Cut out of their lives 3

Sorry that was an essay and half!

That is so awful

Tbh Smileless, your DIL sounds like my MIL..have you looked into 'Narc' traits at all? It might be really helpfull.

No he doesn't. She spread lies about me, discuss medical infomation, would let our child down ALL of the time, we would focus of life/work around her weekly visits and just cancel at the last second. It would be all our fault (somehow)
It all come to a head when i was pregnant/in labour with dd2 and she was just horrible, she said we wasn't making enough time for her, she can't believe how much we hate her and we are making it very awkward for her to see our DD1. I was in labour at the time!

She did a whole lot of other stuff aswell as telling people i have an eating disorder ( i dont, had PND and lost so much weight. She knew this)

She would tell me how much she loved our Dds but she didn't even send DD1 a birthday card or wish her happy birthday. She just messaged me abuse, on my DDs birthday, then threatened me.

DH just washed her hands of her. I've said we can talk and try and sort it out but he's had enough, he's had an extra 20+ years than me and i guess he just had enough.

I have posted here a while ago looking for a grans point of view just for advice on how to handle her and i was told to leave her to it. I just cant understand how anyone can treat their grandchildren like that.

Afternoon ladies. That's great news angie having skyped with your son and been able to see your grandson is certainly a step in the right direction..

This is such a difficult situation to be in and I can only relate to it from my own painful experience. You said in your first post that your d.i.l.'s dislike of you has resulted in lies, scheming and manipulation that have cut you out of your son's and grand children's lives. This is what has happened to us and so many others.

It is virtually impossible for people who have not had the misfortune to experience something like this, to comprehend that a child can cut off all contact with his or her parents and deprive them of their grandchildren unless they are some how to blame. We all face problems in all of our relationships from minor disagreements to more serious arguments but such an extreme reaction from one's own child and their partner, is inexplicable unless there's been something of such magnitude, that frankly, we couldn't have done such a thing and be totally unaware of it.

Lies have been told by our s and d.i.l. in order, I guess, to try and justify their actions. Our other s struggles with the situation as I'm sure your daughter does too. I've lost count of the number of times he's said to me that 'you must have done something' and the number of times I've told him that the accusations made against us, and me in particular, are untrue. I've also lost count of the number of times that I've said that even if the things we've been accused of were true, none of them either separately or collectively justify us being cut out of our only gc's. life.

As you son has said that this is as much fault of yours as your d.i.l., it might be a good idea for you to email your d.i.l. to say you're sorry for the current situation and ask if there's any way that it could be resolved. We are too far down the road for such an opportunity and unfortunately, our s never accepted when this all began, that he or his wife were in any way at fault.

Whenever I've dreamed of the possibility of reconciling with my s I've always thought about the bigger picture; how things could be in the future. Our d.i.l.'s lies, schemes and manipulation have all but destroyed our relationship with our s and me and my husband in to the bargain. Before this blew up in our faces we believed that we had a healthy and loving relationship with our d.i.l.; a lot of the lies that have been told are about incidents that supposedly took place during this period. So, she was working toward her ultimate goal behind our backs. When we were embracing her and telling her how much we loved her, and she was reciprocating, the scheme was already under way.

So, I can only speak for myself when I say that I will never apologise to my s or d.i.l. for things that I have not done. I've considered it, but then wondered what our future would be like and I had visions of bowing and scraping to her just to sustain any kind of relationship with my s and gs. As my hubby said to me one evening, we could never be alone with her again or even have a 'phone conversation bec. we would never know what false accusations might follow.

I don't know Yogagirl what's worse no hope at all or a little that may well come to nothing. It's only been this year that we've stopped dashing to answer the door, 'phone and emails in case it was him and now we're doing it all over again. Sounds like you've got a great weekend planned; so pleased that you're keeping your self busy.

Sorry that you no longer see your m.i.l. RedheadedMommy it's such a shame when things go so wrong. Does your OH keep in touch with her?

OMG what a long post!!!! Sorry ladies, I wish I wasn't so wordy.

