Cut out of their lives 3

Morning ladies well Chinese was worry last. I got with Tor godparents normal one closed! However other was better I felt and after 2 large glasses wine was fun evening.

As always anything tricky left to end and I asked if Tor was being invited, answer no as Lynn felt was going be too sensitive and if she did come would be tricky rather than fun night mmmm not sure what to think. To be fair her godfather felt as she cut them out entirely now that an invite from another goddaughter was an idea to see if she would respond. I explained that I have been through so much that I just want to move on and I am past playing these mind games and I felt good as really do feel have moved on.
It is just the little ones can't bear think of and was proud I didn't cry while I explained it.

Smileless we are all going grow old disgracefully!

Yogagirl smileless I am quite up to speed on workings of phone, but felt so stupid reference case phone is very very good compared to my samsung galaxy fame! yet is not fancy expensive iPhone is mototorola e recommend ! My friend got one and I have tried help her
The friends who win raffle yes they won again Saturday

We off try sort pensioner bond for dear graham of course I nowhere near old enough

Did I mention new cooker ?! X

Evening ladies. Oooh you poor thing Celebgran I didn't realize your treatment would be painful; even more important that it begins to work and work quickly.

Understand and totally sympathize with the problems you've encountered with your new 'phone. I got mine over a year ago, gave DH explicit instructions to get me an 'idiot proof' one, and hardly ever use it.
Sorry about your S's cat. We get so atttached to our pets don't we and I have to say that the animals in my life are a damn site nicer than some of the people.

Me, a corrupting influence Yogagirl, don't know what you mean could this coincide with my New Year's resolution to grow old disgracefully?

Have a dear friend who spies on awful d.i.l.'s face book, even though they've been banned. Doesn't tell us anything about dear gc though as that would just be too painful. Anyway she's put a picture of a T shirt on with following wording "I am a Libra that means I live in a crazy fantasy world with unrealistic expectations. Thank you for understanding". DH wondered if this is the nearest we'll ever get to an apology!!!!

Have a good evening every one. I'm looking forward to 'Call The Midwife', swiftly followed by 'Mr. Selfridge'. Yep, getting old, not sure my taste in TV is in line with growing old disgracefully though.

Hi Celebgran No you are not stupid, these things are so simple to the young who have been bought up with all this new tecnology,but a bit baffling to us oldies

Sorry to here about your S cat and that your having problems again with Tor's Godmother. I'm having problems with my keyboard, so will post & be back when sorted

Aargh thanks yogagirl whatever mindset helps go for it,
My dear son would never mention Tor if I didn't.
Bless them their cat was run over and killed Friday ! She was skittish little thing but coped well with move and settled in. So sad, she made fuss of me at xmas.

We had fun last night few drinks and dancing to Great duo it really helps me forget the pain!

Yogagirl smileless you have a stupid friend Gra worked out my new phone not damaged it got stuck to plastic insert of phone case
So relieved!

Good news girls ordered posh new oven blomberg? Ticked all spots and got locally cheaper than online free installation and removal of old one, which I stupidly cleaned last week.!

Downside Tor godmother decided invite her to 60th do next month. Well said her and husband fell out over it, other godaughter was given Tor address now she has backtracked as I contacted her and she knew nothing?,! It makes. Me realise that we are ones who hurt of course and other people don't really care much probably get bored with hearing it all.
Hurts when known this persons Tor godmother 44 years! Wow.

Happy Sunday all.

