Cut out of their lives 3

Adriadne I am sure any positive help of feedback is always welcome.

We are only too pleased to chat to anyone who is not offensive.

I feel extraordinarily lucky that I have an amazing son and the delight of enjoying my twin brothers Grandaughter since her birth 18 months ago.
I certainly dont begrudge anyone their happiness In Their grandchildren.

This week. My beloved husband is 70 and it is so sad to see the pain in his face at times but we carry on and enjoy out life the very best we can.

It certainly teaches you the people who care and sadly my sister was t one of them. However is supported her daughter and 3 children best I could and certainly not happy at their Misfortunes.

I do wish that the regular contributors to this thread, which increasingly feels like a closed shop, wouldn't feel so defensive when someone "outside" tries to join in, and, actually, be helpful. It is an open forum after all.

You pain and distress is very obvious, and most of us would hate to be where you are, and really do sympathise with you. But it is becoming increasingly clear that we are not welcome, however much we want to help ease your suffering.

I know we "don't know what it's like" but sometimes someone outside sees things more objectively, maybe?

Just trying.

celeb if that snide comment was addressed to NSW or myself, I cannot answer for her or him, but no, I have no intention of causing trouble, no, I do not have a boring life, and BTW since when was admission to this thread decided by you or anybody else? If you want a private thread nobody is stopping you, but as long as this is an AIBU a thread on GN, anybody at all is entitled to contribute.

I hope I am not being referred to as being trying to stir up trouble.I try to be constructive when I can but obviously will butt out from now on.

Yoga girl. NEver say. NEver none of us know what the future holds
Just hang on In there and rejoice in your nice daughter and the lovely times to come

You very welcome yogagirl.

Every so often people come on this thread to try as. Stir up trouble I guess they have boring lives ?

Fortunately they don't succeed and slink off to annoy someone else.

Hello Annsixty, no I didn't do too much, I was careful not to, I would go round to visit twice a week for an hour, plus the hour in the park b4, with the little ones. I work full time, but I'm in and out, working during the day & evenings & w/e's too. So I have a few hours here and there free during the day. Whereas his mum has never worked so was there at my D all the time (apart from when I visited), that would have got on my nerves. My poor D had to iron his pants & socks, I did say to her "if he wants his pants & socks ironed, let him do it himself" as I thought that was ridiculous with her having two babies to look after. I actually bought them a tumble dryer so that she could just tumble dry & flatten out the clothes, saving ironing. So it was his mum overdoing it not me and that's why he is obviously saying that his mum does far more to help than I did. But then I wanted to be just nannie, whereas she wanted to be mummy and would have been if I hadn't have helped my D back into her family home & back with her babies, when he & his mother kept her out & away from her babies after a big argument! (learnt after about their severe personality disorders)
Bet you wish you hadn't have asked that question now Annsixty
Sorry waffling on, the meeting between my D's has upset me, especially with my ED calling me 'devil woman'
Thank you Celebgran for your kind words, they mean a lot & you're right, it looks like I will never see them again My ND showed me a picture of nasty s.i.l from his business page, he looked like a scum bag, with a huge bright yellow boa constrictor round his neck, it must have been 15ft long and really fat, frightens me to think my little GC are growing up with this sort of thing. I get horrible black thoughts of him being annoyed with my D or GD and putting it round their necks to hurt them,wouldn't put it past him!

What are these"situations we know nothing about?" I did read your post(s) celebgran and while I do not often venture on to what is increasingly a "private" thread for a minority, as this is a public forum we all have a right to comment.
As forum members we can only go by what we hear or read, so can hardly be blamed for not knowing more! I don't think NSW comes across as unpleasant, it is the apparent glee on your post which shocks, at citing your sister's family misfortunes not bragging so much now -is there anything wrong with a grandparent being proud of (or as you say "bragging about") their DGC? Do you not feel any sympathy or pity ?
And then you say she is tactless? ???

Celebgran please don't take this amiss, as I do know something of the situation you and others are in.

It must be very hard for Smileless to hear her brother talk of his GC, that I accept. And I don't think her reply was intended to make him feel guilty. Now I don't know if she does share his delight in her great nieces and nephews, it might be too painful. . But I really don't see his remark as 'insensitive' ... people cannot tiptoe round situations all the time. If we try to ignore the elephant in the room, live can get very fraught and destroy the relationships we do still gave.

Only saying x

How extremely unpleasant you sound Waverley I suggest you reread my post it may help you be kinder if you only wish to try and be unpleasant also respectfully ask you not to make personal comment about situations you know nothing about.

Celebgran Both you and smileless are very over-sensitive if you feel that my post was criticism, instead of the neutral comment it was intended as. I have noticed this before when others have posted on "your" thread with what was meant as helpful advice to people who are asking "Am I being unreasonable?".

I hope you smileless is as sensitive to the burden of guilt that she is transferring to her wider family every time a passing mention of grandchildren triggers her to want them to feel sorry for her.

Before I leave you, I must respectfully wonder whether such a thin skin has contributed to the situation you have found yourselves in?

And now I shall stay out of your conversation - though I do wonder why you don't just stick to private messages when outsiders are not welcome unless the answer to your title question is the one you want.

