To move, or not to move?

I agree with Tegan in her comments.Don't think I can add more than is already on this thread, but if it was me [and I was happy with the house I lived in and also the area] then I would not move for this reason.Children do not stay young forever, and they then have their own interests and friends.If she comes for the week-end now and agin , it will be a treat for her, and you have time to get over that [tired -wise] until the next time. Children can be exhausting.We should be allowed time for the things in our lives too.

I'm wondering if you're feeling a bit of responsibility in that you feel the little girl needs more time spent with her [and her wanting to spend more time with you compounds that]. Just remember she is your grandchild not your child and you are not responsible for her happiness. I hope I don't sound hard in saying that but I do a lot of childminding for my grandchildren but it's all a one way thing in that my daughter is always so busy that anything happening in my life is just a nuisance and we did have a small break up a while back when I lost my temper slightly [unusual for me] because I was exhausted. Maybe you could suggest having the little girl to stay with you during holiday times to give her parents a break; that would be lovely for all of you? In my experience [limited as it is] little girls are much easier to look after than boys [till they reach the teen years ].

Sounds like the right decision fairy.
DS mentioned at one time the possibility of buying a house in the general area where they live but we decided to stay where we have lived for the last forty years. Village where DS lives has one small shop and two pubs whereas I live half a mile from a big supermarket and could walk there if driving was not an option. GC are at school and secondary education is now on their minds and a house move closer to a decent school is probably on the cards. If I had moved a few years ago I would be in an unfamiliar area without family within another three years.

Sorry Phoenix to be slow in responding. Frankly I didn't expect such a response, and I greatly appreciate all your comments. We will definitely give it some thought, and certainly do not intend to rush into anything.

I must admit to having suffered a setback in health these past few years, not to mention excruciating back pain ( who doesn't), so have to be careful. My little granddaughter loves to climb on my knee ( I can no longer lift her) so that we can enjoy reading together.

Also, her other grandparents live the same distance away as we do, and if we were to move, it might seem to them as though we're trying to hog the limelight, as it were.

We will bide our time, and discuss such an important decision at length, with the help that you have all given me.

My apologies again for being so slow. I am not used to blogging, but glad I found such a fantastic website. Thank you all, and God bless you.

Ooops sorry Nonnie I think I missed that one

I think my suggestion of a year is preferable because then you take in all the different seasons and all the school holidays

glass excellent idea!

fairy think long and hard, but if you feel it will work how about renting for 6 months to be close to your family before you jump in with both feet, it will give you time to see if you can settle in the area.

But dont under estimate how tiring childcare is with a young child, having DGC visit for the weekend does not bear any relation to providing childcare on a daily basis. Good luck with your decision.

Soutra

Do you have any other children? If you do perhaps you need to think whether you would be moving nearer or further from them.

How long have you lived where you are? If a long time then perhaps you would find it hard to adjust but if you haven't lived there all you life you might find it easy enough to move. We retired a long way from where we were living and found it very easy to make a new life and new friends so don't be put off by thinking you might be lonely.

We would move if we were needed to look after our GCs but that is not the case, maybe in the future.

If your health is good and you are adaptable why not let out your house for a year and rent something near to them to see how it goes?

Maybe in 10 years time you will need some help and you son and family will be there for you if you live near them?

Whatever you decide I wish you well with it.

Sorry gally I wasn't belittling how tiring children can be. When we moved here DH was leaving at 6.30 to drive to London an getting back way after the girls' bedtime. He was ill shortly after and slept most of the weekend to have enough strength for the commute on Monday! I was teaching full time and also had to do the supermarket run/ taking to ballet/ school sporting activities on Saturday morning plus the usual washing and ironing of shirts and school uniform. I was on my knees and ofcorse had marking and lesson prep so I understand but I was a lot younger! One 4 year old who was in nursery or infant school would have seemed like a walk in the park at the time.Sorry I sound grumpy but GPs can't always be called on our parents were both a very long way away and I had no expectations of help you just got on with it.

Give her a break Phoenix - she only posted last night

Will you be leaving behind any contacts or activities that you value?