Ah Celebgran so sorry to hear how upset you were on Tor's B/day, and yes she most definitely would have missed your card, maybe it has got her thinking more than if she received your usual card! hope your foot is feeling better. I do try not to bring up the subject of my ED with my ND now, I wait until she speaks of it, having said that, we always seem to get on the subject somehow. Nice to hear the love between you & Danika.
I'm trying to have a different mindset, instead of thinking about how much I miss my ED and how much I loved & adored her, I am now focusing on what a terrible evil, heartless & cruel thing she has done to me, my ND & Laila, somewhat to Jack, but then Jack has his dad & a very large family on his dads side in his life, unlike Laila. It actually makes me feel less heartbroken when I think like this, but I now worry about my Laila in how she is being bought up with people who are nothing like us, in that they are cruel heartless & evil, and also she is being bought up in a house full of lies, deceit and malevolence & very bad language, very worrying
Well Smilesless sounds like you have a lovely sporty little new car, sounds lovely, enjoy it . Strange how you picture your life as a jigsaw puzzle, never thought about it like that, but good thinking. I was awake very early this morning, so decided to watch the 'call the midwife' on my little hudle as I couldn't get it out of my mind what you had said about your m.i.l, have to say I was disappointed, just a tidy bit at the very end,I imagined a happy family with granny & then the family leaving for Oz leaving the gran behind crying and limply waving goodbye! Obviously hit a soft spot with your m.i.l though bless her! That was the one and only time I have ever watched tv in bed naughty Smileless corrupting me lol

Wow smileless sounds very exciting car! Sure you will soon get hang of it all.

Oh woe is me ordered new case for my new phone and damn thing was faulty I didn't notice and it stuck to my one there was no plastic Insert. Talk about upsetting contacted amazon just apologised and say return will replace what about back of my phone! Only had it.week.

Yogagirl forgot to say is hard when you have you nice daughter like my son he feels I adequate if I get upset about Tor. Trouble is whatever our estranged ones have done we will always care about them and not possible to replace those feelings with another is it ?

Yes smileless Danika is sooo cute, she called Graham daddy compliment ! Cos he plays with her more than me! We love her to bits.

Well survived my treatment it was v painful! Glad be home did bit of shop then Gra took me for curry. Relax now.

Bye for now x

Afternoon ladies. I'm glad Tor's bday wasn't too bad for you Celebgran and I'm pretty sure that not receiving a card wouldn't have been what she expected; I'm certain our S would have been a little surprised the first bday he didn't get one from us. How lovely that you got a lovely cuddle from Danika. I wish there was a special little person in our lives who could do the same.

Hope the treatment for your foot goes OK and you soon feel the benefit, how many sessions will you be having?

You must have so many mixed emotions Yogagirl with your ND's wedding plans, I expect it's bringing back all kinds of memories of your other D's big day. It's understandable that she wants to be your main focus, and of course she is, but it's impossible not to think of the children and grand children we've lost.

We had a busy day yesterday. I went to the gym, then we had a meeting with our accountant and were discussing our options for when dear hubby retires in 3.5 years. It felt really strange discussing plans for when he retires; makes you realize that you're getting old. It doesn't seem that long ago that retirement plans were too far away to even think about.

When that was done, we went to get my new car. I'm over the with it. A Fiat 500 convertible, red with red and black leather upholstery. It's an ex demo so has all the extras and I've had some butterfly stickers put on. I much prefer small cars they're more 'me'. Now I just have to work out what everything does and where everything is.

I keep getting the same image in my mind of about 8 large jigsaw pieces, gently falling into place and fitting together to make a picture. I think of the individual pieces as different aspects of our lives that will eventually fall into place and who knows, when that eventually happens may be everything will make sense; here's hoping.

Yogagirl and smileless thank you both so much for thinking of me!
to you both,

Won't pretend it was t hard I woke round time Tor was born and cried quite a bit after took Gra to work. Still I managed go acquacise was struggle and met good friend for cuppa.

Thanks god it s over, I wonder if she missed my,card?

Quick,message as off to have shock wave treatment at last for foot.

Hope all running ok for you both and any other grans that may be looking. In.
On bright note we saw Danika yesterday bless her it was bit sad guess cos of week but gave me lovely cuddle it was soooo nice.

