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Mother's day acknowledgment!

(120 Posts)
Yummygran Wed 02-Apr-14 12:34:23

I don't know whether I should ignore the fact that I didn't have a card or in fact any acknowledgement for Mother's Day from my son. He has children himself so I know that he would have bought cards/gifts from his daughters for their mother, and so hadn't forgotten what day it was but until I sent him a text on Sunday about something unrelated to the day, he hadn't even been touch and then simply text back 'Happy Mother's Day'.

I didn't want an expensive gift or lots of fuss, but a simple card would have meant everything to me.

I don't know whether to say anything to him or not! But I feel so hurt.

Aka Wed 02-Apr-14 12:59:50

Of course you feel hurt yummy flowers

Only you know your son well enough to know if it's best to say something or not. Or perhaps mention it to DiL if you're on good terms?

Greenfinch Wed 02-Apr-14 12:59:56

If you don't say anything it will eat away at you and make you feel worse.
Could you say it in a light-hearted or jokey sort of way but still get your feelings across?

henetha Wed 02-Apr-14 13:06:11

You are not being unreasonable. He's being thoughtless.
As for mentioning it, yes, maybe, if you can do it lightheartedly without making matters worse. Only you can know how to handle him.
I made a lot of fuss, on a thread here on Gransnet, as one of my sons had informed me after Christmas that he would never be sending cards again of any sort at all. I was deeply hurt!
Anyway, I did in fact receive a beautiful card from him, unexpectly!
And flowers etc...
He said he has re-thought it and will send personal cards from now on,
but not to all and sundry at Christmas.
So I am a happy bunny now.
I do wish you all this best in this and completely understand how you feel.
Good luck Yummygran. smile

KatyK Wed 02-Apr-14 13:09:03

Its very thoughtless. You would think his partner would have reminded him. I asked my daughter once if she thought i had stopped being a mum when i became a nan. Thats how it feels at times.

Penstemmon Wed 02-Apr-14 13:27:05

I wonder if there was a card but that it is sitting on the side at his house, bought with the intention of sending it and then the realisation it had not been posted? I do that a lot!!
On the other hand maybe his wife is trying to make him responsible and did not get one on his behalf for you. I know my DD doesn't buy cards for her MiL saying that her DH should do it himself. My MiL would not have got anything from my DH if i had done that!!

I am sorry you did not get a card yummygran I would be disappointed to if my kids did not live nearby. I would say, as light-heartedly as possible, that now the flowers are back to normal price you'd be happy to receive some!

janerowena Wed 02-Apr-14 13:37:29

Has he sent cards and gifts before?

Is it a real change from routine?

If you have received cards in the past, did you acknowledge them?

In my own family with several sisters, one has gone on strike from always having to remember her OH's mother and buy cards and gifts for her. So the poor woman received nothing, but wondered what on earth she had done wrong. She just had a very forgetful son who forgot hois wife's birthday once too often, and hoped that her MiL would also give her son an earful for lack of Mother's Day gifts!

Yummygran Wed 02-Apr-14 13:56:56

My young son's partner is very thoughtful when it comes to cards usually, I do a lot for their children and always get thank you cards written by her from the children, so it is unusual.

In previous threads I have mentioned that my two sons don't speak after a fall out regarding this DiL and as I spent time with my other son and his family at the weekend I have wondered if that might be something to do with it. Both sons think I do more for the other, which most definately isn't the case, but nevertheless it creates difficulties at times like this, as I can't see both families together. Family celebrations are always fraught. I was asked by my elder son to go out with his family so I accepted.

I have to tread very carefully with the partner of my younger son, always walking on eggshells in case she takes things the wrong way, but I don't think anything has been said that she might be offended about recently. In fact everything was fine the last time I saw them (I had had my GD to stay for the weekend and they came to collect her).

I will choose very carefully the time to say something to my son, I won't ring him up and make a fuss, maybe wait until he rings me or when I see him, but that won't be for some weeks.

I hope I'm just over reacting and being too sensitive!

janerowena Wed 02-Apr-14 14:01:48

Oh heavens. One of my sisters isn't speaking to me much because I refuse to sever all connections with another sister, so I understand how awful that is.

In that case, leave him alone. He needs to grow up. He has become one of those men who go round measuring the desks in the office to make sure that no-one else's is larger. It's emotional blackmail, isn't it. He wants you to make a fuss over him.

