Wasted effort

Well, if you lot are confused about 'tea' 'supper' 'dinner' etc- how are we furiners supposed to know what's what ???

I'd been living in England for about 4 years when we moved to East Leics- and after a few weeks I invited the wife of OH's colleague and kids for tea. I made a cake and some biscuits, and served tea and juice - kids were having fun- but they were staying a bit longer than I expected- then the little girl blurted out 'but mummy, when are we going to have teeaaa?'- I loked at the mum and she realised I had not realised what 'tea' meant in the Midlands- she explained and we had a good laugh about it. Put on some fish fingers under the grill and made mash pots and peas- and they were all fed and happy.

MrsMopp When I was little "supper" is the butty or cheese and biscuits. In my home the Evening meal could be called "dinner" or "tea".

Most people do not do "afternoon tea" these days, as in scones, neat sandwiches and fancy tea pots, any more . You just cannot get the staff nowadays.

It's very easy for mixed messages to occur in these situations or for people to get the wrong end of the stick. Many years ago some friends asked us round one evening 'for supper'. Well, me being a Northern girl, supper means a butty at bedtime. Wrong! It was a three course dinner, and we struggled to eat it. Well, you don't feel you can ask exactly what you're getting can you?
What would you think supper meant?

If they knew they were invited for a meal it was extremely rude to have eaten en route and refuse to eat the meal. I can undeerstand how hurtful that would feel.

I would express my upset/disappointment but thoughtfully such as

'Next time I won't count the kids in the meal as it wastes money if they prefer fast food but I would like to prepare sandwiches for you and xx'

..always keep the door open or else you DGD may not call again and that would be worse than an uneaten meal.

I'm not sure, maybe they were thinking you would just give them a sandwich?

Lack of communication I think. I would just be surer of what was expected next time.

Oh how hurtful apricot. I think you were really kind in your restraint. You say your granddaughter rarely visits. I think I d probably tell her sometime how lovely it was to see them and when and if they pop in again on their way somewhere could they get you a burger to. ��

Indeed, Granny23, as a west-Scot, I must agree. Good thing my GGPs managed to escape from Edinburgh to the shores of the Firth of Tay.

So she knew you was cooking a meal and she had food on the way?!
Aswell as PUDDING?!

Very rude.
I would of starved myself for the day and so would my DH

Gally and Bellasnana I feel I must point out that the 'You'll have had yer tea then?' comment is attributed only to Edinburgh people by the rest of us Scots. Round here acceptance of an offer to pop in for a coffee or a cup of tea involves being plied with platefuls of (usually HM) goodies and refusal is not an option.

Gally. I shall have to remember that one!

Apricot
Next time, meet them at the door with the well known Scottish greeting 'You'll have had yer tea then?'
Seriously, I would have blown a gasket - not known for holding back. You must have been so disappointed having gone to so much trouble

biker - Charming!

I wouldn't even mention the word "food" or meal again, very rude and bad manners, I used to go out with a friend for our birthdays, we always went to curry house, this one time we arrived and ordered (we usualy split the bill) we had had starters and she kept saying ohh Im full!! the main came and she ate one piece if chicken and then said,,oh Im sorry but I have a party to go to and there is a buffet!! and proceeded to ask the waiter to put hers in takeway box!!! she is still my friend but we don't do birthday meals anymore!

Jingl - I should have. I am too much of a wimp. I have told her in the past that I don't feel she treats us very well. Nothing has changed. In fact she has accused me of being self-obsessed (pot and kettle springs to mind). I don't want to risk not seeing my grand-daughter. Her friends are more important that her family - I suppose I was the same with my parents.

KatyK I would have done some straight talking there.

You haven't seen my death stare, Ana

Three years ago I had to eat two Christmas dinners. Thankfully they were four hours apart but it took some doing.

Outrageous behaviour. You should have a quiet word with your GD and suggest that an apology is in order.

I would be hurt too apricot.

Good advice here, and yes, I'd have been hurt too.

But I remembered an occasion about fifteen years ago when some Sikh friends of ours invited us for 'a drink and a small bite'. The time was 9.00pm so we assumed they meant what they said and we had our dinner, albeit a small one at 7.00. When we arrived the coffe table was spread with samosas, pakoras and other delights and we really enjoyed them. At 11.30 we got up to leave and Surinder said 'Oh, but we haven't had dinner yet'. And next door in the dining room was the most amazing spread you could imagine. We did our best but failed do do justice to all the effort.

It just goes to show that everyone needs to be very clear about what an invitation means.

Rather rude. I posted something similar last year. My daughter and son in law came here for lunch. It was a lovely day, we went to a lot of trouble, shopping, cooking, setting up all the garden furniture etc. When they arrived, it was obvious that they couldn't get away quick enough. I subsequently found out that after they had accepted our invitation, they had had a 'better offer' from some friends. It's was very hurtful. I haven't asked them since. I think they have a pecking order and we are at the bottom (that's if we are on it at all).

Demanded and got!

That was extremely rude and you were very restrained. I expect the children demanded BigM's en route.

Very rude and hurtful and a bit worrying. Did your granddaughter not feel confident enough to say to her partner to wait as you were preparing a meal?

Hope that being able to tell us all about this and the support have helped ease your upset.

Maybe next time ask them to be clear about whether they wish to eat; talk about what they like, what the children like etc. Focus their minds on it so they cannot possibly forget that you will be cooking for them. Don't give up on it! I a sure it was lovely to see them anyway.

I think you where treated very badly and would have found it hard to be so restrained in what you did say,very rude indeed.