Bear in mind that GC will grow up and your usefulness in regard to child care will dwindle; and also that family may decide to move on.

fairy, I'm in your position, only I'm single and a bit further away. As I don't drive long distances now, I go by train which takes four hours door to door. Both grand-families live 'down south' while I live in Cheshire. I would love to be closer to them, but know that the need for child-minding is passing as the children get older and here I have my 'base' with friends and activities. In my 70s, would I like to start all over again? I think not. The old adage, 'Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know' holds good for the meantime. How will I feel about all this in my dotage? Who can tell!

Why hasn't she come back to respond to the posts?

From the details you give Fairy I wouldn't move.

One and a half hours away is close enough for you to have your GD say every other weekend. You could do the pick-up and return - this would give the parents a regular break and you'd see GD often.

I think that projecting your imagination 10 years into the future is a good suggestion. Would it be a good idea to be nearer to family? Would you be able to access everything you need without driving, should that day come? Having moved to a small town recently I am amazed just how convenient it is having everything within walking distance. The only thing I would need a taxi or bus for would be the hospital which is only a couple of miles away. It would be easy to have a life here without a car.
Also - i have lived somewhere where the population is quite young and there is nobody around in the day which can be quite lonely if you work from home or are retired.

Soutra I too have a DD and SiL who take turns at the weekend to care for their children because they are so tired. The youngest wakes every night at least 4x and they both work and hold down demanding jobs in order to scrape by. They both leave home very early, he to travel to London, bike/train/bike and she to get the gc's to nursery then on to work, a mile walk. They manage, but only because they share the weekends!
I would love to be able to help if I lived nearer (450 miles away) but making the decision to move is a huge one fraught with all kinds of what-ifs, whys and hows. I wouldn't want to be too involved in child care but it would be lovely to be more part of the family joining in sunday lunches and outings like the other gp's. If I lived only an hour and a half away, I think I would stay put. Trouble is, you don't know how it would be until the die is cast and then what if it's the wrong decision? Having said that, it has worked for Absent and moving half way round the world is a huge decision not to be taken lightly (an option I am struggling with right now, among others )

its your call, only you can decide and then make it work. You are in your 70's so looking after children is hard work, but brings great happiness. Trust your gut reaction it is probably right, and whichever you choose enjoy your family, and do not have any regrets.

It is a question of your skills in building your own life in a new place, a life that is independent of your son and family. The reason that your son is not encouraging your move may be his fear that if you move near him, where you know no-one you may become entirely dependent on him and your grand daughter for your social life and would find it hard to make friends and join social activities in a new area.

If you are the kind of person who dropped into the desert would soon be chatting happily to a group of friends you had never seen before who had appeared from nowhere, then do it. If your the kind who 10 years after the move would still only know the postman, milk man and lady in the corner shop, don't.

read this with interest as I am currently contemplating moving further away from my family - to an area I have always wanted to live in and wonder if I am being unreasonable
currently I live about 35 mins from my son and his family (one grandson and will not have any more) so I am a fairly frequent visitor and help out when I can but do find the 5 year old very tiring.
I live in an old cottage down a bit of a track and winters are becoming unbearable now I am 67 - so my idea was to downsize, free up capital and live within about 5-10 miles of the sea (which is my one great love that I miss in my landlocked area) -probably dorset or devon.
so I could visit them by train (reasonable service) and they could visit me for longer.
BUT - they are against the idea as they will not see me so often
grandson is at school, both parents work, I have no particular friends here as I am of the reclusive self-sufficient nature, do I put my life on hold (who knows how many years I have left) or do I resurrect the 'selfish' idea of doing something for me.
sorry OP - to hijack your thread but having done what you are proposing - do think how you will feel 10 years down the line when you are not needed and maybe living in an area you do not feel comfortable in.

Write a list of what and who you would miss if you moved. Do you have a strong social network that you have built up over the years? If so bear in mind that you would probably find it hard to start again.

I assume the childminder will also have to look after the child in the school holidays which means that you would have to do that if you moved closer. It would tie you down an awful lot.

I know having tinies is tiring but what on earth do they do for a living to be so shattered at the weekend that they take it in turns to look after one 4 year old girl?

If we hadn't moved to be closer to our family, I would have been on my own in York for the last two years. Very handy for friends and family to come and visit me, but not so good on the every day front.