Cut out of their lives 3

Morning ladies. Ducked out of boot camp this morning; not
myself today and have loads to do before going to Oz so thought I'd get cracking today. So what do I do? come on line and find it impossible to resist chatting to you all .

Glad you enjoyed you Sunday Nightowl; I love getting in to bed with clean sheets too. Please don't feel like a bit of an impostor by sharing with us here. You say you can't share in our pain but that lovely poem that you posted shows that you understand and that's what we all need.

It's comforting to know that you're 'still around' Aka and following this thread . Thank you both Aka and Nightowl for your lovely comments .

Be kind to yourself Ashmore, you have every right to feel as you do and it's much better to get things of your chest. This is the place for having a good moan on bad days and being positive when days are better.

WONDERFUL news about your scan Celebgran . Didn't doubt for one moment that all would be well. Your heart is so obviously full of love and compassion, how could there possibly be any thing wrong with it.

I'm with you Yogagirl and Ashmore about the positive act of writing ones feelings down. I've got pieces of paper with half written letters and letters written in full but never sent, and when I read some of them I can see how far I've come, and with a few, I'm just glad that I wasn't tempted to actually send them. Putting the words to paper helped rid me of some of my but wouldn't have helped those it was aimed at to have received my letters.

Said at the beginning of my post that I wasn't feeling quite myself today. There's been an enormous change in our situation, one that we thought might have enabled our s to contact us, and understanding how hard he would find that to do, we wrote to him last week; telling him how much we love and miss him and would love to have him back in our lives.

Up until last night, I was dreaming about how wonderful it would be and couldn't stop thinking that today might be the day we get that call, text, email or knock on the door. Then something rather strange happened last night; I suddenly felt uncertain and anxious about him getting in touch bec. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that just yet . Hubby feels the same. Is this bec. of all that has happened we are telling ourselves this to try and protect ourselves from what we believe is the inevitable pain if he does't get in touch, or is it bec. we simply aren't ready. We have been so badly hurt and utterly betrayed, will we ever be ready.

I'm sure it will be much better all round if things are left as they are until we get back from Oz, but it's this fear I now have that I'll never be ready, that perhaps it would be safer to continue to love him from a distance. I hope some of you lovely ladies can share your thoughts with me.

for you all.

Ash more is easy go to google blogger and it gives instructions google setting up blog! I find it useful to put what I am doing and ask about mollie and her sisters, also about what we send them I attach photos of her uncle and us so hope one day she will be able to. See that we never stopped loving her or caring about her and we did send presents card a every Xmas and birthday Easter etc

I am Still sneezing so no acquacise and had bad night, strange as was on cloud nine about my good results. Yes yogagirl stress is an awful thing, I know that is what has affected mynblood pressure and In turn thickened my heart muscle, but now this low dose beta blocker getting b pressure down should be on the up!

Smileless bet you getting excited about oz it will be fantastic to see your son lovely for you.

Libra hope all well as not posted lately.
Dollie how is that knitting coming on?

Happy tuesday all may try cut grass later if feel better, horrid night, little Rosie woke us,up needed comfort stop! And I had horrid dreams connected with my situation made me afraid go back sleep, perhaps had temperature.

Poor husband at work just taken him and have given him my sore throat !
Will have make fuss of him tonight,

Weight not good we share cares tea after hospital appt. consultant reckons try halve patch again (hrt) now b pressure stable, the we went harvester, did not really enjoy but managed bung on 2lb. I like Blue cheese salad dressing!
Oh dear try again today, prawn salad lunch, fish new pots cauli cheese for tea quite healthy low fat cheese semi skim milk!
Have got lose 2 stone according to cardiologist.

Not doing too well with your Ashemore lol
I see this thread as a sort of diary, thats why I printed some off to save for my GC (when older), think I may print a few more from after Xmas when I stopped as now seems to be end of story and just waiting for God now! I began printing the whole page, but one page on here is about 5 to print out, so I then started to copy & Paste, cutting out chunks, espically the 'sport' ones (posters from who knows where, coming on to have a dig at us on here) .

third time lucky?

Well 2 out of three ain't bad....
[Cupcake]

Celeb gran, blog? How does that work? I am not used to much internet stuff and It was suggested keeping a journal. Which I would find difficult. I decided to write her emails to one of my old addresses.,even if it I was just a line to say I missed her, it is dated for me....

