Cut out of their lives 3

Oh this is a tricky one starstella and although my dear friend Yogagirl, just the other day made a Freudian slip and referred to me as smokless instead of smileless, I continue to smoke.

I made a point of not smoking in front of my d.i.l. when she was pregnant and I'm sure you've done the same. I assured my son that I would never smoke in front of our gc and I never did; well not for 8 months because I haven't seen him since and didn't see much of him any way.

It is perfectly understandable and reasonable for them to request that you don't smoke in the house when their baby arrives but as for saying that they don't want you in the house smelling of smoke because they've just cleaned it, well that's in appropriate.

I do agree with Yogagirl that to disown your son at this stage would be unwise; just wait and see how things develop. That said my own experience and I know it's the same for the other lovely ladies on this thread is sadly, that if they are going to 'cut you out' they will, no matter what you do. And as for an explanation in this sudden and totally unexpected change in our children, I don't think any of us really have the answer.

Did the things you've bought for their eagerly anticipated daughter smell of smoke, or as they were getting them for free, didn't that matter either way?

Sorry for sounding stroppy but it's coming up to the 2nd anniversary since we last saw our gc and I'm not at my best at the moment. Being an emotional and/or physically abusive adult is reason enough for being denied contact with a gc, being a considerate smoker (if there is such a thing)isn't.

for you. I wish you well. Keep us posted and stay strong.

Hello Starstella no you are not making the right decision. I can understand you being insulted about what they said re smelling of smoke, but when you have a new baby your senses are heighten. They know you are a smoker, so should be more understanding. Don't lose your S & GD over this, just reiterate that you will smoke at the bottom of the garden and never near the GC. I don't smoke and don't like the smell but my friend smokes and I would never tell her not to, she always smokes away from everyone, so that's OK. Goodluck

Hi all.I have been reading through the threads and the pain.I know how you feel as the same thing is happening to me.I don't even know where to start but I would love your opinions.I have 4 sons and we were a very close and happy family until the females started arriving.I won't say too much as I have managed to maintain a balance that I can live with for the first 3.My youngest son is in a relationship with a girl and I was happy for him.As it turned out this girl and I don't get along too well.For the past 2 years I have bent over backwards trying to keep things on an even keel.She is pregnant and due to give birth any day now.
4 weeks ago we were going over to their house to meet her dad for the first time.My son phoned the day before for nothing really.Then on the day we were meant to go he phoned twice more.I spoke to him the 2nd time and he said; I don't want you to smoke when you come over as we have just cleaned all the house.I said I would do what I usually do and go to the bottom of the garden or up onto the street if he preferred.He repeated they have just cleaned all the house and didn't want me coming in smelling of smoke.So I told him I couldn't do that and that his dad would come on his own.We had some things for him for the baby.He hung up on me then phoned back 5 mins later to tell me I was just spiting myself as the baby was nearly due,I said we will see who is being spited and hung up on him.He phoned back and asked to speak to his dad.He told him not to bother coming over as it was cancelled and hung up again.He and his girlfriend called to our house and collected the things we had.They were not in the house 3 mins before they were off.They didn't even ask about me or say anything to dad.
That is the last we have heard from him.I have known right from the beginning we would be excluded from this baby's life.
I can't tell you everything we have done for both of them but I know the women on here will guess.We haven't got a lot of money but what we have we have given it to them.Put them up for 2 months etc etc.
I am quite a strong woman.I had to be bringing up 4 boys,my husband worked long shifts so I was on my own a lot.I can honestly say I am proud of every one of them.They have turned out to be fine young men.The change in my youngest son has cut me to the quick and I don't understand the reasons.
I smoke and I drink but I would never do that in front of children and he knows that.Plus I adore all my friends grandchildren and they love me too.Sorry this has gone on too long.
I have decided to disown my son as I know all the games he has been playing will continue.My little granddaughter who is due soon will get everything my other 2 granddaughters get and we will love her.
I want to see her and look after her and spoil her but that is not going to happen.
I just want to know what you all think.Am I making the right decision?
I would appreciate your comments.

Blooming auto correct.......link.....

Morning!
Nice to here from you Celebgran & "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" [Flowers] [cake]
Nice to hear you had a lovely birthday w/e & that your NS treated you so well.
I will send you that think later, dashing off now to teach my yoga. Take care & you Smileless

Omg just watch what this thing types I meant we off to nice gold hotel this weekend. In algarve not all grave!! Lol

A agh thank you smileless !, we away sat just for week so won't be around then may take iPad?! Depends on how packing goes!

What is the link thing yogagirl was saying about?!

x

So there you are Celebsounds as if you've had a wonderful time. Happy 60th bday. You've probably noticed that we missed you, not because you neglected us silly billy, we just missed you, that's all.

It was lovely that you were surrounded by your loving family. How thoughtful of your DH to get you a special cake and flowers.

A GREAT BIG birthday hug for you. xx

Stupid or what can't find link can you do it again please yogagirl ? Xx

So sorry ladies I went stay with my so. For birthday weekend was the big 60 yesterday but had lovley day and was not ruined by sadness.

