To wish for hospitality to be returned?

Same here mrsmopp. We always try to make an effort, nobody else does.

Well you have obviously got into this rut. Families can be like that. Assumptions get made e.g. "they prefer to stay in a hotel" "they love having visitors" and things get taken for granted. Easier to set ground rules at the beginning than change things.
What do you want - do you want them to still come and visit you? Do you want them to put you up when you visit?
You can either take an indirect approach e.g. "we're in the middle of decorating so its not convenient" - but that tends to be only temporary effect.
or the direct one "we're getting a bit fed up with always being the hosts and never the guests" or " money is tighter these days - I wonder if you could put us up" or "yes you can come and stay but I'd like you to sort out your own meals and bring your own sheets"
The second "assertive" approach is more risky, but more likely to change the goal posts permanently.

When we moved to Switzerland, we made a big joke about everyone welcome on a 1 - 2 - 3 basis. Oh they said, what's this. And we explained, we cook on evening 1, we go out on evening 2 and YOU cook on evening 3, and start again! They all said it was a brilliant idea- and bless them they've all respected that. We do have flexibility in the 'system'- depending on activities and weather- but overall it works so well. When we go out, we go insist on going Dutch- although visitors usually insist on taking us out to a nice place towards the end of the stay.

It's never too late to smile and say- would love you to come, but from now on it's on a 1 - 2 - 3 basis. And we also take it in turn to pick up the tab when we fill up with petrol/Diesel on our trips all over during their stay. Only fair and polite - and of course we do the same when we are invited to stay at friends too.

Do you have pets? Do you need pet-sitters? We go away and let friends stay in our house in return for pet and plant-sitting, it works very well. We may see them for one night or afternoon to hand over, then just leave them to it, and we have stayed in other houses a couple of times. If you gently suggest to some of your visitors that you house-swap, it will be interesting to see their reactions.

I had a similar problem when we lived abroad, friends and family would arrive assuming they were coming to an hotel yet whenever we returned home, not even a dinner invitation. When chatting to neighbours we all said how exhausted we were at the end of the summer due to so many visitors. I even found a couple of visitors checking my calendar looking for available dates to return. I started putting the names of anyone I could think of to fill the calendar so they knew we had other visitors on those dates.

I think you have to be blunt and say, sorry, but we have something on for those dates.

I loved having visitors and made them very welcome but eventually I resented the one sided hospitality and cherry picked who I would prefer to see. Not at all the way I wanted to be either mrsmopp but I eventually saw some visitors as very selfish and entitled so, unfortunately for them, they lost out on a very cheap holiday.

What I do in this situation is ask what dates they are thinking of. When I get them I say Oh No! We are on holiday at that time. Do it a couple of times, they soon take the hint.

It sounds very unfair especially if they do have space to offer you a bed. Could you not plead that you aren't feeling up to accommodating them all but will be happy to spend time with when they are in the area.