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Cut out of their lives 3

(1001 Posts)
D0LLIE Wed 19-Feb-14 19:04:28

Seems that no more posts can be added to cut out of their lives 2 ...

Soutra Tue 03-Mar-15 15:12:39

I take your point celebgran just suggesting moving from AIBU would preserve the support nature of the thread for the group who have clearly got to know each other, trust each other and understand where the others are coming from!

celebgran Tue 03-Mar-15 15:09:42

I think smileless you are right we should stay the same but thread 4

Thank you soutra for suggestion however with respect it is not differences of view point we all have those it is downright spiteful nastiness from same few I too won't name names.

Let's hope not too many people have been scared off I know I am very wary now.

I received an anonymous letter yesterday and it has shaken Me badly as I said before be very very wary of giving personal details to anyone.

Someone knows my address it is all personal stuff about my estranged daughter and not pleasant. The police came to see me and are being extremely helpful which is good as they have enough to do but they reassured me typewritten words can be traced on hard drives so I may find out the perpetrator I certainly hope so.

I am not implying it is anything to do with this thread just be v careful with details everyone.

grannyactivist Tue 03-Mar-15 15:04:31

I rarely post here, but I do read the thread from time to time. Much better in Relationships in my view as that's essentially what the thread is about. smile

Meercat Tue 03-Mar-15 15:02:03

Can I just say that there is a difference between a post that raises questions, make suggestions or even wonders if there is another side to the story and some of the aggressive posts that appear from time to time.

Unfortunately it is a feature of forum communication that some join in just to vent, be spiteful or nasty. Maybe sometimes those regular contributors that have experienced this might sometimes react a bit too quickly to a poster trying to present a different point of view but I have also seen on this thread that there are from time to time contributions that would elsewhere just be described as trolling.

This kind of post is unpleasant anywhere but in a thread where people are sharing their hurt and anger it is particularly nasty

Soutra Tue 03-Mar-15 14:53:09

I am sorry you feel the thread has attracted nastiness, but every so often someone is going to express an opinion to the question AIBU? And if their opinion is at all questioning they are immediately accused of nastiness, troublemaking, not understanding (how does anybody know?) and told not to post on "your" thread. There have been several replies to posts in this vein from the same 3or 4 people, and no, I will not name names.
I do understand that you as a group derive comfort from your conversations, but why not put it under "grandparenting" or "Relationships" and make it clear it is a sort of support line.
Just because the thread started on AIBU doesn't mean it is set in stone - and perhaps some heartache will be avoided.
Before anybody jumps down my throat again accept this is kindly meant.

Smileless2012 Tue 03-Mar-15 14:43:36

So ladies what does everyone think? Only 4 more posts after this one then we'll need to start COOTL4, where should it be, where it's always been or should we find a new home?

Smileless2012 Tue 03-Mar-15 14:35:56

Because COOTL has always been in AIBU I don't think it should be moved whenim although I understand where you're coming from.

I don't have a problem with being disagreed with or told that in some one else's opinion I'm being unreasonable but that isn't the issue here, it's the abusive and insulting way that such views are expressed. I see examples on other threads but COOTL seems to get more than it's fare share.

To be completely honest whenim I don't think it would matter which forum it appeared on, I think this thread will always be a magnet for nastiness from time to time.

Perhaps some posters don't want to give us the benefit of the doubt, perhaps some posters need to believe that we lie and have bought this down on our own heads because if we are as innocent as we say and this can happen to us, it can happen to any body.

May be they're just afraid.

whenim64 Tue 03-Mar-15 14:24:50

How about putting it under Grandparenting or Relationships?

whenim64 Tue 03-Mar-15 14:15:10

Can I reiterate the suggestion that has been made before, for when you start a new thread, please.

Don't put it under 'Am I being unreasonable?'

That way you are less likely to have posters answering that question.

celebgran Tue 03-Mar-15 14:05:44

Having said that I don't want anyone else to be upset that was Rathertongue I cheek comment. I personally have been overwelmed by the friend ship and support show. To me and is sad that others may be put off receiving it due to small minority who choose to be spiteful and yes smileless exhibit playground behaviour.

celebgran Tue 03-Mar-15 14:03:37

Well said smileless flowers

It is support thread yet repeatedly we get unpleasant posters I can only assume as said before they lead dull lives and have time and inclination to be unpleasant.

I too have had pm from ladies fearful of posting.