Was so hectic getting. Ready for weekend, we took Rosie !
Went very well Steve our son made us so welcome.

Sorry neglected my great pals on here!

We off all grave sat well early flight sun stay over sat. So another busy week ironing mountain and packing!

Was lovely day marred only by dear husband throwing clean Washing on top dirty but he was poppet orderd me lovley cake and gorgeous flowers and took me out for posh lunch.

I thought about Tor and year of course it hurt but not as bad as I thought would be as felt so loved and blessed with our son and family who gave us great weekend loved our guest room! Went to so much trouble and my nephew and wife came round last night with Danika and my twin came with dreaded partner but still lovley see him on our special day.

Sorry yogagirl will check out link.
If you guys o. Facebook will see pic from weekend as yesterday.
yogagirl do hope your prayers answered.

Yes, I know what you mean Yogagirl there seems to be no escape. I'm sure God is listening, it's just so difficult waiting for Him to act in His own time when we want this all to end, now; right this minute.

So pleased you enjoyed your 'Hafla' last night. Oooh you must be sooo fit.

You could be right, maybe Celebgran is on a little break. Did she tell us she was going away? Did she say where she was going? Now come on Celeb you know how we need ALL of the details.

Hope you're having a great time where ever you are. I'm sure you'll tell us all about it when you get back.

Have a good week Yogagirl The 30th creeps ever closer; I'll be glad when it's been and gone. OMG 2 years; it seems like a life time.

Hello Smileless
My heart bleeds for you..30th Sept being two years!!! Mine will be 16th Nov.
I pray every day for God to step-in and not let it reach the 2yr anniversary! Is he listening? Thanks for the 'silver lining' compliment, that was a very nice thing to say. I too feel a need to get on here & talk with my like minded friends, it does make me feel better. I also think about never getting those toddler years back, so very very sad. I know my Laila's step-family don't love her or my D because you wouldn't do what they have done to someone they love, It's just a nasty game to them!
Went to the park this afternoon with my ND, all the nannies with their GC, there is no escape! I went to my 'Hafla' last night, had a great time, danced in about 7 dances, one of the girls brought her S that was born just before my Laila and my dance partners little GS came to collect her with her H, I just look at them and think Ahhhh! always being reminded.
Another lady (that I didn't know before), was all excited because her D was in hospital awaiting the birth of her first baby (the lady's first GC), her waters had broken & this lady was saying that her D wanted her at the birth, I said 'why are you here then?' She was there till the end, I said 'good luck, I hope you haven't missed the birth' How strange is that!
Think Celebgran has gone on a little holiday, she never takes her laptop with her, has a break from all us on here (that was a joke)

Afternoon ladies. How are you doing Celebgran, yes Yogagirl and I have been on Scarlet's page and as she sent you the link you ought to take a look.

You sent me the link too Yogagirl and I'm so pleased you did. Well it's coming up to 2 years since we last had contact with our gs, the 30th of this month to be exact and I'm finding it all rather too much at the moment.

Keep thinking about how we've lost out on his baby/early toddler years and that we'll never, ever get them back. Wonder what he sounds like when he talks and laughs and what he's able to do.

Then I remind myself that it will be 2 years next month that thanks to my DH I came on Gransnet and more importantly the COOTL2 thread and found all of you. I remind myself how bad I was back then and for sometime after, and how much better I am now.

The saying about 'every cloud has a silver lining' is true. My cloud has several, one for each of you.

Have a good week end one and all. Hope you're OK Celebgran, haven't heard from you for a few days.

Morning Celebgran in case you were wondering where Smileless & I are, we are on Scarlet's page, I sent you the link before

Oh what a lovely thing to say tcherry; thank you.

You're right Yogagirl we are lucky to have our DH's to share our burden with but I know what you mean Celebgran, some times the strain on our relationships gets too much and there are times when you wonder if your marriage is going to survive it all.

I know you have the love and support of your wonderful D, family and friends, and all of us too, but it must be very difficult for you and you do so well.

Like all of us on this thread, our DH's truly understand what we're going through because they're going through it too. My DH has lost his son and gc and yours Celebgran has lost his daughter and gchildren.

I look at DH sometimes and see the pain, sorrow and anguish in his face that I often see in my own. I want to make it better for him, but I can't. Sometimes I feel soat our s for hurting his father, in this way and I know he has those feelings too when I'm struggling to cope.

Sounds like you had a nice evening Celebgran, dancing with your DH. What a good way to end a rather stressful day. My new washing machine, well it's 2 years old now, drives me mad. I don't know if it's bec. it's integral, but some times it jumps around so much I think it's going to take off!!! I wont go out while it's on bec. more often than not I stand against it to stop it vibrating so much.

Here are someand afor your bday Celebgran, when is it by the way?

