My stepson has become more self-centred the older he has become. He lives on his own (44) says he has no need for anyone else (his choice) The thing is, he used to come to us for the day every Christmas - usually Boxing Day -
He would bring gifts for the grandchildren and for his father and myself. We all seemed to have a good time.
Last year as most of you know my DDH was extremely ill my stepson did come to see his dad for the first couple of weeks then said it was pointless and for me to ring him when he regained conciousness - which I did. DDH was hospital for 6 weeks in all, very very weak, he had to regain strength in his legs as they had withered with no use. He had to 'learn' to walk again with the help of a walking frame, he was catheterised for a month when he returned home and was as weak as a kitten. We didn't hear from his son, I did let him know from time to time via text (he never answers his phone) how his dad was doing. I was also going though various scans and tests which he knew about.
Boxing Day last year, as we had heard nothing, my DDH rang him to see if was coming over as usual (we live in Herts and he in Suffolk) I saw my husbands face fall and tears in his eyes. His son had given him a load of abuse and blamed him for never visiting him, that it is always him that comes to us, we had a weekend in Norfolk and never told him (this was a weekend to regroup before the results of my cancer scan) He went on and on saying that he didn't care what people thought he would speak his mind and if we didn't like it we could lump it basically. I took the phone and explained to him quite firmly just how it had been for his dad, he repeated himself and went on ad nauseum. We were both very upset. My DDH adores him he was an only child and his mother took him to Suffolk with her new husband to live after leaving my DDH. The upshot is that to help him understand I wrote -with DDHs blessing) a letter setting out just how much his dad had had to put up with and that because his was home didn't mean that he was a well man. I laid out everything using dates for appointments, district nurses, GP visits, my own scans, hospital visits etc. We were surprised just how much time this had all taken. I told him that the letter was written with love and that we need to draw a line under things and start again and would love to see him. He phoned a few days later and was almost apologetic saying that he and his dad would have to get back to phoning each other weekly. This happened for a short while then his calls stopped. We saw him last March in Norfolk on DDH birthday (asked him to come to a pub as a surprise) It was a lovely day. They both share a love of wildlife photography and this takes a lot of the stepsons time at weekends.
I texted him today to ask if he would like to come over during the Christmas break - he replied that he was away then but would come before but not to give him any ideas this year as he was not buying any gifts at all. Fair enough but it was always he that phoned me before Christmas to ask what the children would like.
I just want him to be more appreciative of the fact that his dad almost died (he did die for 12 minutes) and show him the love he deserves.
Flowerofthewest Thu 05-Dec-13 22:16:07
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