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New baby

(30 Posts)
Babyboomer Wed 08-Jan-14 23:35:45

I was thrilled when my daughter told me the other day that she is expecting our first grandchild. We have always been close and get on well together, and I have a good relationship with her husband, too. They live 20 minutes drive from us, and we see each other often, so I offered to help out when she comes out of hospital after the birth, as my mother did for me. I was astonished when she said there would be no need , as her mother-in-law will be doing this.

Her parents-in-law live abroad, and when she and her husband phoned them to break the good news, the in-laws said they intended coming over for the birth and would stay at their house. My daughter said she was quite happy with this, as her mother-in-law is a retired midwife, so is experienced with new babies. An aunt and uncle are also coming over, and my daughter asked if I would put them up, as they are not well off.

I smiled, and acted as if I was happy with all this too, and agreed to put up the aunt and uncle. I did not let my daughter see how hurt and disappointed I was. After all, she is the one having the baby, and has a right to decide who she wants to be there. I'm trying to be positive about this, but I can't stop thinking about it, and I'm afraid that one day I may let my feelings show. Do you think I am being selfish in feeling this way? And has anyone got any tips on coping with this graciously? I don't want to spoil this happy time by causing ill-feeling.

gillybob Fri 10-Jan-14 09:39:39

Congratulations Babyboomer Good advice from everyone.

I think Mishap has summed the entire "grandparent experience" in one when she says "Enjoy the good bits and grit your teeth with the rest - the former outweigh the latter!" smile

Soutra Fri 10-Jan-14 14:50:23

This is such a happy outcome to a situation which could have eaten away at you and taken away much of the joy of being a Granny, not to mention the risk of a family rift. It is easy to feel grandparents must have equal "shares" of a baby , but you only have to look at the story of King Solomon's wisdom to see where that can get you. There are many GNetters who suffer because they do not have any access to their grandchildren and families wrenched apart. You sound very level headed and if you are treating the other Granny the way you would hope to be treated, the best result will be goodwill all round.
I am sorry Eliza I do not agree with babies "belonging" to the wider family -otr to either "side" of it, they are their parents' responsibility and once we move up a generation we have to learn to take a back seat except when we are asked.

Iam64 Fri 10-Jan-14 18:39:27

I'm so pleased this is going well so far.
Eliza - I'm with Soutra on this one, babies do not 'belong', they are firstly their parents responsibility. The role of grandparents is to support the parents, to love the parents, and the children, and to avoid conflict wherever possible, thereby setting a good example which hopefully, the younger generation will follow.

eliza Sat 18-Jan-14 15:18:56

Perhaps "belong" is the wrong word and maybe related is a better word. Thank you