Have a good afternoon everyone.

Morning Girls
Oh Smileless I know how you feel, I've now stopped all that, (jumping to open txt,emails, the door) as I see no hope, so very sad! & for tonight
Celebgran say well done to Rosie, losing a kilo!. Yes I'm off to Dalaman in Turkey on the conservation area where the turtles nest, it's stunning! are you from Turkey or Cyprus? Enjoy your w/e trip
Hi [Angie] I suggest you apologize to your d.i.l, even if you have done nothing wrong, I did that, & I had done nothing wrong, it didn't work for me, but anything that gets you back in is worth a try!
I'm off to Lakeside to meet up with my sister for lunch & then off to a gig with the girls tonight to dance the night away, 'oh happy days'

Hi Angie

I'm not a Gran but im a mum/DIL who has had a fair few problems with my MIL so much so, we now no longer see each other.

If your DS thinks you are both to blame i would be the bigger person and maybe write an email/letter to your DIL.

You have explained you have been cut off but do you know what you could of done? Or have you posted somewhere else?

Smileless2012 - thanks for your reply - I have to say I am not touched by rain as I live in a hot country - I hear it's bad in UK though!

Well, at last!! - I spoke with my son on SKYPE today - at least in the end he made contact - AND I was able to see my Grandson.

I tried to discuss the problem with him, but he seems to think I am equally to blame for my DIL's behaviour, and that I need to sort it with her as others are getting hurt by the situation - .( I e he and his sister)

Ah well- how can he take sides - not expected - but I don't know how the rift can be healed - any suggestions ladies?? - as it was he promised to keep in touch and send photos of the kids - ( when he gets round to it)
I have to be grateful for small steps

Hope the doctor's appointment went well Celebgran and that you've finished packing, or should I say 'flinging'. I'm sure we'll all be good while you're away, just make sure you behave yourself too. Have a great weekend.

Oh smileless do feel for you is such a stressful roller coaster to be on!

Foot no worse, but today we took Rosie to vets so pleased my cutbacks have worked she lost a. Kilogram!

Husband got me doctor appt at 3 20 so hope shed light on why have go back reference xray.

Yogagirl didn't know you going Turkey next month for yoga fun!

Well better go fling some stuff In Case!

Be good everyone! X

Wow, you are a busy bee Yogagirl, and all those fish and chips, it's a good job you're busy with your classes. When do you go away for your yoga retreat? Can someone who doesn't do yoga come and just watch and if so, is there any room for me? I imagine it must be very relaxing and tranquil.

Well, we've had some contact but it's too soon to say whether it will be an on going thing. He hasn't responded yet to the email we sent Monday afternoon so we're in the usual cycle of waiting and hoping. Sadly for me it was my hubby who spoke to our little gs; I wasn't there. He didn't tell him that he was his grand dad because he didn't think it was the right thing to do for any of them.

It is good that there's been some contact of course, but as I was going to bed last night I had an OMG moment and wondered if we'd just strapped our selves in for another roller coaster ride that has only just begun. Now when the 'phone rings, the computer bleeps to alert us to a new email or when I hear the garden gate being opened, I wonder if it's him.

Morning Girls
Yes had a nice w/e lots of work & lots of play too. Went for a fish & chip supper at my ND new home on Fri, Sat went to a quiz night, Sun back to the same place for a party night with 'the girls' & then Sun sat under a huge umberella in the rain at Old Leigh by the sea for a fish lunch with a couple of the girls, so lovely times but also still taught two yoga classes each day! I'm really really busy now uptill I go to Turkey for my Yoga retreat in June!
Well Smileless like Celebran I too am jealous, as you have contact with your Son and even though it's not all good it's still contact & you got to see little Miles too, how wonderful! did you manage to say "I'm your nannie"?
You sound like your having a nice time Celebgran going out and about to all those nice places! hope your health is improved
Hello Angie welcome to the club of sorrows, so sorry you are in the same boat as all of us on here, it does help to 'talk'. Advise! Treat this behavour as a tantrum & wait for the storm to blow over, don't do the mistake I made and go to court, it made the situation a thousand times worse! Good luck

Thank you angie. How are you doing at the moment? This weather isn't exactly helping to lift our spirits is it. I just hope we get a lovely summer like last year. Some would make us all feel a little brighter wouldn't it.