Thankyou yoga a girl! Ashmore is a house name as is 32 but not the same house rather than a place and both quite remote, Ashmore has 3 villages before the main town and county as part of the address and only 7 houses make up the first line now. Middle of nowhere.

I know the feeling,, I think writing down sometimes is like a silent bin emptying session. Sometimes I put in words that are synonymous with excrement and imagine how smelly and messy the person I am writing about will get when it gets emptied over them (in my trash) always careful never to put an address in before I finish just in case ....
Hope this works but sending
[cake] all round.

Hope to get more sleep tonight on a long day tomorrow, all 12 hours of it....then Two days off!

Hello Ashmorehope you found some more energy for work. I have to try and work out who you are now you have changed your name , but you've made me as anyone knowing your favourite place growing up was Ashmore will still know who you are Personally I don't care, as its their situation as well as mine, so they wouldn't hear anything they didn't already know and I can't imagine anyone else finding this forum, or thinking to look for it. Just read your next post, so I now know who you are, but then so will everyone else who has been looking on here, I really don't think you need to worry about that, I would say 'good!' if any one I knew saw my posts, I would like them to know what's in my mind and heart. I have actually printed out some post of mine from when I first came on here, as I want my GC to know (when they are older) the pain and heartache I've been through by being 'cut out of their lives' for no reason .
for you Ashomore
I'm reading down the post and commenting as I read, so Celebgran I'm with you regarding nothing to hide, I don't care who reads my posts, as I've done nothing wrong and am just writing to say how much I miss my D & GC and wish to be reunited with them. So pleased your heart scan has come back clear and healthy Celebgran , so it must be down to stress then! Stress can do terrible things to the body and mind, I know my mind and body have had a battering this last 16months! As you may remember, I too went for heart monitory, then I thought I had cancer, then I was convinced I had a brain tumour! but all down to stress as nothing was found
Sorry for my long post girls, it's because I came on here straight after trying to write a last letter to my D, but I kept writing and deleting, writing and deleting, until I listened to my inner voice, my gut feeling and deleted the lot , so I feel a sort of sense of peace, that that's it, no more communication from me, its in the hands of God now, just wish he'd hurry up

Thank s night owl I am so so pleased! Despite being binged up with cold feel on cloud nine !

Good news celebgran! I'm so pleased, and what a relief for you

Great news yogagirl smileless libra and all other kind people who were interested mynheartmscan clear !,,the artery ones, rang hospital as going for hrt check shortly and verynheful lady read letter out! No furring of arteries I performed well in tests yippee!
Need lung test now but fingers crossed they ok and it's losing weight 2 stone advice of cardiologist so got to heed it.

Sorry means ashore! iPad to blame

Don't beat yourself up ashore. Whatever you feel comfortable with some of us use pseudonyms some don't.

I am not afraid or embarrassed to tell my story and do use my beloved grand daughter real name Mollie as I have absolutely nothing to hide and say nothing malicious.

I also do a blog online for her as it helps me to know one day she may read it.

Thank you, it never crossed my mind until reading what some others had said, I have been careful not to name names, though cross referencing may have narrowed down if in the 'know'.
The important court case as far as my to date comments are concerned has finished, though I suppose contempt proceedings should be kept in mind...my contempt plea is guilty as charged mind. Until last year my attitude would never have been so bleak.

It is so important that no-one uses names or places that can be identified.
This is a public forum and can be read by anyone.
And never ever use the children's or your families names.
Even more important if any of you are going through a court process, social network posts can be used in court.

Oops, previously the sorry for herself gran with a dislike of SS and the loss of her Grandaughter.....hopefully this new persona will be more positive....

I was not quite so wise when I posted with my real name over the last week or so, not that I have anything to hide, but a few comments about who may see what I post, that I would rather not be seen got me thinking. My pseudonym relates to my favourite places growing up. I have found all of your comments helpful and am slowly getting to recognise familiar names between the various themes.
Had a rather unfortunate letter in the post which got me needing to rant uncontrollably in my head, so did the housework before going to work, something Almost unheard of. Now I find, giving to work is going to be a nightmare as I have no energy left! Hey ho....hpope all your Mondays are less tiring....

Thank you nightowl and Aka lovely to hear your comments, have a nice day

I'm still around too. I've not posted but have been following all your posts. As Nightowl said you are all indeed lovely people

Lovely to see you on here night owl ! you don't have to be In pain to share good Times and bad with us all

Agree we have had such simple day, pot fresh coffee on patio, doze I sun, setting more sweet peas and tidying up ones I over wintered. Yet it was one best relaxing days for ages. Simple unplanned days often work out best. Of course the sun helped!