Sadly admin are somewhat tolerant of the rude posters but I accept it can't be easy to deal with.

Let's hope they will get tired of their sport and go and annoy some on else!

I will add warning please remember this is public and is best to never give out personal details sometimes that is easy to forget.

Yes smileless our journey is never ending and I hope we can always. Be here to support each other.

Smileless2012 Tue 03-Mar-15 13:56:23

I couldn't agree with you more Nelliemoser. It was only 2 weeks ago that over a period of several days some very unpleasant posts were put on to this thread.

This is a thread to support parents and grand parents who've been cut out of the lives of their children and grandchildren. Having been a regular poster here for more than 2 years, I find it extremely upsetting to find once again a repeat of such unpleasantnesssad.

As I posted only a couple of weeks ago, there is a need for this thread because there is a need for the care and support it gives. This is the 3rd thread for COOTL and will very soon reach its maximum 1000 posts. There is no limit to the number of COOTL threads that may follow because there is no limit to the pain and anguish of those experiencing this terrible estrangement.

I don't understand why this particular thread seems to attract such nastiness. I am extremelyangrybecause such behavior prevents some new posters from staying on this thread and I've no doubt prevents some from posting at all. In the last year I've had 3 ladies I pm because they felt unable to post publicly, not necessarily because they themselves came under fire, but because they saw others being treated so unfairly.

This is Gransnet not kidsnet. Disagreement and debate are to be expected and welcomed but some of the behavior exhibited here would be less conspicuous in the school play ground but not necessarily wanted there either.

Thank you Nelliemoserflowers and thank you too Carriegransnet.

Nelliemoser Tue 03-Mar-15 12:22:18

This thread gets worse and worse for it's seemingly nasty recriminations.
According to regular posters a couple of weeks ago it was intended to be a support group.

It appears to have deteriorated into a slag others off group.

Those posting such unfriendly and possibly abusive posts do not do themseves any credit by this behaviour as they really do appear to everyone else as being rather spiteful.

That is no way to attract the support and sympathy their dreadful situations need. I feel sorry for you all, but just what do any of you think it achieves to make a bad situation even worse?

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Tue 03-Mar-15 11:37:41

We just wanted to reiterate that Gransnet is an open forum - this means that it can be seen by anyone anywhere and so it's worth being very careful when using details that may mean people can be identified. Obviously anything that could be defamatory will be deleted.

Equally importantly - Gransnet is here for anyone and everyone who wishes to use it and all are equally welcome. People come to the site for all sorts of reasons - but we know that many come to find support and we would hate for anyone in this position to feel that they are not welcome to post or comment wherever they like.

It goes without saying that on some threads emotions run high (of course) but again, they are there for everyone to use. Heated debate is always fine - but we'd much prefer personal arguments to be kept away from the boards as they tend to sideline threads and defeat the purpose of them too. Don't forget that if you'd like to keep it more personal or have a separate conversation, private messages work much better.

grannygrace Mon 02-Mar-15 23:37:29

And no grannygrace is not from another forum,another fact that is wrong. But hey ho you only want to hear what you want to hear.

grannygrace Mon 02-Mar-15 23:25:58

Not trying to cause any trouble,you do that very well on your own.

celebgran Mon 02-Mar-15 23:20:10

Smileless granny grace is from a other forum trying to cause trouble look back at 2012 posts déjà vous

Smileless2012 Mon 02-Mar-15 22:34:52

confusedconfusedDon't know what's going on on here at the moment. Hadn't thought of that loopylou, if you buy your DH a vacuum all of his own and he starts hoovering for you, let me know and I'll get one for my DH.

Soutra Mon 02-Mar-15 22:10:32

So none the wiser confused assume this must be a private matter.

soontobe Mon 02-Mar-15 22:10:06

I think that there is a celebrity connection. Gransnet are not going to like that.

Ana Mon 02-Mar-15 22:09:21

I read it too, Soutra, no names (apart from the username of a GN member) were mentioned.

grannygrace Mon 02-Mar-15 22:04:06

Wrong totally involves no other site, some people cannot face up to fact.

Soutra Mon 02-Mar-15 22:03:19

I read it and wasn't aware of a name?

Ana Mon 02-Mar-15 22:00:06

We've been here before. It involves another site and obviously GNHQ has to nip this sort of thing in the bud.

grannygrace Mon 02-Mar-15 21:58:21

I names someone Soutra,thats not allowed even if one speaks from fact.

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