Firstly Celebgran hope your day went OK yesterday, with Tors birthday hugs from me too. I was so busy with doing my choreography for my weeks yoga classes I didn't get time to come on. My ND always visits afte her work on Tuesdays & my evening class starts earlier now, so I went to Tesco after & didn't hit the pillow till 12.30! So tired, but had trouble dropping off, thinking about how long it's been since I saw my beloved D&GC. When I voice this to my ND she is a little bit unhappy with me, with everything going on in her life now, she thiinks I should be foucusing on her, I try not to think about my other D&GC, but its hard to do!
My ND is planning her wedding, sending me pics of beautiful wedding gowns, discussing wedding venues & the guest lists. Funny thing, she phoned me this morning with the final lists & she had forgotten her dad! As she said 'just shows how much his been in my life!' He left us when she was 9 & her brother & sister were 6&3. Never paid any maintenance for them, yet I never stopped him seeing the children. He lives in Indonesia now.
Hello Smileless the story with your m.i.l was very touching, I'll have to watch it on 'catch up' I have always thought about those families, way back, that emigrated to Oz, it must have been terrible for the grans, no phones or Skype, only letters! I also always think about Madeleine McCainn & her poor mum Kate. My dad wanted to emigrate to Oz when we were little, but my mum (an only child) wouldn't leave her mum, my nan.

Evening ladies, hope you're all well. You're right Yogagirl it has been a bit quiet on here of late. I have no problem with you printing out any of the things I have shared on here. I hope one day your D does read it and realizes the pain and suffering that she's caused, and that caused by Celebgran's D and my S. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't make any difference to my S; he's so full of anger and bitterness and busy blaming us for all that's wrong with his life, I doubt he has room for anything else.

We were away for a few days last week and it was a welcome break. Anything that puts some miles between us and the horrors down the road is always greatly received.

Something really lovely happened on Sunday evening. I'd just finished watching 'Call The Midwife' when the 'phone rang and it was my MIL. She'd watched it too and the last scene where the children were getting on the boat to go to Aus. really upset her.

She rang to tell me that it made her think about what we're going through, how she didn't think she could have stood it if it had happened to her and wondered how we were managing to deal with it. She told me it had made her cry, and she hadn't cried since her hubby passed away 11 years ago. Then, she said "I love you ..... I really do". Dear hubby and I have been married 34.5 years and in all that time she's never said that to me. She's said she loves me when I've said it to her, but never like that. I was so touched it made me cry. She said she wished she could do something to help so I told her having her love and support was more of a help than she could ever know. I don't think I'd realized how much love I have for her until she spoke those words to me.

It made me take stock and appreciate the lovely people that I do have in my life; family and friends including of course the friends I've made on here. It also made me think how stupid and short sighted our S is; he's lost friends and all but one member of his own family through this, his dear brother.

It will have been a difficult day for you today Celebgran. I hope you and your dear hubby are OK;for both of you and a BIG HUG.

Morning Celebgran I've sent you a pm.
Thanks for saying its OK re print outs. It takes hours and hours to do, copy & pasting, otherwise its just too much, but even so it's still a lot, 2yrs of memoirs, just for my GC memory boxs. [Flowers]
I'll be back on tomorrow to wish you well, re Tor's b/day

Good see you yogagirl have sent you pm was worried so quiet all week on here !

Gosh our printer rubbish could never do that! Not had it long but does not seem v good.

That's fine is good idea.

Tor birthday tomorrow no card from me feels strange but spoke to our lovley son Saturday and he said something has to change so it has!

Off do client today sooo cold but she has heaitng up high normally.
Have good day yogagirl I too have those sort cards and it seems like different person doesn t it?

Smileless hope you enjoyed break away and all ok xxx

Sorry second paragraph should read 'words' and as you know D husband & his mother are no relation to my beloved GD.

