Dicipline, Did I get it wrong?

My D-I-L has said to my GS "Grannies house Grannies rules". If I tell him not to do something they reinforce it even if it is several weeks later when he does it again.

I didn't know what to do at first, but in the end I gave my daughter and SiL my few rules and let them enforce them, rather than me telling the GCs off. Then I can be Nice Grandma. Things to do with china cupboards, the woodburner, drawing on things, climbing on things. It has worked very well but perhaps I am just lucky.

Glad to hear that Numberplease as I was worried on your behalf!

Rosesarered, that SIL is fortunately no longer my SIL, my daughter is now married to a much nicer man. Said event actually took place around 20 years ago, and granddaughter is still hale and hearty.

Reading your posts makes me outraged on all your behalfs!Your children are lucky to have caring parents/grandparents, and as you say 'your house your rules'.I would never stand for my own children climbing the furniture and certainly don't allow the grandchildren to do it;quite apart from any danger, what about good furniture bought with our hard earned money, humf!!!
numberplease who is your SIL, Rab C Nesbit by any chance? Poor you.
Isn't it time that everyone stopped walking on eggshells around their own children and just said it like it is?Because if we don't, this is encouraging them to carry on being as rude as they like to US . To be honest, I would prefer to see less of the grandchildren if my own children acted like this, what a cheek.

When my son was four, he went to play with three year old twins who lived nearby whilst I did the school run. They kept climbing on to their table and jumping off onto a sofa. When I got back with my son and their big sister, their dad was retrieving a front tooth from my son's head! One of the twins had landed on him. He was ok, but the three year old had a broken tooth which had to remain in place until he was six.

I think as a whole young men are doing a good job as fathers nowadays. I have seen a few nonchalant fathers behavior that makes me cringe! seems to me they don't have a mothers instinct towards possible danger!

My two eldest DGC 2 +5 are very well behaved, we are fairly easy going but do have some rules in force which are endorsed by DS2 and DiL.

Not so with DGS2 his other grandmother gives him free rein to do as he likes, so when I look after him I have a bit of a battle on my hands. If I don't want him to touch or climb etc I tell him firmly NO and then go on to distract him.

Children have to learn house rules for their own safety and everyone else's sanity.

I used to ask my GDs not to climb on the kitchen chair (which is wicker) to get to the biscuit cupboard, and got some disapproving looks from DD. Eventually I discovered that she'd thought I was worried about the chair, not the children's limbs...

Sometimes you don't know what's going on in your own own children's minds!

... fault... even

Children should not climb on tables! End of really! That should be non negotiable.

As for seeing risk I think as grannies maybe our experience does give us a good perception of what might happen next.
Like seeing in advance that a small child is about to stand up and bag their head on a table. I find now with little DGS I am anticipating these next wrong moves.

Sometimes you are just damned if you do, and damned if you don't. If little one had slipped and gashed his head, broken a few teeth, or worse- it would have been your thought, of course. Deep breath... count to 10, and walk on eggs Happy New Year- we are most of us in the same boat...

Ananke I think you were definitely being given a message.

If the parents are not around I expect to sometimes have to say 'no' to the GS and insist that he does as I say. If the parents are around I do not feel it is my place to do much disciplining though I suppose I might say 'do you think that's safe?' or somesuch to prompt the parent to notice what is going on.

I think you did nothing wrong. However, as Grandparents being right doesn't always mean much if the parents decide to take offence!

I think they are maybe warning you but they are also being rather silly. My rules are when in grandma's house it is grandma's rules. If you thought the child was in danger of falling and it is your home you have a right to say something. Also in you home you may not want children climbing onto and over furniture, I certainly don't and the grandchildren and their parents appreciate this.

Just let it go and continue being the loving granny you know you are.

It's like being in a minefield, being a grandparent and wanting to advise on how to deal with children's problems.
Having put my foot in it once or twice and got blamed - mainly how to deal with eating problems at mealtimes, I now keep my mouth shut and hope they learn from experience.
Anyway , their standards are so different from ours when they were young and I don't think we can change that (unfortunately.)

Number , what a rude way to speak to you !

My granddaughter, then aged about 18 months, had been sat on the wide bay window ledge by her dad, who`d then walked away, she stood up and was tottering towards the edge, I rushed to grab her, SIL shouted "For fxxxs sake woman, she won`t fall off!!" Made me feel guilty for trying to stop her getting hurt.

At the risk of saying Grannies know best (but of course we do) I think we sometimes see danger in advance of our DC. SIL is a great believer in "finding out by experience" and I have often felt I am fussing, But DD is coming round to my way of thinking since DGS pulled the hall table over on to himself at their house (when SIL was in charge) nearly electrocuted himself ( and fused all the lights) when he stuck his fingers into a bedside light socket where the bulb had been removed but NOT switched off at the wall (again SIL in charge) Of course he was totally contrite and I thought but never breathed "Told you so" However I THANK GOD that neither incident happened here on my watch!! Then there was the time DGS2 "hid" in a multi storey car park .
Sometimes NO is necessary!!

Sorry. xd posts. Mine was to Harrigran.

That is sweet.

My GD (3 next week) has started to climb everywhere and it's a challenge to keep her safe and to protect the furniture. I'm all for kids exploring their surroundings and their abilities but there are limits. Sometimes she has a tantrum and we cope but as someone said, children need boundaries and I don't think we'd do ourselves or her a favour if we let her run riot. So, I think you are right in telling your GD to get down.

As for what happened later, I never find hinting a good way to deal with issues. Isn't it better to be open and honest? Your son may let his daughter climb everywhere at home but you have a right to set limits in your own and he should understand that. I'd be inclined to talk to him directly and clear up any possible misunderstandings. If you don't you'll always be wondering and worrying...

Children do climb on furniture, caught GD kneeling on a high bar stool to reach sweetie box on a shelf in cupboard I thought I had hidden. She has obviously cottoned on to the fact that I put treat foods away from child eye level. I had to laugh because she took two small pieces of chocolate and put them in dishes then told her sister to "quick, run" GD2 did run but left her chocolate on the worktop

I don't really think it is about discipline - it is about keeping her safe; and removing her gently from that situation and distracting her would be a good way to go. I don't think anyone needs to "tell her off" as she is not being naughty - she is doing what children are programmed to do: explore her environment.

As to what happened in the other situation where the sister was looking after her - you cannot know what happened or how it was dealt with in terms of tone of voice etc., so I should just forget all about it and get on with enjoying this lovely and adventurous little lady.

Agree with you Bags.

My DGD now aged 12 (going on 22) said to me only yesterday that one of her strongest memories of being little was when I said to a gathering of DGC "When Granny says "NO" she means "NO". Children feel safer when they have boundaries and it's made clear to them just what those boundaries are. That's not to say they won't test them of course!

Sounds a weird way of going about giving a warning! Slightly nutty in fact. Forget it. Maybe the kid just goes in for climbing tables - anyone's table.

Agree about distraction.