You cannot be proud to be…

ffinnochio
You have got me thinking now. What is the difference bewteen humility and low self-esteem?
We tend to accept that humility is a good thing, and low self-esteem is not, but can anyone define the difference?

Oh and ceesnan and jingl, of course you are perfectly entitled to think that a thread is a load of b*ll*cks, but there is no need to be quite so blunt about it, when the rest of us are enjoying the discussion. Thank you absent

I didn't read absent's OP as anything to do with boasting, or the negative meaning of pride; rather to say that no one has any right to feel pride either in the achievements of others, or in random qualities that you have no control over. I think she is absolutely right.

I had exactly those thoughts when DS2 did very well in his second year uni exams after overcoming many difficulties. I didn't feel I had any right to take pride in his achievement; after all, he was the one who had done it, so I sent him a text saying 'you should be very proud of yourself'. What I got back was a text saying 'thanks mum, aren't you proud of me then?'. So I obviously missed the point somewhere.

I am proud to be related to three wonderful adults. I don't think I have any right to take credit for that. They are their own people.

I'd rather turn this on its head- and say one should never feel ashamed of anything done by generations before us- tragic anyone should feel ashamed that their grand-father was a, sa, peodophile, or Great-grand-mother a murderer, etc. Or even living relatives-

and I do get what Absent says in a way, and how nauseating some people can be about their off-springs achievements, ad nauseum (the 'Jewish' or 'Indian' mother syndrome of the perfect children) -

but as others said, I am very proud of my girls and do take just a teensy weeny bit of accolade, with OH, for how well they-ve turned out, and I am very proud of my grand-children. So there ;)

I think it's possible to feel proud, in the sense I described earlier, yet be humble enough about it to keep your feet on the ground. I'm talking in the sense of how the man in the Clapham omnibus talks of feeling proud these days, not from a religious or pedantic analysis of the true meaning of the word proud. It's one of those words that has evolved into common use when describing the achievements of family and friends. I wouldn't use it about being patriotic or to hold a stance that excludes others, though - just to describe those lovely feelings about how loved ones strive and cope and earn credit for trying.

Well, we invented words to cover everything so, if we invented the word 'proud' to describe a feeling then, when you feel that way you're feeling proud [aren't you?]. I suppose it could spill over into 'conceit' but if you felt you were feeling 'proud' then that's what it was [to you]. I think .

I've been thinking quite a lot about this issue of pride, and what it's opposite might be. I guess it's humility. So many feelings exist in between these two opposites.
I honestly don't feel proud of either my children or myself, but will go with feeling joyful, gladhearted, disappointed, confused, unhappy, delighted, touched and humbled in myself and them. Can I wrap all that up into feeling proud - no. Nor do I experience true humility that often.

All that in between stuff though - yes! Quite content with that.

Of course I am proud of whatever gives me such feelings but it's personal to me and my family. Nothing will ever make me feel differently.

So my answer, Absent, is yes! You are being unreasonable.

Only that person themself can answer that one nightowl.

And if your children have not done so well? Or have taken a wrong path? What then?

absent I think if you son or daughter did well in something--as their parent--you can be proud of both your child and yourself.

If this was not the case then what you are saying is--it does not matter if you have been a good or bad parent.

As a parent it is your job to teach your children right form wrong--good paths and right paths and to GUIDE them.

I think its ok to be proud of yourself if your children have done well

Soop

I agree with bags.

I am proud of the qualities my children exhibit and their approach to life and to other people. I am proud of the fact that they have overcome large and small adversities and, I am proud of the, small, input DH and I have had in their lives to help them become the people they are.

Nonu Yay! With bells on. I don't have either the time or energy to proceed further with this nonsense. Better things to do.

I like to hear the details, too. Perhaps absent is fed up with the kind of pride that endlessly expresses itself. Like those Round Robin letters some people send at Christmas which suggest the entire family and the dog, cat and goldfish are over achievers. There's a conflict as well between the kind of families who think you shouldn't give praise (only 90% on the test?) and families that think praise is what's always deserved.

I agree wholeheartedly with Ceesnan's family members. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Sorry Absent. Got a bit grumpy there.

Can't imagine why!

I'm jolly well going to be proud (without being arrogant, I hope) about
my family or anything else I feel proud of.

This thread is a bit strange!

I'd say being proud of attributes whether your own, or of your offspring, is a human characteristic, it may not be logical, but nevertheless it's something most of display from time to time.

I mentioned this thread to my family during lunch yesterday, and their reaction was disbelief, well the main comment was"What a load of b****cks" followed by reasons of why they should and could have pride in the achievements of their families and friends. Everyone has the right to their own opinion, but you are definitely in the minority here Absent

Nonu Your posts are always positive

It's the details I'd love to read. My family are much less amazing

She just did

Do share it with us, Nonu

OK ,

I m proud as proud can be
Smug as smug can be
Boastful as boastful can be
About my darling , darling family and all they have achieved !
Could not give one single jot , who knows it !!

It is nit-picking. And it is pedantic (not always the same thing). I think it 'should' be (would be better) in Pedants' Corner too. I wasn't elected to say that either.

I am saying all this calmly and gently.