Nextstopwaverley whoever you are I am sure smileless is pleased about her relatives Grandchildren and it isnt really Necessary to put such a critical
Post do you think ?

Tactfulness is always kind and most of us can be thoughtless without meaning to be lets hope you didn't.

smileless Can't you find it in you to be pleased for DH's brother about his five grandchildren? When he makes an innocent remark about how tired granchildren make us, you could perhaps bite your tongue and not come straight back at him with a reply to make him feel guilty.

After all, it is not his fault that you are separated from yours. It must make everyone else's life very difficult when they have to tiptoe round you and not even mention their family. It would make conversations with them a lot easier, and that would help you, too. You might even find that that you couild be interested in what the other little ones are doing, and that might ease your heart a little.

Smileless I can totally relate to hubby's thoughtless relative, my sister was always bragging about her adorable Grandaughters, now she has 2 out 3 kids broken relationships and police involved with daughter lots upset and what surprise she not bragging so much now.

Some people don't mean to be tactless is hard I guess.

and

Oh yogagirl it is nothing you have done. Just like me you did your best, please dont torture yourself.

I used to travel over 40 miles and make lunch for Tor after she had baby and I thought we had a lovely 9 months and I think we did but someone
Probably my s I law worked on her and fed her idea that we were t. Ended or wanted and I will never ever to my dying day understand it given up trying.

I bathed Rosie today! Bless her she smells so lovley now!
Not that we feel very energetic could been drinks and dancing at party not to mention the buffet, god knows what my weigh in will be tomorrow.

Got party bits for Gra 70th hope it all goes off ok! Borrowing 4 chairs from Joan looks like about a dozen coming then us!

Yogagirl I can totally understand. You would been hoping your daughters meet up would have been more productive, I would have too and is hard deal with the emotions afterwards. Please don't let it get you down too much . I so damn hard sending you big cyber hug!

Smileless hope you having good weekend.

for you too. X

Did you do too much Yogagirl and then come to be resented? I have experience of this.

Hello again!
My ND just left, told me a little more of the meeting with Jenni. When my ND was talking about her forthcoming baby, Jenni said "don't expect any help from the devil women" meaning me! So I know where I stand now, for sure, I was still hoping she was missing her mum. I don't know how she can say such a thing, when I took her in when she was first pregnant with Laila, I really looked after her, taking her to all her anti-natal classes, scans and the like, and then after the birth, babysitting when ever she asked. I would go round to hers, when she moved out, and took the two children & the two dogs to the park so she could relax in the bath, I'd come back and put the little ones to bed for an afternoon nap, and then Jenni & I would do some Yoga, she always said how good she felt afterwards, so I suppose this is all forgotten now

Thank you Celebgran
Sitting here this morning thinking I shouldn't have put that last post on the main page! Proving that you should never post/text after having a drink! I was feeling rather distraught, as it just felt like the final nail in the coffin of never seeing my beloved D&GC ever again.
Nice to hear you had a good time on Wednesday at your NS's club Celebgran sounds like you have a lovely husband & Son, so your very lucky there.

Oh yogagirl big hug that is sad! We do have lot in common think we both have face facts unlikely be. Part of our daughters lives again.

Keep strong we have our lovley son and you have your lovely daughter and exciting wedding and baby to look forward to.

We had amazing time last wed at posh club in London with Steve and. Just had great time at friends party life is still good.

Smileless hope your valentines been good, Gra got me trinket box engraved with to my lovely wife Anne love you always xxx so romantic !

Sitting here finishing off the lovely bottle of champagne left over from my party feeling so so sad!
My ND had the meeting with my ED, ND said she came away feeling very sad, Jenni didn't look like Jenni, she was very thin, her face looked different & her teeth! She was completely unperturbed about the situation, never spoke about it, never asked about how her mum/me was/is. She did speak a lot about Laila, how well she was doing at school, friends, parties, didn't speak about Jack! Has had tattoos done, one of nasty s.I.L's name on her wrist, getting more done! She said she was thin because she runs every day!?! Not seen or spoken to her brother for about a year! She works in their reptiles shop every day. Wasn't too interested in ND growing baby or the up coming wedding.
My ND said it was like talking to a new work college, & that if I had been there I wouldn't keep thinking about her all the time, she wasn't our Jenni. It makes me think he has got her hooked on cocaine, with the weight loss & change in appearance & lack of interest. I took down the lovely picture of my precious GC in the hallway, as I think that's it, I won't be seeing them again :'(

Yoga

Just drinking a glass of Champagne after listening to my new baby grandchild's heart beat, can't tell you how wonderful that sounds is!
(My daughter has a heart monitor)

Dear Yogagirl,
That was really interesting and many many thanks for that. I develop a new philosophy every day to try to deal with the grief , some days some of them work and others they don't. I could publish one of those twee books with a 365 day guide to survival and visit gransnet for a generation of wisdom would be up there.
Thank you

Oh looks like you can just click on the link..

https://lonelyparent.wordpress.com/2012/03/19/i-was-an-adult-alienated-child-long-version/
Here is the link, you can copy and paste into tool bar, sorry got to dash, have a yoga class......