Mother's day acknowledgment!

I am very sad for you and so sorry the situation escalated as it did. I would hope that at his age he will soon start to grow up and realise he's out of order at times.
I'm hoping that he will wake up with a different attitude and some remorse, and perhaps an apology.

It's been hell here earlier due to Mother's Day. I asked my DS if he was nipping into Sainsbury's for a card while he picked up the shelving unit I reserved for him at Argos around 4 am Saturday. He was lying in bed, 10.30 am and said he couldn't be bothered to get up and go. Hence, no card. I wasn't bothered about a gift, but a card would have been lovely. It has been a particularly stressful year and I have done a lot for him even though I have been quite ill so some appreciation wouldn't have gone amiss. He is 18 in May.

Later I was letting the dog out and he was getting cereal. I heard the milk carton drop onto the floor. I pointed to it and told him to pick it up. He said no. I said it again, Again, no. Back and forth until I was shouting and he was answering me back. Unfortunately, and I have never done this before, I swung out at him and slapped him, to which he hit me over the head. About half an hour later he came at me as I was sitting down and struck me with his forearm across the neck. No provocation that time.

The police were called but said that they could arrest both of us, or we could say sorry and agree it wont happen again and they would go. I was flabbergasted. I don't know what I expected but it felt like I was the one being told off and he got away with it. I know I was wrong to slap him but I have tried every other form of discipline and punishment and he is 6 ft 2 in and a strong lad. But I wasn't being arrested. I've had palpitations all day and I felt awful so that wasn't an option. I had to agree to the latter.

My brother came and tried to talk to me but I was very worked up and he has a different point of view as he had only ever been a part time dad to his two, seeing them an hour here and there. I have done full time for the last 14 years on my own and much on my own even in my marriage. He did get it to some conclusion that my son is getting old enough to be standing on his own two feet and so to sort out some other place to live. My DS said that he will be able to sort it with one of his tutors at college on Monday, to leave in about a month, although to wait until May when he has turned 18 will be easier for him although he will still be at college until next year.

I don't know what to think as I sit here. I did not want him to leave home like this at all. I wanted him to stay, I have just done all his bedroom in our new house and wanted it comfortable for him to be here but I will not stand to be abused in my own home or anywhere come to that.

He only got me a card last year for my 50th birthday, no present and just about managed to press a button at Christmas on the Amazon site for my present, not card then so I don't think I was being unreasonable to expect a card for Mother's Day after I still got him Christmas presents, still put all the Christmas trimmings on, sorted out getting this house nearer his college and friends, was looking yesterday at Universities with him and talking it all through. Am I being unreasonable to expect a card, even a made one, for some sort of acknowledgement of what I do?

KatyK and Broomsticks

Yummygran it's a problem with loving people. It's easy to for us to get hurt by them.

Yummy That's the problem, we start to think we've done something wrong when they are thoughtless. My DD bought me lovely (quite expensive) gifts which I really appreciated. It sounds very ungrateful but if she'd said 'mum would you like to come round for a chat' (which hasn't happened for years) I would have been far happier.

Same here janerowena, and that is precisely why I felt upset....because usually I get lots of thankyou notes etc., so the fact that I hadn't even had a text made me feel that I must have done something wrong or upset by son's partner in some way.

I've said it all before but I constantly tread on eggshells because she often takes things the wrong way or is annoyed when I do things for or see my other son's partner....but that's another long story which I won't bore you with. It has been covered in other threads long ago

It must have been different in the West of Scotland, mcem. Mind you, I opted out of Sunday school at an early age - thought it was boring! Even my English (and Episcopalian) granny never mentioned Mothering Sunday.

Anno my C of S sunday school did celebrate Mothering Sunday as did my DS and DDs a generation later. I made it very clear to my 3 that they were NOT to buy cards or over-priced flowers but I was always happy to have their own hand-made gifts. We've stuck to that -especially as my birthday falls just 2 weeks before and that's always lovely. Texts and a call on sunday were plenty.
I spent Friday morning helping GCs to make eggbox daffodils and painting cards for mummy but we did not buy gifts.

Only if you live in Winchester! It was a really big thing when I lived there.

I'm torn. Lovely gifts from DD and GCs, nothing from forgetful DS and I didn't expect him to have remembered. Just before we went out for the day, I rang him (which woke him up at 11.30am!) and announced myself with 'Happy Mother's day! Now it's your turn, but you have to sing it as a penance for having forgotten to send me a card!'.

Which he did, still half asleep.