The White Rose
This beautiful rose I dedicate to my precious grandchildren Laila & Jack whom I love with all of my heart & soul.
The white rose stands for the innocents of the child
The blue stem; the suffering of the child & grandparent
2years, 2months, 2days

I found a beautiful Xmas card from my ED, the worlds; "To my very special Mummy" (me) were so loving & heartfelt, thanking me for supporting her with Laila & saying how she couldn't have done it without me, ending with " lots of love and hugs" From that to estrangement caused by her narcissistic husband and his equally disturbed & jealous mother, brainwashing her to hate her gentle, kind & loving mum & sister!

Hope alls well with you Celebgran & Smileless seems remarkable quiet on here these days. I have been reading through the post of the last six months and have printed a condensed version to put in my GC memory boxes, also a copy for me, I have done this from the beginning when I first came on here, so it will be like a diary to look back on in years to come. I hope I can give this to my ED to read, so she can fully understand the Hell & hurt she has put her mum & sister through. Hope you are ok with this C&S, it's mostly our stories & some of the lovely comments & support from the other grans on here.
With love xx

Glad you coped smileless ! We just enjoyed I new bottle red with steak Gra. Cooked had little neared exchange about why we fall out quite bit over last year but think cleared air a bit.

Had lovely evening last night with couple we really enjoy,their company.

Not always case Tor godparents round wed and did not enjoy at all, she is so smug and kinda braggy heavens knows why but I kinda keep it going as know. Her so long but think has sort run it course if you know what I mean.

Our son Is 37 tomorrow. Wow!

Hope you enjoying weekend yogagirl smileless and all other grans x

Thanks for theYogagirl I'll enjoy a glass later with my evening meal. I have to say that today was a lot easier to deal with than I'd anticipated and I'm sure it's because of yesterday's little victory.

Thank you for your kind words loopylou maybe one day they will regret the way they have, and continue to behave; maybe they regret it already.

Pretty certain they'll regret their behaviour at some point........
My heart goes out to all of you.

Morning girls
Thinking of you today Smileless, I know before the day you think you will be OK, but then on the actual birthday of your GC it really hits you! So my thoughts are with you today & big hugs from me
As Celebgran has said you were very brave to do what you did, so well done you!
I just cannot understand why our offspring are so very cruel to the people that love them and their babies more than anyone, what can they be getting out of it, surely it must be damaging their hearts & their souls! You would think they would be proud to show off their babies to their own families, especially their mums & dads, brothers & sisters.
Here's some for you Smileless, but best wait till tonight God bless xx

PS oh dear, more typing errors I meant to put I don't think it's mean etc etc.

Well to be honest Celebgran and providing I've understood your post correctly, I don't it's mean not to tell them about a dance on the 24th if it's on at the social club they're too mean to rejoin. Of course, I could feel that away because I'm as mean as you are. Oh dear, I've just realized that the Christmas hat faces are no longer with us, still something to look forward too this Christmas.

You're not a miserable old git Celebgran. It's hard to have a positive mental attitude when things are the way they are for us on here. We all have our good and bad days, I'm sure Gra understands when you're a bit edgy on the days that you struggle; he'll have his bad days too I'm sure.

10 weeks until you go to Barbados, how lovely, just over 16 weeks until we go to Florida - can't wait.

Hope all is well with you Yogagirl and that you had a good weekend.

Let's all keep our chins up ladies.

Have to say smileless it is beyond me why your son has be so unkind our daughter every bit as bad, it is their problem I feel.

Oh smileys that was so brave you deserve

I am still being miserable old git. Trying hard be positive just feel sad as somehow Xmas much as I enjoyed seeing Steve our son I felt so sad about the missing ones !

Got get grip only 10 weeks just under and jet off to Barbados. Yogagirl is right think is the sadness makes me edgy with Graham but I mjst not ruin our lives.

Oh did I say that my friend who wins everything won wine and star prize meal for 2 at n years eve bash ! We are becoming bit less close they never ever share prize! Now we rejoined social club they too mean to but want me still tell them what is on !? We rejoined with another couple old friends and I many forget tell them about dance on 24th! . Am I being mean?