Sleep well all of us especially nigh owl in nice fresh bed! X

Hope you all had a lovely Sunday. Wasn't it nice to see the it did my heart good! I've had a lovely day out in the countryside with a good pub lunch. Just put clean bedding on and looking forward to going to bed early with a book. Simple pleasures are the best sometimes! I feel a bit of an impostor posting on here as I can't share your pain, but you're such lovely people I hope you don't mind if I just pop in now and again and send good wishes. So here's to all of you and

Evening Girls
Had a lovely afternoon by the sea in the sunshine after my morning yoga, felt quite tired when I got in, so leaving letter writing till tomorrow.
You never know Celebgran you may yet get a reply, miracles do happen.
I will ask my D to write back and tell me why she cut me out, as I have never actually been told the reason and I will say I went to court to fight to see my previous GC and her, as I love them so much and can't live without them in my life and would she have not done the same if she had been kept from seeing her babies, as was the case till I stepped in.
Well enjoy the rest of your Sunday evening girls, I'm off to get something to eat and a little glass of wine now I'm better
& for all xx

Agree smileless yogagirl did not have to be so generous with her flu germs!
Glad you feeling better now yogagirl. I did not ever expect a response if I am honest from my daughter, I felt compelled to express. My disgust at her refusing us photos of our Grandaughters yet putting one on facebookafter blocking us, her brother and godparents.
Rant over!

Welcome Bohemian my heart goes out to you I know so well as do other ladies the awful heartache involved in not seeing little grandchildren.
We are a caring lot and the kind ladies on this thread have helped. Me through lots dark days.
We have fun and chat about our lives it is not all doom and gloom.

Pleased 2 out 3 daughters are back in your life and. BE patient lets hope it gets sorted with your third and the little ones.

It is good to be able to welcome some one knew to this thread Boheminan but also very to know there is some one else suffering the pain and anguish of separation. As Yogagirl says, we all feel your pain and to have had it three fold must be almost too much to bare. To have re established contact with 2 of your D's must be of some comfort, but I understand the pain of not being able to see your other D and your gc. for you.

Suitcases Yogagirl, still have to buy some new ones. Want to get really light ones so we can take plenty with us. Already had one little shopping spree and going for another one on Thursday .

Sorry your not feeling too well Celebgran; wasn't that naughty of Yogagirl to pass on her sore throat, still we all do like to share on this thread don't we . I expect seeing that photo of your gc has got to you more than you realised. I'm so sorry that your D hasn't replied to your letter. It's the lack of response that makes it so hard to keep putting ourselves out there isn't it. We seem to be damned if we do and damned if we don't.

Hope you're enjoying your free weekend Suzanne and that we are all able to enjoy the . Happy Sunday Librachick, Dollie, Nightowl and all of the lovely ladies on this thread.

Lovely sunny Sunday!
So sorry to hear your sad story Boheminan, we all feel your pain, hope things work out for you and you get to see your D&GC. What a shame your other D's wont step in to help, thats whats needed
Morning Celebgran sorry your not well ("wasn't me"like the song) lol. I'm all better now, took 17days to get rid . The sadness never goes Celebgran does it, its gone all quiet on my front, apart from we suspect that my S is now not talking to D&s.i.l going by a comment from my prev. b.i.l, so need to do a bit of digging there. I'm still thinking of writing my D a last letter when I've time.
Out all day, from early morning, yesterday, went to an all day workshop with the famous 'Mohini Chatlani', then straight to teach my late afternoon class, nice D looking after my little dog, owing to rd closures, didn't get back till after 8pm!
Hope you are enjoying your free w/e Suzanne
I bet you've already got your suitcases out Smileless getting ready for your trip to Oz to see your NS, you'll be fit and healthy when you get there with all your gym work and walks
for all the lovely ladies on here.

Hopefully if we don't take much longer, enforced move, initially to protect our GD if we succeeded with SGO but now to leave bad memories behind, to Cove in Hampshire. Believe it or not, still less than half an hour on a good run from work 23 miles up the M3 /A30 at 6.30 in the morning. Hopefully about the same home at 8 at night! It can on a 9am-3pm day take an hour both ways to travel 9 miles to were we live now, courtesy of several schools and Walton Bridge!