to stay. Like others have said meet her for a coffee. If she asks why you cannot have her to stay then be honest with her. She certainly doesn't deserve to have a friend like you ..

Sometimes I think friendships can ebb and flow a bit. I have a very close friend who I have known since junior school. We see each other a couple of times a year. I have noticed as she has got older she hasn't really mellowed, instead she has become very tetchy and she is actually quite selfish, insomuch as she always puts her own needs certainly before her husband, and on occasions her children. The last time she stayed with us she took offence to an innocuous throw a way line about one of her animals, not a relative. She blanked me for the whole day, I was determined to pretend I didn't notice because I was damned if I was going to say "what's the matter, have I offended you in some way?" because if I was in her house and she was waiting on me hand on foot, I wouldn't have behaved liked that. The next morning I just wanted them to go, but she had snapped out of it by then. I'm afraid from my side it has affected the way I feel about her.

Can I come ? I've never been on Eurostar or is it going to be another broomsticks jolly ?

We're planning on doing as many Eurostar weekends as possible over the next couple of years; it would be lovely to meet up with someone who could show us the 'real' Brussels [must point out that we will be in a hotel]. So thats down to 36.

I'm sure most of us can rustle up a sleeping bag felice so don't worry about not having enough beds, we'll kip down on the floor. And paper plates, cups etc will suffice.
OK Grace that's only another 38 to find

I just got a mail from a friend who was a guest last week, he agrees with everyone on here. He also told me that his wife had another appointment that evening but rearraged it so she could 'go and eat the great food' she doesn't like the lady in question, but loves my cooking, that has really cheered me up. Sorry I can't put up 40 of you, wish i could and show you round a beautiful friendly historic city. Not the 'Brussels' which you seem to hear about on the news where all the UK's woes seem to come from.