I did it because I found that on that day, that I had been trying to convince myself that I didn't care about, I really just wanted some contact.

I don't know about you, Soutra, but when I was a child in Scotland, Mothers' Day was unheard of, probably because Mothering Sunday was not a tradition in the Church of Scotland. Over the years it has grown and grown into something of a monster, one of the punctuation marks of the year, like Valentine's Day and the entirely manufactured Fathers' Day. What next? Should we start to propitiate St Swithin in July?

Hasn't it all got a bit out of proportion with expensive presents etc? Time was a card ( home made if from a child) and a wee bunch of flowers gladdened our hearts. I went to have lunch with DD3 and stopped at a well know supermarket for some tulips ( 2 bunches for a fiver ) and was somewhat gobsmacked at how all the bouquets seemed to have more than doubled in price . Pity the poor kid buying with their own pocket money!

I agree with all the thoughts above, I know it's become a huge industry and very commercialised.....but a quick 'have a nice day - hope you had a nice day' call would have made all the difference. I am perhaps being too sensitive, and I guess he loves me deep down Pentsemmon, but just once in a while it would be nice to be told that. I have one son who tells me every time we speak on the phone or I see him, with hugs and kisses (even though he is a big roughy toughy firefighter) and the other son, (who used to be called the Mummy's boy) who rarely shows affection unless he's cornered .

And yes I know we're all different, I just wanted to know your thoughts on if I should mention anything to him or forget about it

Following on from previous poster:

DS1 - lovely basket of flowers and message. Phone call

DS2 - Nothing as yet (I was away for Mothering Sunday) probably won't get a thing though as par for the course.

DS3 - lovely card and a beautiful wildlife gardening journal, Text and phone call.

DD1 - Text and message that she will be round bearing card and gift when I return.

DD2 - two lovely bunches of tulips, card to follow as away.

They are all different and I feel for DS2 as his wife lost her mother when only 17 and this is very hard for her especially as she has not long become a mother herself (her mum was my best friend) He tries so hard make her feel special at these times.

I can understand your disappointment . I know your son loves you but sometimes it is nice to be remembered. In previous years DD has cooked for us all on Mother's Day but I feel guilty as it is her day as well so this year we went out . for you Yummygran

Things have been known to go missing in the post, of course... for you yummygran.

I think I meant DIL but you know what I meant!

My DS never knows what day it is even getting his act together to send a few Christmas cards was often beyond him. He seldom remembered my birthday let alone Mother's Day. But I know it's just his chaotic memory and he loves me really and would be here in a shot if we need help.

This has now changed now that he has a wife. For the first time ever I got a birthday present and card brought over on my birthday, Christmas card arrived on time, my DH got a carefully chosen Moonpig card and t-shirt. And I got a Mother's Day card!

Don't worry about it Yummygran, life with a young family can be quite chaotic, it probably just slipped his mind.

Like I say, it's what they write inside. And how many kisses.

Kids could just send a card out of duty, with a style or phrase etc that they know will please ..just to keep mum off their back.. and not really think about it!

You should not need a card to prove they love you!

Nonu!

As the song goes "All we need is love"

OR

As DD & SIL said on a plaque they gave us for our 43rd anniversary
"Love is all you need!!

many a truth !!

love to you all , Nonu.

xx

It's not just a commercial activity! It's lovely - with the accent on love.

Ok! FDT emoticon. But still.

I have three children.

DD1 - nothing.
DD2 - a card, collected me, took me to theirs for a meal, brought me home.
DS - a phone call late in the evening, cut short because his throat was too sore to talk.

I have not taken out of this that DD1 loves me any less than DD2 or DS, only that she ^ never^ sends cards for any occasion, Christmas, birthday, anything, and hardly ever phones me spontaneously, but she can and does talk for an hour on the phone when I ring her, and she can and does say each time that she will ring me next time.

golden ^YOU got a card and a text later on .
What some posters are saying is that they got Nothing and there lies the difference !
Anyway surely Mothers day and Christmas are traditional we have come to expect cards or something at least !
That is my take on it , righly or wrongly , Heyho !

I have to admit to being surprised that people are getting steamed up about what has turned into a commercial activity. Surely the important issue is how our children treat us the rest of the year. My DS kindly gave me a card and some flowers and DD texted me late evening hoping I'd had nice nice day. I know that we all care for each other in different ways the rest of the year and whilst it is nice to get a card it doesn't mean our children are uncaring if they don't choose to follow the crowd