Public outpourings of grief

I think it's a cumulative thing. A few people start it and little by little it grows and now it has become customary.

mawkish sentimentality - I will keep my grieving for those I can honestly grieve for. Which does not mean I do not feel for people who are going through a terrible time.

Exactly mishap well said.

What right have we to condemn this because it goes against a very English 'stiff upper lip' or whatever it is that upsets the DM, or because some think it makes the place look untidy with cellophane wrappings?

And re the teddy bears, I leave soft toys on my DGS grave. How dare you suggest I give them to another child, they are for him.

Good idea mishap and much more appropriate.

It must be reassuring to know that so many people care - like a good turnout at a funeral.

Personally I think this might better be expressed at the memorial service or whatever is organised, and the money spent on toys and flowers sent to a charity of the family's choice. The family could then see the sum total and be comforted by all the good that this will do.

'it's called empathy - however it's displayed' that's it exactly ffinn

The wrapper on flowers is usually made of cellophane not plastic.

Oh how I agree with you Wisewoman. Flowers are one thing (but prefer a charity donation) but leaving the plastic wrapper on just makes me so mad. My family know that whenever I pop my clogs if they leave plastic anywhere near me I shall come back to haunt them. And a daffodil in a jam jar will be quite sufficient thank you.

It's called empathy - however it's displayed.

absent there are always deranged people about [Valentino's funeral] but in the UK it did seem to start with Diana. Sure, there were tributes for the Hillsboro' tragedy [if you say so, I can't remember] but that was not ONE person dying was it? A lot of people just LOVE acting in this sentimental way, it must give them a buzz.

Started with Diana? Surely not. Must date back well before that. Some woman committed suicide at Rudolph Valentino's funeral – that was a pretty drastic display of grief about someone she didn't know.

AKA It's the public 'need' that is worrying! It's now become the done thing to weep and wail , or at the very least, lay down some tatty flowers.I read of any child's death with sorrow, particularly [as is usually the case] at the hands of a family member.The feeling is very voyeuristic somehow, the crowds in the street, not wanting to disperse in case they miss any excitement.

Too many people seem to have a morbid interest in death or murder.

Did it begin with Diana, though? What about Hillsborough? Weren't there flowers, scarves, notes and so on left there too?

I agree, GillT57 - I was astounded too. When's all said and done, a woman got killed in a car crash. Sad, but it happens..... and why not spend time and effort campaigning against drink driving, rather than wasting money on adding to the huge mountain of flowers and boosting florists' profit margins?

I thought it sickening when people heaped piles of flowers and toys on 'Baby P grave.Considering how the poor little soul died, it would surely be more appropriate to give a donation, however small to an organisation such as NSPCC to try to stop these terrible things happening in the first place. I agree that it seemed to have started with the death of Diana, and I remember being astounded at the weeping and wailing by people who could not possible have known her, and as for the disgusting ' sea of flowers'......at the same time a friend lost her Father and she said she felt somehow cheated as if his death was irrelevant compared to hers.

Rowantree, I agree strongly with your post.

You can't even say that it's an ill wind as far as florists are concerned because all the flowers will have come from garages or supermarkets.

Well said, aka.

PS can't be added bothered to read the article by the DM

It's none of my business to criticise how anyone chooses to acknowledge the death of a young child. I do believe it fulfills some form of public need though.

Whenever I see people laying flowers down as a tribute to someone they didn't know my first reaction is to shout at the tv "take the bloody plastic off"! I don't think florists do all that well on these occasions, it seems to be flowers from a garage or a supermarket in that awful plastic wrap. I know in the big scheme of things it is a small thing to be annoyed about but I must admit the thought of all those flowers dying in the plastic and having to be collected and dumped does make me mad. At least if it was just flowers they could compost them!! As for the teddy bears etc - well!!!! I am sure there are children who would love to have them.

I agree with what you've said, people. Mass hysteria doesn't help anyone and it doesn't help justice. A letter of condolence would be better if people feel the need to 'do' something. But what worries me far more is the knee-jerk reactions from some quarters to the mother. We don't know her story, we none of us know what the truth is. We need to keep an open mind until the truth is known, if it ever is, and let the law take its course. Thank goodness we have developed as a society beyond mob rule, otherwise some of those accused (in various cases) would be dead before they reached court! It's important to remember that she is innocent until proven guilty - whatever 'guilty' means....

Mind you, it does hurt when something happens to a child near to where you live. A child in our village died of leukaemia many years ago; I didn't know the family very well, but I still feel sad when I think of him. I was incredibly upset when Diana died; it shocked me how I felt and I was relieved to find that other people were feeling the same way. I think so many of us related to her in some way, especially people like myself that were in an unhappy marriage or struggled with weight/image issues.

I can sympathise with people coming together in a community to commiserate and talk - it's human nature.

However there's absolutely no need for children to be involved - it must be very unsettling for them to see all the mums crying and knowing something awful has happened.

Janet Street Porter just said she thought it was distasteful on Loose Women but then sitting next to her was the Nolan sister (don't know her name) and she said that the one thing that gave her family comfort was seeing how many peoples lives she had affected and how so many of them lined the streets at her funeral... we all have a different view on these things and its what makes life interesting...

Personally I prefer to grieve in private and I think a nice letter of condolence is much more appropriate.

I think you're right, janthea. Some of them hover hopefully in the vicinity of whatever news reporter is covering the event, looking suitably 'devastated'...