Mishap Wed 02-Apr-14 14:21:19

Sorry you are feeling put out "yummygran" - sons can be a bit hopeless about these things I am afraid.

Aka Wed 02-Apr-14 14:30:25

Ain't that the truth mishap !

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 02-Apr-14 14:38:11

I would definitely point out to him that a card would have been nice.

I don't understand how grownup kids turn out like this.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 02-Apr-14 14:41:18

Ah! Wait a minute! You're the mum who only arrived home at midday on Mothers' Day. (After being "away") I wonder if you have put enough into these occasions yourself in the past.

Yummygran Wed 02-Apr-14 15:40:45

This is the first time I have not been at home and available all day on Mother's Day in the 32 years I have been a mother Jingle. If I'd been asked out/invited to spend time with my younger son I wouldn't have accepted an invitation from a friend for their birthday on Saturday and stayed over because it was 100 miles away.

All I wanted was a card.... nothing more than that. My elder son valetted my car as a choice. I don't want a huge fuss and over the top signs of affection....just a card.

Yummygran Wed 02-Apr-14 15:45:47

Mishap you're right, sons can be hopeless when it comes to things like this I know. I do a lot for their little girls, sewing, making costumes, knitting, having the GDs (ages 4 and 7mths) overnight, and I'm usually sent thank you texts/notes, so it just seemed a little odd.

tiggypiro Wed 02-Apr-14 15:53:50

Sorry but I just can't see what the fuss is all about. In my opinion it is a piece of paper making profits for the card companies. IF my kids remember (unlikely) then it is fine, if they don't then that is fine too. Life is far to short to get worked up about it. I don't count love and affection by the number of cards on the sideboard.

Ana Wed 02-Apr-14 15:56:46

Pretty hard for kids not to remember when it's advertised all over the place on the run-up! A quick phone call would have been a nice gesture, in the absence of a card.

Soutra Wed 02-Apr-14 16:36:14

It is a fact universally accepted that when a man marries he need never purchase, write or send another greetings card for the rest of his life.

Sorry you were so disappointed Yummy - but that's (some) boys. You could have a word with your SIL who will give him a dressing down (as he deserves) or you could tell him yourself and see the look of blank incomprehension on his face . Alternatively you might get a card next year and suspect that he has felt bullied into it.
Relax - he loves you!

harrigran Wed 02-Apr-14 17:07:03

Yes you could have it out with him and risk causing a family upset. If I get a card and a gift I thank them profusely but if I didn't I would just let it go, could be they are a little short of money.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 02-Apr-14 17:36:26

It's all to do with the choice of card. And what they write inside.

goldengirl Wed 02-Apr-14 18:42:07

I have to admit to being surprised that people are getting steamed up about what has turned into a commercial activity. Surely the important issue is how our children treat us the rest of the year. My DS kindly gave me a card and some flowers and DD texted me late evening hoping I'd had nice nice day. I know that we all care for each other in different ways the rest of the year and whilst it is nice to get a card it doesn't mean our children are uncaring if they don't choose to follow the crowd

Nonu Wed 02-Apr-14 19:08:16

golden ^YOU got a card and a text later on .
What some posters are saying is that they got Nothing and there lies the difference !
Anyway surely Mothers day and Christmas are traditional we have come to expect cards or something at least !
That is my take on it , righly or wrongly , Heyho !

Elegran Wed 02-Apr-14 19:57:47

I have three children.

DD1 - nothing.
DD2 - a card, collected me, took me to theirs for a meal, brought me home.
DS - a phone call late in the evening, cut short because his throat was too sore to talk.

I have not taken out of this that DD1 loves me any less than DD2 or DS, only that she ^ never^ sends cards for any occasion, Christmas, birthday, anything, and hardly ever phones me spontaneously, but she can and does talk for an hour on the phone when I ring her, and she can and does say each time that she will ring me next time.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 02-Apr-14 20:46:33

It's not just a commercial activity! It's lovely - with the accent on love.

Ok! FDT emoticon. But still.

Nonu Wed 02-Apr-14 21:07:54

As the song goes "All we need is love"


As DD & SIL said on a plaque they gave us for our 43rd anniversary
"Love is all you need!!

many a truth !!

love to you all , Nonu.