Just waiting for 'the bath doctor' to call. Was really pleased at how well the bathroom tiles and suit cleaned up in the bugalow when to my horror I discovered a crack in the bath. Just shows how filthy it was as it was only when I'd cleaned it that I realised it was cracked. Well this guy says he can repair it. It's going to be quite expensive but it's preferable to buying a new one and then finding and paying a plumber to take out the old one and install the new one.

The previous owners said the bathroom was only replaced 18 months ago; hard to believe considering the state it was in.

Have a good Sunday, catch up again soon.

Smileless2012 You are amazing and real..

Oh Smileless that was a lovely post,brought a lump to my throat, but lovely post, thank you glad you had a wonderful celebration meal with your DH. You and Celebgran are very lucky to have kind supportive H

Wow smileless that is so poetic!

The dance with Tor my daughter is over but at least we danced for 28 years,
It is good way to think of it.

Very many congrats smileless you close to us we celebrated 37 years in July but sometimes we are very fragile !, most time happy but has been enormous strain last 5 years.

Yogagirl you very welcome hope I was able help.

Speaking of which got. My first birthday pressie last wed friends came for evening and he bought me gorgeous flowers in vase display it totally made my day!

Enjoy rest weekend all we had such stressful day had new washer and dishwasher delivered forgot clear junk. From under sink and also old washer had. I been fitted properly husband made fuss but chap who did it made good job of putting new rad in and enabled me have fridge freezer in as garage so was disappointing apparently cable was Taped up and pipe not
Fitting properly oops been ok for 3 years,
Love my new washer a Siemens one, old one still working but limescale came off on clothes now and again!
We did manage go to dance and quite enjoyed despite bust up before!

It's me again. I wanted to give my love and support to Yogagirl in my last post and I hope I managed to give a little of both.

But you know what, it all makes me so angry. There are so many decent, loving parents who are being treated so badly. I find it impossible to come to terms with my own son's behavior and the behavior of all of these cruel and vindictive children.

We've just had a lovely romantic candle lit dinner to celebrate our 34th wedding anniversary. There's a Westlife song I love 'The Dance' "I'm glad I didn't know, the way that it all would end, the way that it all would go. Our lives are better left to chance, I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance".

I've 'danced' with my dear hubby for 34 years and I danced with my son for 27. I continue to dance with my hubby but my dance with my son is over. But at least we danced. xxx

Dear Yogagirl you would be so much better off NOT seeing photo's of your dear gc especially Laila. I know that your desire to post of FB isn't quite how it sounds and I so understand your need to 'put it out there' and try to right the wrongs that have been done against you, but you can't, and that's the cruelist thing of all.

There will come a day, who knows when, but it will come. The truth always comes out in the end. I really believe that and you must believe that too.

You say that Laila really loved you. Hold on to that. Our little gc never had the chance to know or love us. Keep Laila in your heart. She knew you and she loved you. You have a place in her heart too and one day she will remember. Keep the faith dear Yogagirl; be strong.

One day you'll be telling us that she has found you and you will have her back in your life. for you.

previous should read precious

Thank you Celebgran& for the pm
Hello *Smokeless* sorry I mean Smileless I'm on my desk top now, my new Hudl corrects words of it's own accord! so if I don't check it back, I end up with something completely different to what I typed Hope your hair looks nice & congratulations on your 34th Wedding Anniversary
I won't be posting on FB , everyone's strongly advised me not to, it's not quite how it sounds anyway,as I would be adding a foreword to an already existing picture with quote. I've asked my ND not to show me any more pictures of my GC as it really upsets me & last with me for a week. I'm trying not to see their faces & trying to focus on what a cruel & heartless thing my D has done, not just to me & my ND(her sister), but to my previous little Laila, she has no blood relative left in her little life, aside from her mum (my D) & her half brother Jack & she really loved us. Little Jack has his Dad, his GP on his Dad's side & two grtGP auntie & uncles, so lots of real, blood family, but my darling little Laila no one & her name taken as well (that's on her birth certificate) can't get more wicked than that
Where's that well it is Friday, for you too Celebgran

Oh loved the Freudian slip Yogagirlyou gave me such a laugh; who knows maybe one day I'll be smokeless but all the time I'm smileless they do help with the stress of it all. Stopped taking my Kalms about 4 months ago after a year and a half. Maybe I should have carried on with the Kalms and given up the cigs but a glass ofis too wet without one. Oh dear, maybe I should give up mytoo; no that's a step too far.

Sorry your meal out was cancelled Celebgran I know how much you were looking forward to it. What a shame you couldn't have chosen a different venue that you'd all have been happy to go to.

I feel the same way about any possible FB link. I've not put anything on here that isn't the truth and if the truth hurts, well, so do lies but it's the lies that have all but destroyed our once close and loving family, not the truth.

Just going off to get my hair cut. We're out with friends tonight for a meal as it's our 34th wedding anniversary tomorrow and their 39th a week later.

Have a happy Friday one and all. Here's someto get you started.

I have absolutely no problem with anything I say being linked which is extremely unlikely anyway

Oh good on the FB link Minty perphaps the truth will get out without me doing anything then and if my GD step family think its right to distroy a once close and loving family, then they will be fine with it too