Well I've had a strange day today but hardly surprising I suppose. Cancelled my gym class at the last minute but managed to get some things done this afternoon so it hasn't been a complete waste of a day.

How's that foot of yours feeling this evening Celebgran, a little better I hope.

How was your weekend Yogagirl? I hope you did something nice with that ND of yours. May be they've roped you in to help them decorate their new home. If you need any tips, you know who to ask .

Have a good evening ladies and hopefully pleasant dreams for us all.

Smileless2012 - you are indeed on a Roller Coaster - my own thoughts re your first message re your son'd contact - and a time indeed to ' steady the nerves' and go with ' the offering'.

- It makes you mad sometimes to have to compromise yourself and your inner feelings for the sake of sustaining the relationship, but surely here is the strength, and the love - I hope it bears fruit for you - xx

Thanks v much celebgran for the warm welcome.

Thanks for the Celebgran, I think I need it to calm my nerves, we've got such a long way to go so are trying to take one day at a time and not get our hopes up.

I can't think of any other situation in life that can put one's emotions in such turmoil. I was so angry the other evening when he turned away from his dad, totally shocked when he turned up on Sunday, shocked and some what pleasantly surprised to see he'd emailed us, full of hope and trepidation as my shaking hands managed to find the right keys to open the email and finally saddened, confused and strangely relieved when I read its content.

I don't know how any of us manage to endure this. So many friends and acquaintances have asked us how we manage to cope but what's the alternative?

Sounds like you've got some nice things planned Celebgran, good for you. You'll have to try and rest your foot as much as you can. I should have been at the gym this morning but cancelled last minute. Don't know if I'm coming or going at the moment. I've been on this emotional roller coaster for too long now, I just want to get off. However the ride ends I just want it to be over.

Damns lost my post!

First of all welcome angie as smileless said we are a supportive bunch !
We rant sometimes and. Share everyday stuff and laugh also! Sorry you too have pain of estrangement.

Smileless that is very positive news very pleased for young celebrations.

I realise depends on if d I law will let him but sounds like your son really wants heal the rift. So pleased for you and to be honest bit jealous our daughter does not want even try sort it out after 5 years fear there is no hope there.

Husbands plans visit with godmother on June 9th day after little mollie is 6 breaks my heart to say that when we not shared one birthday with her.

Still we really are doing best to live our lives to full and try not to dwell on all we lost. Our so. And family visiting on 14 June and hope arrange visit with little Danika next week.

Sat i. Friends garden Sunday while husband at work got too hot! Since then cold wind and rain oh well it is British summertime!

Best luck smileless it is looking good.

Yogagirl hope you enjoyed weekend.

We getting. Excited about trip to Belgium see cliff on fri concert sat and booked theatre and meal in London e. Route Thursday! Did that yesterday to get good deal. Seeing hitchcok 39'steps. My foot so painful trying limit walking,

Another story of heart ache angie. I am so sorry that you too are having to deal with the loss of your son and gchildren. It is has been described as a living bereavement and that's exactly what it is.

You've described my own situation and this is the same for almost every one who is in the same position, the only difference for some being that it's the s.i.l. as opposed to the d.i.l. who appears to be responsible.

The only advice I can give is that you take each day as it comes, this is all any of us can do. I am so pleased that you have come on to this thread and even if you don't wish to post, do come on as often as you can and read what the rest of us have to say.

Sometimes we have a rant, as I did yesterday, and thanks for your supportive comments. Sometimes we have a giggle but what ever we choose to share, there are always lovely ladies here to give their love and support.

This thread, and the one that came before it, has quite literally saved my sanity and I will always be grateful for the love and support I've found here and I know will continue to find; I know t will do the same for you.for you angie.