I delivered our gc's bday card at lunch time today on my way back from the village shop. I parked right outside their living room window and strode purposefully to the door.

There she was at the window giving me one of her 'if looks could kill', totally wasted on me though. As I was walking back to the car, the door opened and there was my S, unwashed, unshaven, tracky bottoms and no top looking thoroughly disheveled, worse than the last time I saw him. Sad really.

He looked furious and with the card in his hand bellowed "we don't want this". I said "but it isn't for you is it ..... it's for .....". I looked how I felt, unruffled, not bothered in the slightest and got in my car. I could see his mouth still working and an even more furious look on his face so I gave a little smile, a small shrug of my shoulders, stuck my nose in the air, and drove off.

It felt good, really good maybe it shouldn't have, but it did and still does. My little performance outshone the recent 'look at us, see how much we're in love; see what a happy family we are' performances that have been on show over Christmas outside my poor mum's house which have upset her so much because there he is, mum's only great grand child who she isn't allowed to see unless he's just outside her house, so near yet so far.

I'm not sure who was the most deflated, them or the helium balloon which by the way is 'Buzz Light Year', the name came to me as I was going to bed last night.

I told him over a year ago that as long as we knew where our gc lived cards would be sent for Christmas and bdays. We have no way of knowing what lies they'll tell as he grows up about his awful paternal grand parents but they'll never be able to tell him truthfully that we didn't love him, didn't care and never bothered. The duplicate card is ready for the memory box.

If a mere card bothers them as much as it appears to do, they could always move and to be honest, I can't for the life of me understand why they're still here.

Yes, I did have a nice day yesterday thanks Celebgran. We skyped our DS in Aus. and it was great.

The 3 of us were taking about future plans, when they are probably coming back to the UK, our more immediate plans for this year and future retirement ones. It was great because of course, none of our plans take in to account our other S but our DS bless him, is and always will be a consideration.

The best thing about it was it felt perfectly natural for our other S not be mentioned at all, by any of us. He's gone from being the elephant in the room to a less oppressive but none the less present dark cloud to disappearing altogether; the strain he and his wife had been putting on our relationship with our DS was at times so stressful it was making us reluctant to talk to our DS. You may remember ladies, that only a few weeks before we were due to go to Aus. to see our DS and d.i.l., we contacted him asking if he still wanted us to go.

I really do feel more positive than I've felt since this nightmare started.

It will be our gc's 3rd bday on Wednesday and already the big show has begun. There's an enormous helium balloon up at the living room window of one of 'Toy Story' characters; sorry, so out of touch with these things I don't it's name. Can't be just for our gc's benefit as it's facing outwards as opposed to facing in to the living room. Good of them to make sure we don't forget isn't it, but not to worry, our card will be put through their door Wednesday morning.

You ask Yogagirl how just the briefest glimpse of your gd can make your heart feel good and give a tiny moment of joy. I think what you've posted demonstrates how easily, simply and quickly joy and happiness can be brought in to some one's life but it takes meticulous and time consuming planning to continually bring in to some one's life, the opposite; and expense come to that.....I wonder how much that balloon cost them.

Wow glad it lifted your heart yogagirl

Seeing it written down wonder why i carried on so long writing etc!

Yep wish god would hurry up.

Friends came for coffee as I forgot take mags and phone case ordered for them last night . They stayed over 2 hours was nice tho,

I sent my little great nice card and cash for her birthday niece cut me out over year ago due to her ex long story not a word not eve Xmas card, sent care of my sister. So just texted sister said hope she got present!? Means I won't sent the other 2 one now hate being like that but is new me!?

Had better day today cooked huge roast and we just chilled, my poor little Rosie is on heat bless her, she enjoyed some beef!

Hope your day gone well smileless x