why do women dither?

I have become much more dithery as I've got older. Hands up, I'm late for things because I've dithered even though I know it's making me late. I feel it's to do with my age (58) and the 'change'. although having had children I do think that alone scrambles your brain! I can see that I'm coming to the front of a queue and yet can't make myself decide if I really want what's in my hand! it's awful! I think I panic more to in shops which is not good. Both my parents have developed Alzheimer's and my husband and I are trying to keep them living at home together. It's taken over our lives somewhat. In the forum with Phyllida Law on Gransnet I told her about this and she said I deserve a medal and I think I/we deserve medals too so dithering is permitted. It's allowed!

HappyNan my heart sinks when I drive into an empty car park. Where to go ??? Of course this probably explains why, when you park in the middle of a huge empty space, someone will always park right next to you!

I dither in car parks - the more empty spaces there are the worse I am

My mum can be like that but to the point of when she has parked and is then walking towards the store, if she sees an empty space that is closer, she'll go back and get the car and move it to the nearer, empty spot

Happynan I do that and so does my friend! Why? If it's empty it takes me ages to decide where to park!

I dither in car parks - the more empty spaces there are the worse I am. Much better when there is only one or two spaces so I go for the nearest one, grateful to have a space. Is there anybody else who does this? I even manage to irritate myself!!

I think everyone can be a ditherer depending n the day their having,how they they are feeling and any number of things that can being ticking away in our brains. I'm the worlds worst when I'm supermarket shopping when I'm tired after a shift at work,my brain just seems to go blank even tho I've got a list in my hand . I think the ditherer that gets me is the bus traveller ditherer, they can be standing at the bus stop for a while but are still unprepared when they board the bus and then they want to get rid of their 'spare change'!

Supermarket queues indeed are an opportunity to practice calm and tolerance. In our local Waitrose the basket only tills are also the lottery tills... and if you add in someone who is buying 3 items for herself and 4 for neighbour, and cigarettes... But I like the fact that the staff will chat and be patient with older customers. Often offering a choice of languages as well.

Most of the people in National Trust queues tend to be women, which is why they are more noticeable, I find.

I'm off to bed. Now, shall I make a drink or not, if I drink it in bed I will have to get out to clean my teeth again. Or I could drink it downstairs then go to bed, or not have one at all,

decision made. No drink. Or perhaps ...., no, I will have to get up in the night to go to the loo.
Decision made!

I am very decisive. Once I've decided.

DH is a ditherer over decisions such as a new laptop. Spends hours on Which website, goes to have a look in the shop, comes home thinks about it for a few years until there is a new Which report then starts all over again!

Saves a lot of money that way!

I worked in an exceptionally busy M&S coffee shop. It was not unusual for people to be queuing for 15 minutes or more at peak times. Why then did they arrive at the service counter and say "Right, what does everyone want? What will Aunty have? Does anyone want cake as well as a sandwich - or shall we have something cooked?" Why couldn't they sort it all out while they were waiting????

Swapsies, Grannyknot?
But then your DH and I may not agree and start arguing and never sit down. At least DH eventually complies, grumping and muttering loudly for a very long time. Then falls asleep (on the beach, not in the cafe).

That should be "in the cafe" not "in the face"! Must be a Freudian slip LOL.

rose you and my husband can go off looking for a perfect place on the beach and I'll sit "anywhere" with yours In the face he says to me "I'll order, you get a table". I select any table. He approaches looking slightly pained. And then he proceeds to select ad reject until he finds the "perfect table". Depending on what mood I'm in, I say "I'm not moving!"

I did smile in a bus sitting just behind the driver, when a woman came charging across the road, stopping the bus from pulling off with her hand in the air, elbows akimbo and coat tails flapping. A sight to behold. The bus driver muttered to himself "And these are the ones who can neevvver find their tickets!"

I think a lot of the time it has to do with being organised.

DH always gets annoyed when we go to the beach. He will sit anywhere, whereas I have to choose carefully - is there anywhere to put things, is it too near other people, can we see the DC (now DGC), can we move please as it's a bit nicer over there, oh no, it's a bit stony here, over there is perfect ....

Well, he should just pick a better spot in the first place.

My other half is a ditherer. If I ask a question he looks at me and there is a long pause while he dithers. I either say FGS it's not a trick question or else I walk off. The dithering has definitely got worse with age.

I do not think that dithering is a particularly female attribute - or an age one. Some people dither and others don't.

I walked into a furniture shop and bought lounge furniture for two rooms in five minutes. It was a filthy night and I wanted to get home, DH was flabbergasted when I said " I'll have those two sofas and all of those chairs in blah, blah fabric " On the other hand I have a relative that drives me crazy in restaurants, he will ask the waiter what he suggests, just order what you fancy FGS I want to shout. The waiter might live on junk food or be a vegan.

OH. He's dreadful. He tries to hurry us up to choose in a restaurant, my son and I give our orders - then he says 'Now, what do I want?'. I could kill him.

I too can buy something in 5 minutes flat - he hauls me around half a dozen shops and then we go back to the first, or more often, he says he will leave it. Even if it's important. So we get home and I order it online.

But he loves shopping. He really does, and I hate it. So he does most supermarket shops by himself now, because he takes so long. I can leave him choosing a bottle of wine and come back half an hour later with a full trolley, and he will only be halfway down the aisle.

rockgran.
My youngest daughter can make instant decisions about significant stuff, but ask her to choose a meal in a restaurant and she has been known to dither between several possibilities, finally choose, and regularly wishes she'd chosen whatever his sister did.
Supermarket check outs can be irritating places, but are also good places to practice not getting wound up by stuff that doesn't really matter that much. Having said that - I have to work hard on staying calm and positive in the face of Morrisons self checkout tills, which seem to have panic attacks much more often than any machine should!

I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure!

The verb "to dither" can be conjugated as follows:
I carefully consider all the options before making a wise choice
You can be a little indecisive at times
He/she dithers

One of my DDs is notorious for not being able to make up her mind - it is a family joke. When they are all together, as they were this weekend, getting anyone to decide what they wish to do/where they want to go is tortuous and barely watchable!

I'm definitely not a ditherer, but occasionally will see something in a shop and then go away to take the time to decide if I really want/need it - usually I decide the answer is no.

Dithering for me depends on: who I'm with and how comfortable I am with my surroundings. So, no problems with DGC in the local abbey ruins but major dithering when faced with catching a 'bus when I'm away from home.