Well ladies I hope you've enjoyed your bank holiday weekend; ours has been eventful to say the least. Hubby bumped in to our s in the village shop yesterday; our gs was with him so he said hello to them both. Our s wasn't exactly thrilled to see him but it wasn't too bad, or so we thought.

About an hour later our s appeared demanding to know what we wanted from him, telling us about the problems he was having, accusing us of abandoning him, not caring about him and blaming us for his plight. It gave me the opportunity I've been waiting so long for. I told him that what we wanted was our s back, that we loved him but couldn't be expected to know how much he was suffering when he refused to communicate with us. I told him that we wanted nothing more than for him to come through his present difficulties and that we would do what ever we could to help him but, that he had to start taking responsibility for his own actions.

Well, you wont be surprised when I tell you that that didn't go down very well. He left in a huff telling us that we were to leave him alone. If we don't try and get in touch, we're wrong; if we do, we're wrong. In a strange way I was relieved that I'd been given the opportunity to say what I've wanted to say for almost 2 years. Our d.i.l. was out when hubby saw him in the shop, and it was no surprise to us that after he'd left and we looked up the road, we saw that she was back. Clearly she was a lot more wound up by their chance encounter than he was, hence the visit.

Today, against all the odds, we received an email beginning with an apology and an explanation for yesterday's behavior. It's as if we've been shown another door which may be possible to open. Now it wasn't so long ago, only about 6 or 7 weeks, that we believed we were in the same position, but unfortunately it wasn't meant to be.

May be it wont happen this time either, who knows. We've emailed him back being as caring, loving and supportive as we can be, but we've also answered his questions honestly. That in itself may prevent us from getting any further but where as we don't want to drag up all of the past hurts, we cannot simply ignore them either, especially the fact that our gs who is now almost 17 months old, doesn't know who we are because we haven't seen him since he was 8 months old. He asked us how he'd wronged us so that was the answer he received together with our reassurance that it has not, and never will diminish our love for him.

So, here we are again. Thankful beyond words that he's been back in touch, terrified of another rejection but loving him too much to allow fear to prevent us from reaching out once more.

How long can we keep on doing this? I really don't know, but I suspect for as long as it takes; what else can we do?

Oh Dear oh dear - this story sound heartbreaking - you certainly have plenty of reason for your distress - it seems that sometimes your children can be cruel beyond belief ! and it's hard to think that they. now as parents. should understand the pain they administer to others.

I believe you are probably right in the assumption that he can't face up to his actions - perhaps his is ' influenced' in his ' new family life' and therefore and not able to respond any other way?

It seems you are doing everything you can to 'keep the door open' - and no doubt you will continue to ' be there for him - no matter what ! as any good parent is !

Take care

A

I posted last night for the first time, and the lovely ladies who responded suggested I join this thread.

I have been actively cut off from my Son and Grandchildren - as a result of scheming, lies and manipulation by his spouse and her family.
I live 2000 miles away from them anyway, so that's hard enough!, but now I am struggling to cope with being blocked from seeing photos, which once brought such joy, Skype, and responses to texts.

It's complicated, but basically my DIL hates me and wants me out of the way, and my S ' needs to grow a pair' LOL.
- result -?? I hear my Granddaughter at the back of my head calling my name, - and know I need to put this aside, get on with my life and be strong, - but it's damm hard !!

Any advice as to strategies???

Morning ladies, hope you've all got something nice planned for this bank holiday weekend.

Oh Yogagirl what a pain, especially as you were so lucky to get through. I didn't see it all but what I did was quite comforting especially at the end when Denise said that the parents of these gchildren didn't have to apologise and climb down from their high horses, they could simply decide to move on and allow contact for the gparents. When Phillip Schofield said quite simply that it was cruel, you could see that he really meant it.

We saw our gs as we were driving out of the village the other night. I wish they'd get the house sold and move away. It's awful not knowing from one day to the next if we're going to drive past him. I think being 'so near yet so far' is worse than not seeing him at all. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive our s for what he's done to us with that darling little boy, no matter how hard I try.

