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You cannot be proud to be…

(129 Posts)
absent Sat 22-Feb-14 20:04:38

…Scottish, a woman or gay any more than you can be proud to be blue-eyed, naturally blonde and have long legs. These are random qualities. You cannot be proud of your daughter's PhD, your grandson's portrayal of a sheep in the nativity play or your son's promotion. These are their achievements, not yours. You can only be proud – if that's an emotion to which your susceptible – of things over which you have control – your own achievements, behaviour and, I suppose, possessions.

Kiora Sat 22-Feb-14 20:27:19

Absent i'v just googled 'proud' and it quotes ' feelings of deep satisfaction of ones own or someone with whom one is closely associated with' perhaps I have the wrong end of the stick in your post but I take that to mean we can be proud of our families achievements. Is there another word we can use in place of proud?

Ceesnan Sat 22-Feb-14 20:27:56

I don't understand why I can't be proud of my GDD's performance in the pantomime or my DS's degree? Why shouldn't I have pride in their achievements? Can someone explain please? Stumped sad

whenim64 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:29:01

So they are, absent but it won't stop me bursting with pride every now and again. I suppose the meaning has shifted for many people, and I rather like the culture of sharing pleasure and pride about the achievements of family and friends. When I was young, the stiff upper lip of the older generation that I grew up amongst was pretty miserable. I remember my grandmother just saying 'huh!' when I ran into her house to tell her I has passed my 11+. She did love me, I know, but would never give an inch when anyone had something to celebrate.

mollie Sat 22-Feb-14 20:33:26

Why not Absent? Why can't I be proud to be a woman? I don't understand why you think so?

thatbags Sat 22-Feb-14 20:36:56

One can be pleased as punch though and that'll do as proud since this isn't in the pedants' forum.

Besides, Chambers gives this: "Having a glowing feeling of gratification (because of; with of)"

So, yes, YABU.

Soutra Sat 22-Feb-14 20:39:16

Given that our DC and DGC share our genes I would say that in a small way we can take pride in their achievement. As for pride in one's heritage, we are part of and it is part of our make-up. So I can feel proud if I wish.

whitewave Sat 22-Feb-14 20:40:26

I am - proud of my children and grandchildren and some of my personal successes - and nothing anyone says will make a jot of difference!!!

Deedaa Sat 22-Feb-14 20:41:10

I am certainly proud of DD's PhD because in spite of our less than affluent circumstances we were able to get her to university and enable her to fulfil the potential we knew she had.

Kiora Sat 22-Feb-14 20:41:12

Just an after thought. If I can't be proud of my family then there's nothing down for me. I don't have any achievements and my behaviour is no better than it should be. I certainly don't have any possession I can be proud of. sad

Granny23 Sat 22-Feb-14 20:46:16

What brought that on Absent? Perhaps what we need is another word to describe that overwhelming feeling that you get which is often described as 'my heart swelled with pride'. We all have these moments - when daughter departs from her planned acceptance speech to smile at you and say 'I owe it all to my Mum' or Grandson wins the poetry speaking competition and tells everyone 'My Granny taught me that'. The feeling is more than gladness, has elements of joy, makes you beam from ear to lug, and, if you are given to clichés, has you saying 'I am over the moon', 'I am 'made up'', 'I feel ten feet tall'.

If pride is a sin, can anyone suggest a non-judgemental term that we can safely use to describe that feeling when it wells up inside us? hmm

whitewave Sat 22-Feb-14 20:48:11

Don't care! I am still full of pride so there!

ffinnochio Sat 22-Feb-14 20:51:04

You've just found it with the word joy, Granny23. To be joyful.

annodomini Sat 22-Feb-14 20:51:46

Does it matter what we call the emotion we feel when one of our DC or DGC achieves something? We know what we mean when we call it pride and so does everyone else.

whitewave Sat 22-Feb-14 20:52:53

OK joyful and proud then

Grannyknot Sat 22-Feb-14 20:54:17

I am proud if I say I am.

I felt extremely proud of my clever SIL-to-be today when I saw the handcrafted wedding invitations that he designed, drew, and printed. And I shared in my daughter's pleasure at it all.

janeainsworth Sat 22-Feb-14 21:18:36

I've never understood why people feel proud to be a certain nationality, if it has been an accident of birth. I suppose if you have chosen to adopt another nationality by naturalisation then it might be different.
Being proud of the fact that you have nice hair or a good complexion is just vanity.
I don't think it's wrong to feel proud if you have set yourself a goal and achieved it, or overcome a difficulty, or if your children or grandchildren do the same.
Just as long as you remember that pride comes before a fall. wink

grumppa Sat 22-Feb-14 21:56:54

I am regularly proud of my children's and grandchildren's achievements. Last night I was proud to be half Welsh; this evening I am proud to be half English; I am proud when the local Rugby club for which I used to play does well.

What's the harm in that?

Penstemmon Sat 22-Feb-14 21:57:54

I suppose for me pride in has a hint of smugness and boastfulness about it which is probably why it is a listed sin as they are two not very pleasant attributes!!

However I do know the feelings people mean when someone you care about achieves something, especially against the odds. That was one of the spurs for me as see the kids achieve! I have been known to say when my DGCs have achieved something....hmm

But being 'proud' to be English, Irish, French etc at its extreme can lead to conflict. I love to be in typically English countryside, I love being in London or at an English seaside resort. There is a kind of familiar comfort that I enjoy. I am not sure if that is pride?

Lona Sat 22-Feb-14 22:05:42

I can and will be proud of the fact that I have brought up two children to be decent, honest adults.

janeainsworth Sat 22-Feb-14 22:07:11

I don't think that's pride penstemmon, it's just having a 'grateful heart' and being thankful for what we have.
Regarding pride in achievements, surely there's a balance to be struck, between being smug and self-satisfied, and not allowing yourself any sense of self esteem?
I'm sure we have all come across people with quite a lot to feel 'proud' of, but who for some reason can't see that themselves, and have very low self-esteem, and lack confidence in themselves, which is in turn the cause of a lot of unhappiness.

whitewave Sat 22-Feb-14 22:09:44

OK I am proud,and if you insist joyful, smug and boastful of my children and grandchildren.

ginny Sat 22-Feb-14 22:32:48

Oh yes I can be proud of my family !

Our three daughters have all worked hard for whatever they have achieved. They are honest, caring and hardworking. They have all in various ways had to cope with difficult circumstances. I don't see why we as their parents can't be proud of them for that.

We are also proud of the achievements of our Grandson our wider family and our friends. Having pride in yourself is a good thing and sadly lacking in so many these days. This sort of pride is not the same as beings smug or boastful.

papaoscar Sat 22-Feb-14 22:41:46

Interesting post. Irrational it might be, but I always feel pride, for example, about things like the outcome of the Battle of Britain at which time I was only in nappies. But I suppose, after all, that humans tend to be groupies thus shared rituals, associations and other bonding mechanisms, including elements of pride, are natural and normal, whether relating to friends, family, village, town, nation etc. Perhaps at times such feelings are exaggerated or not even justified, but in the main I think that pride is a a reasonable feature of humanity. On the other hand were, say, the Vikings or Genghis Khan proud of their rapacious conduct, not to mention that of more recent abusers of humanity? Hmm... Perhaps there's good pride and bad pride after all.

Penstemmon Sat 22-Feb-14 22:45:59

We do need a word .. I have spent years getting children to feel pleased about their strengths and achievements and to develop enthusiasm to learn and be successful.

Glad/gladness? Or maybe I will just try and train myself not to think that pride is associated with negative smugness and boastfulness! confused