Gransnet forums


Should we ignore....

(46 Posts)
Aka Tue 18-Mar-14 08:23:52

When a poster makes a disparaging remark about another, is it best to ignore than remark, possibly leaving the victim feeling hurt and isolated and the perpetrator triumphant, or is it better to remark that a post is distasteful and support the innocent party?

The latter reeks to me a bit like those who 'passed by on the other side'. Whereas the former at least offers the opportunity for an apology if the remark was genuinely misinterpreted or for over-aggressive posters to realise how others see their posts. Or of course a break out of hostilities!

Let's keep this clean folks, no names, no use of the b****ing word, no biting scratching or blows below the belt grin

Aka Tue 18-Mar-14 08:25:04

(Slopes off to pick up grandchildren)

Oystercatcher Tue 18-Mar-14 08:34:05

(Throws usual hand grenade and runs!)

DebnCreme Tue 18-Mar-14 08:53:42

Perhaps we should make comment but try not to be nasty in so doing. This is difficult when using the written word rather than talking direct. Hence the use of emoticons to try to put the true feelings across although even these can be misconstrued.

Unfortunately being such different characters we all see things from a different point of view. Quite often I don't even spot the slights and even more often i take offence at a perseved slight when there is nothing intended (as proven by my year away from GN when I went off in a huff - but how you were missed!). Now I am wonderful, never want to hurt and never, ever get angry. hmm grin and obviously a liar!

(Ducks back under the duvet in fear and trepidation) grin

ninathenana Tue 18-Mar-14 08:59:05

Would you make a personal remark to someones face ? Why do some people think it's ok to use the anonymity of forums to do so.
I do however, believe that it's very easy to misinterpret the feeling behind what's written. Also some people have met up and are more than just cyber friends and may be sharing an 'in joke' which others may possibly misinterpret. In which case these should be done through pm's therefore averting bad feeling amongst GN's who feel upset on others behalf.

tanith Tue 18-Mar-14 09:06:11

I don't think it should be ignored but I do think that people should make their point and not get into a tit for tat posting match.. voice your disapproval and then let it lie it otherwise turns into a free for all sometimes.

thatbags Tue 18-Mar-14 09:16:14

Perhaps, when something looks as if it has been ignored, it has not even been noticed. As deb says, people read different things into the same words. In addition, some people are more upsettable than others. That's not a criticism, just an observation. Perhaps I should rephrase it as some people are less upsettable than others.

merlotgran Tue 18-Mar-14 09:16:32

I decided not to pass by on the other side last night and unleashed a torrent of fury.

Some can give it but not take it - even in small doses.

Gransnet is becoming divisive and I don't like gang mentality either. No wonder people leave. sad

DebnCreme Tue 18-Mar-14 09:18:29

I meant 'perhaps we should make comment ....' regarding a poster's disparaging remark. You make some very good points nina particularly in relation to 'in jokes' I hadn't thought of that. (Billy no mates me grin)

KatyK Tue 18-Mar-14 10:25:30

I agree with nina re the written word. I have (and so have other people I know) got totally the wrong end of the stick when receiving texts.

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 18-Mar-14 10:47:26

Do you know, there was a point last evening when I thought about this. Tbh, on the particular thread I was looking at, I would have said nothing.

Sorry merlot. grin

merlotgran Tue 18-Mar-14 10:57:06

That's OK, jingl. I won't be saying any more. I should have known I was on a hiding to nothing.

jinglbellsfrocks Tue 18-Mar-14 11:11:07

Oh come on. It Wasn't that bad. It was a close one really.

Mwah! smile

Ana Tue 18-Mar-14 13:05:50

I do think that when someone makes what they intend to be a light-hearted comment, and the person to whom it's addressed is offended by it for whatever reason, it's surely common courtesy to apologise for any offence caused.

It is not courteous to imply that it's somehow that person's own fault for misunderstanding or misreading the post!

glassortwo Tue 18-Mar-14 13:16:48

I am doing too much knitting and missing lots on GN it seems.

Ana Tue 18-Mar-14 13:20:52

Ain't you finished that blanket yet, glass? grin

Elegran Tue 18-Mar-14 13:31:26

What if the person it may be is addressed to doesn't mind?

Ana Tue 18-Mar-14 13:38:40

In that case, there wouldn't be anything to apologise for confused

Soutra Tue 18-Mar-14 13:39:37

It can be a common defence when feeling picked on to laugh it off pretending people are laughing with you not at you - some very offensive "age-ist" birthday cards out there for instance. Would you send one depicting absent mindedness to a person with early dementia?

petallus Tue 18-Mar-14 13:47:06

Was it a joke about glass's blanket?

I'm knitting a huge one at the moment.

Ana Tue 18-Mar-14 13:56:03

Yes, it was a joke, petallus. There's a photo of a bit of it on one of the threads, and very lovely it looks, but seems rather a complicated pattern!

Aka Tue 18-Mar-14 15:45:26

It's easy to find out if someone feels hurt by a post. Just PM them and ask. Also is there a history of bad feeling? When you've been on GN as long as I have many of us have you start to notice things like this.

Nonnie Tue 18-Mar-14 16:13:33

I agree with merlot's post of 09:16:32.

Surely if someone shows that a post has upset them or that something incorrect has been said then an apology should be made? I do find it hard to understand why people make assumptions about others and when they are told the assumption is completely wrong they fail to apologise. I think we forget we were upset if we get a genuine apology but when we have been slighted and not received an apology we remember for a very long time.

mollie Tue 18-Mar-14 16:32:59

I once responded to a scathing (I thought) comment aimed at me with a simple 'ouch!' I didn't want to get caught up in a war of words but I wanted someone to know the comment had felt hurtful. No one noticed.

Ana Tue 18-Mar-14 16:34:45

They may have done, mollie, but what would they say? confused