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dad in home :(

(8 Posts)
rodmommy Thu 01-May-14 20:55:54

Around 18 months ago dad fell done the stairs and broke his back, when he finally came out of hospital he could walk but ss put a care package together. The carers didn't seem to care or complete their task leaving mum struggling to cope with caring for him, he went down hill while under there care and ended back in hospital. Then the decision was taken by ss to place him in a home. He has improved ten fold and over the last few weeks we have been trying to get him home, Mum passed yesterday and today my dil asked to see his careplan to which she was told no as he was placed there by ss and that he is social funded (300 a month rest paid by his savings) and to take him home would be ss decision.

so could anyone tell me if they have managed to get a relative out of a home, We want him around family he and mum were married 76 years and she would spend all day every day with him in the home so he needs to know he has the love from us not just at visiting times. TIA

tiggypiro Thu 01-May-14 21:15:11

Why can you not see the care plan ? My mum is in a home and fully funded by ss and we have a copy of her care plan and are informed when changes are made.
It would now be impossible to take her out of the home but last year we thought we were going to have to 'kidnap' her in order to take her out for her 100th birthday party from a cottage hospital where she was recuperating after an op. She was discharged in time !
I do hope you manage to resolve things to your satisfaction but I think you will have to jump up and down and make your selves a nuisance and do not take 'NO' for an answer. My only rider to that is please make sure a good care package is put in place and that your mum will be able to cope with what will be probably extra work.

Flowerofthewest Thu 01-May-14 22:13:39

I am sure that the care plan can be viewed by the nearest relative. My friend's mother is in a care home and the visiting is unlimited. If he is living with a responsible adult with a care package in place then surely he could come home to you or another relative.

Agree, never take NO for an answer. They are not God although SW sometimes think they are (some not all)

Did I understand that your mum passed away yesterday? if so I send my condolences. I hope all works out for you and that other GNetters may have more helpful advice.

merlotgran Thu 01-May-14 22:34:27

You say your father improved ten fold in his care home so I would take things slowly because any sudden changes might have a negative effect on his health. Do you, or any other relative, have lasting Power of Attorney? If you do you have every right to see the care plan.

Do make sure that getting your father home is right for all of you. You have your mother's sad death to deal with so if your father is in good hands don't be afraid to take your time. flowers

Aka Thu 01-May-14 23:13:26

Yes, I managed to get a relative out of a home, but only because I was named as her Power of Attorney for Health & Welfare.

This is why it is vital for people to draw up Lasting Powers of Attorney, while they still have capacity. If your father is mentally competent then he should draw up both of these ASAP naming you.

There are 2 types of lasting power of attorney:

health and welfare
property and financial affairs

You can choose to make 1 type or both. The second is the important one in this instance,

Mishap Fri 02-May-14 09:38:59

I am sorry to hear that your Mum has died. Please accept my

The decision to move your dad from a care home needs to be thought-through thoroughly and discussed in detail with SSD. I am not entirely clear why you wish to bring him out of the home - is this to relative's house or to the home he previously shared with your Mum? Would he be living on his own? The home care package was not successful even with your mother in the house, so that needs to be borne in mind. Are you hoping that if he is at home family will find it easier to visit and support him?

Given that he has improved so much in the home, a decision to move him would need to be thought through in detail.

Just because the SSD are subsidising his care does not mean they can dictate where he should be - he is making a contribution from his savings so they cannot even direct him to a care home that accepts the lower rate of fee that SSD are able to pay. Unless he has dementia, he has a right to make his own choices, and if he wishes to return to his own home with a subsidised package of care, the choice is his - BUT, as I have said above, if he is settled and doing well where he is, then everyone would need to be very sure indeed that a return home is in his best interests.

I think it is important that he is given time to get over his wife's death before making any major decisions - if he returned home and wasn't happy, his place in the home would have been taken up by someone else and he would have to get used to somewhere else. It sounds like a lot of upheaval for an elderly bereaved man.

Are you sure that returning home would be the best option for him? What are the reasons for this? SSD are always willing to revisit a care plan if asked to or if circumstances change. It happens all the time.

I can understand that his care package would not be shown to a DIL - that is entirely reasonable. I am sure that if the closest blood relative requested to see it in the presence of (and with the permission of) your Dad there would be no problems. Unless someone is known not to have mental capacity, then they are treated exactly as you or I and can choose with whom they share this sort of information.

Above all else there needs to be a proper measured assessment of his needs and there is no reason to suppose that SSD would be difficult or obstructive about this. But, if they are going to subsidise a package of care at home, they will want to feel very sure that it has all been fully thought through and that it truly is in his best interests.

My advice would be to chat to SSD and to take your time in making a proper decision (with his input) as to what might be best. Please also remember that families' lives get very busy and the good intention of being around at home with him might be more difficult to fulfill than expected. At least in the home, he will be surrounded by familiar people and a familiar routine that gives him security and safety.

Please do no regard SSD as the enemy - they are there to help. They will wish to do the best for him within their budget constraints.

FlicketyB Fri 02-May-14 11:17:48

Speak to your local CAB (Citizen's Advice Service). They will be able to tell you exactly what your rights are in relation to your father's stay in a care home and whether you are entitled to see the care plan.

Elegran Fri 02-May-14 11:53:09

Don't feel that there is needs to be a rush to get him home instantly, rodmommy I am sure he will miss his wife being there so often, but making changes without careful thought would not be a good idea. Just keep visiting him as often as you can while you plan his future with him.

Are you quite sure that having him at home is the best thing for him? You say he has improved so much since he has been there. If he is at home, he will have the same carers that he had before, or else someone in the family will have to do all that they do, and more. It is a full-time job looking after someone who is incapacitated.

You don't say whether he is bedboind. If he is, then there is a LOT of work, some of it very physical. Even if he is up and about, he will need care and attention 24 hours a day, which he will be getting in the care home. Can you really provide that and go to work, have a social life yourself, get rest, without endangering your own health?

Consult the social work department, his GP, talk to others in the same position. There is such a demand for care home places that they may be helpful if it can be done practically. Only go ahead with this when you have considered all aspects.