Should we ignore....

It was a welcome diversion, glass - thanks for the blanket update!

ana the blanket is coming along slowly but surely pet glad this isnt a big blanket or DGS will be at Uni before its finished
Sorry for deviating from the thread.

By all means point out that someone has posted a remark that you regard as offensive to another poster but it is equally offensive – and contrary to Gransnet guidelines – to imply that the someone in question is a liar.

Some members seem to feel that the 'never apologise, never explain' maxim is best.

How does feeling bad about it help? If you have genuinely hurt someone, then apologise.

Sometimes on here when people do stick up for themselves or point out that they feel hurt by something they're just told to 'harden up' though. And if they feel they're in some sort of minority they tend to keep quiet. If I feel that I've hurt or offended someone I feel bad about it but that's just me being ubersensitive I guess.

Can't people just stick up for themselves? Are we really such shy little "victims"?

Yes, I agree Elegran, which point has been clearly demonstrated on another of today's threads. I do think the OP was referring to posts which are obviously not jocular references, though.

If the person referred to clearly minds, that is one thing. If they clearly take it as a joke, and reply in kind, that is another, and anyone turning it into a cause for an argument is just interfering for their own satisfaction, not to help the "victim".

Among real friends many a jocular reference is neither meant nor taken as a genuine attack. Online and read by those who don't know the individuals concerned, it is not always easy to distinguish one from another, but I would always be wary of demanding an apology for a comment to anyone but myself.

That's fair enough...

Lots of people may have noticed mollie but thought you were trying to keep the mood calm.

I think on that occasion it would have felt good if someone else had just noticed. But I didn't have the energy to fight my own corner at the time hence the one-word comment. it's in the past but relevant here,,,

Perhaps we need an emoticon which says someone has been hurt or upset by a post. It is sometimes difficult with the written word to work out whether the writer was being jocular or unpleasant.

That comment had nothing to do with any recent posts. Just a random remark really.

Sometimes people love to take things personally when they know quite well it isn't meant to be. I wonder what the psychology behind that is?

I read about a spat on Mumsnet at the week-end, a couple of posters were really offensive to the person who started the thread who was merely expressing an opinion, their responses were way over the top and really nasty and very aggressive.

I was offended when a poster called me a bitch in a pm so I said so. I love Gransnet but I do think some of us take ourselves and political correctness a bit too seriously sometimes.

Yes, I see what you mean, mollie. I suppose I was thinking that 'Ouch' might indicate that although you acknowledged the dig, you didn't think it worth commenting further, and everyone would just leave it at that.

Well, perhaps someone (as suggested here) might have pm'd me to ask if I minded and then offered some support? I don't know - isn't this the point of the thread? How do we know if someone has been offended if they don't say? If I got hit with a ball and said 'ouch' I think everyone would know the ball had hurt...

Elegran, What if they make it quite clear that they do mind. Do they not deserve a bit of support?

They may have done, mollie, but what would they say?

I once responded to a scathing (I thought) comment aimed at me with a simple 'ouch!' I didn't want to get caught up in a war of words but I wanted someone to know the comment had felt hurtful. No one noticed.

I agree with merlot's post of 09:16:32.

Surely if someone shows that a post has upset them or that something incorrect has been said then an apology should be made? I do find it hard to understand why people make assumptions about others and when they are told the assumption is completely wrong they fail to apologise. I think we forget we were upset if we get a genuine apology but when we have been slighted and not received an apology we remember for a very long time.

It's easy to find out if someone feels hurt by a post. Just PM them and ask. Also is there a history of bad feeling? When you've been on GN as long as I have many of us have you start to notice things like this.