A week before our trip, we actually went to see our s bec. he'd emailed us and we thought he was reaching out to us bec. he needed us. We were with him for about 45 minutes and for the entire time his father had his arm around his shoulders, held his hand and cried. We told him how much we loved him, that we were there for him and would do what ever we could to help him.

Only 3 weeks later when my darling hubby spent the day in hospital bec. we thought he was having a heart attack and our DS 'phoned his bro to tell him what was happening, there was nothing. Not even a brief email or text to his father so say for eg. 'glad you're OK'. Then, the other evening my hubby drove past our s, his wife and our gs, and as he approached them, they both turned away. So, only a few weeks ago bec. we thought he needed us and bec. we love him we were there for him, and now he can't even bring him self to look at his own father.

Cruel!!! it's beyond cruel. There simply aren't any words to describe such loathsome behavior from a child to the parents that spent his or her's entire lives loving, caring for and supporting them.

I don't know how they sleep at night, how they can stand to look at themselves in the mirror but I suspect that when our s turns his face away from us, it isn't bec. he can't stand the sight of us, it's bec. he can't face up to that he's done and continues to do.

Oooh sorry ladies for the rant . Have a good weekend all of you.

Bless thanks yogagirl was nice lady doctor very efficient. She has knee
Problem herself! Other doctor had forgotten refer me for physio! She did that in front of me and asked for priority due to delay ref my foot got make another appt ! So rushed at our doctors, but she prescribed pain relief and different gel for knees using for foot also.

Glad funeral ok yogagirl and your nd. Settled ok.

Gosh she sent me for a other xray too on knee hospital was so crowded!
We off theatre to night poor Joan our elderly neibour ill so we doing her shopping too busy busy.
Just bought some lovely plants for garden couple ready done basket and tub hope get time over weekend.
Have good weekend all.

Morning Girls
I could kick myself, as I could have gone on 'This Morning', I phoned, got through, but then I cut mysel off, because they had said "ask Denise a question", if they had said,' tell your story', I would have gone on, so not having watched the programme before, I was unsure how it all went, but after watching it, I could have gone on and just told my story as the other ladies did. I only wanted to go on, so that family & friends of my s.i.l would hear the truth & the cruelty done to me by them for no reason. I would have asked if the UK would be bringing in the same law as France, Oz & a few other countries, where GP cannot be cut out without a very good reason.
I recorded the programme, so you can all come round to me to watch it. It was very good & they were all very sympathetic to the nan's telling their stories on there.
Good luck at the Docs Celebgran & I hope you get the job at the school, hope the CRB check dosen't through up that bit with Mollie, that would be most unfair!
Thanks for asking Smileless my ND & her fiancee have their new house & are now decorating before moving in & the funeral of his dad went well

Ooh recorded only first half, so will have wait for tomorrow I think to catch it on I player !

Have bitten bullet and made doctor appt for 5 20 get. Ore advice on knees and wonder what happened to physio was supposed to refer me for. Seeing different lady doctor so hard get any appts at our surgery!

Thanks for that KatyK, I'll have to watch that and who knows, I may be able to get in on the 'phone in.

Oh Yogagirl fancy locking your self out, how did you manage that? Hope you're OK after your gc's bdays and that the funeral went as well as can be expected. How's your ND and her hubby doing? Hope they're OK.

Glad the interview went well Celebgran; every thing crossed for you.

www.itv.com/thismorning

Not sure if any of you have the time (or the inclination) to watch daytime TV but This Morning are doing an 'agony' phone in tomorrow on grandparents' rights.

Oh. Yogagirl horrid lock yourself out!

Interview went well got cross fingers crb check does not show police harassment thing I starred new thread cos could not open this one wondered if was full?

Hope funeral goes well as they can,
Just had to shop for Joan our elderly neibor she has chest infection typical Gra got car today! Wheeled trolley home and Rosie pain keep jumping up bless her claws really scratch got bit cross unheard of for me with her!