how do I handle this please?

Good advice janeainsworth you are right it is how you react that matters. I don't do Facebook (I was tempted at one point but decided against it) and quite often get to find things out after everyone and their dog know about it. It doesn't worry me in the slightest because I know that if something was important I would be told personally anyway. I still say that lucyinthesky's daughter didn't see the "glasses" as being anything to make a fuss about. That's my take on it anyway.

It's also free to use fb messaging and many phone packages have free texts, whereas using a landline can be more costly.
My family use the cheapest option first.

Just a thought.

Thanks KatyK

You are fortunate janerowena that your daughter communicates with you every day. If this was the reality with DD1 I wouldn't be having this rant as the knowledge about DGSs glasses would have been imparted! Of course you are right about the feelings of being far away.

I'm not on facebook or twitter from choice, but do text and email DC. They seldom 'phone and if they do it's on their mobiles. DD criticises me for not having my mobile always turned on but as I tell her, if I'm at home, as I usually am, I use the landline. They don't - DS never uses his landline! We just have to go with the flow I think and be grateful for any time or communications they give us!

(It's funny how often communications result in requests for childcare though!)

I wouldn't expect to know that my GCs are now wearing glasses. I don't feel I have to know everything. My daughter and I also communicate on fb every day and have a long telephone conversation every week, but I don't expect her to remember to tell me everything. Nor do I feel I have to tell my own mother and mother in law everything. I think I would have to write a list if I were to do that. Yet I don't feel any less close to my daughter for living further away. I hope you find that these feelings pass, because I think that it maybe that you are torn about having moved so far away, thereby missing out on their stages of development. I get the odd twinge, but I wouldn't want to lose the life I have here in order to live nearer to them.

I can send my daughter a text and not get a reply for a week! But I know she would let me know (as she often does) if there is anything of importance to impart. However, she occasionally fails to let me know of some upcoming event and tells me off for not knowing about it!

Mishap your post is very wise

Thanks Mishap

There is some good advice here. Like I said I made the mistake of asking my DD why she didn't tell me stuff any more. Unfortunately she saw it as criticism and things have never been the same. I would tread very carefully, as I'm sure you will. I agree with you lucy that they should tell the parents first but that's not how they see it. It's not the fact that he wears glasses, but the fact that he is your grandchild and you should have been told. It's hurtful. I hope you sort it out.

I am aware that my DDs chat about things amongst themselves and their friends, to do with themselves and the GC; and that I am not always the first to know things. I don't have a problem with that - seems fine to me. They do not always consult me about the children - my advice will be dated anyway! I know it is based on experience but they may want to talk to their peers about something.

I have just found out something from one DD about another - I am not put out that she chose to talk to her sister first. It is her right. She will talk to me about it in her own good time, and meantime I will respect her privacy.

The saying "least said soonest mended" is a wise one - but in this instance I wonder if there is anything to mend really. A light-hearted comment about getting a toddler to wear glasses (even though you did not know he was wearing them) is not a good ground for causing a potential family rift. If you say something to her, she will always be thinking "Should I have told Mum about this first in order not to offend her?" - that will sour relationships and be a pain on both sides.

Email her and say that you have seen the facebook entry and say how much you would love to have a photo of him in them.

Have another glass of wine!!

Yes, lucy, I think casually mentioning it when a little time has passed, may be the best way for you.

Thanks janeainsworth I know that it is 'my choice' whether to make myself miserable or not.

I do not intend to do so (which is why a rant on gransnet helps) but I also feel that it does no harm to once in awhile let (adult) kids know that to be unfeeling or just not think, however busy they are (and we have all been there with busy lives) that it will do no harm.

There are ways of addressing this without causing a rift and that is probably what I will do when I see her next week.

Lucy a piece of advice I always try to bear in mind is that it's not the things that happen to you, but how you react to them that matters.
You can brush things off or you can take them to heart and really make yourself (and others in the process),really miserable.
Your choice.

Thanks everyone for your comments have some as I am in France.
Still haven't decided whether to say anything or not. Will sleep on it.

Mishap I have very little choice in the matter of where I live. My DP is French and his home is in Paris which is why I spend a lot of time there. If I didn't have him in my life I would and up being a very 'needy' divorced Mum, I suspect!

gillybob janeainsworth It isn't the fact that DGS has to wear glasses at all. It is the fact that DD1 tells the whole wide world first. If I didn't try to keep up good communications this wouldn't bother me at all.

It was hurtful to see that she posted 'Trying to get your toddler to wear his glasses is challenging!' esp if she'd let me know I could have told her the solution.

I am an avid Facebook user myself (and Twitter to a much lesser extent) which I use partly to keep up with friends all over the world as well as knowing that these are the modern forms of communication for my daughters' generation. However I still don't understand why they think that posting something personal on FB prior to telling close family and friends, is the right thing to do.

Interestingly DD1 and DD2 fell out massively at Christmas (I may have posted about it) over DD2 tweeting what a rotten Xmas Day she was having and how her sister was an awful hostess, to all her friends, forgetting that DD1 was one of her followers and would read the tweets! Even though DD2 apologised for the tweets they haven't spoken since. Needless to say I feel in a lesser way as DD1 did then!

Thanks glammanana yes rant helped but still feel sore even after DP (who was equally shocked when I told him) took me out for a lovely lunch!

kitty that's how I treat the communication too, I never expect phone calls but emails and FB are fine as long as it's a 2 way street!

Yes KatyK I wouldn't have dreamt of telling anyone other than my parents first anything to do with their grandchildren, good or bad. I do feel like just pointing out that she felt awful to read her DS tweets at Xmas and it is not so different. But of course I don't want to cause a rift.

Nice one jingle glad you didn't buy it tho

You're right Lona they don't think. and I just need to 'get over it'. Grr

Merlot I wouldn't be without FB for all the other contacts I use it for and I agree with akabecause it is the only way I find out anything about DD1 and she prefers to direct message on it too. DD2 isn't on FB but we email and text instead.

DD1 is terrible at keeping in touch - I usually ring her every two or three weeks for a chat - and my main reason for using FB is to find out what she's doing. Frequently I learn of things my DGD's have been up to - including the results of eye tests - at the same time as her other 200 odd friends. I don't take umbrage. Why should I? Two young children and both she and SiL have demanding jobs. She's a busy person.

Its one of the things I had to get used to when my son moved abroad , found the love of his life and started a family , I was used to my grandchildren being round the corner and knowing every little thing that happened in their lives. Thanks to FB I am part of this new family's life and they post often about this new little chap things that I wouldn't otherwise know about. My son has never been good at keeping in touch so I am thankful this allows him to show off to his family without me having to constantly ring him for news which I know would bother him. I just accept now that its just his way.

So don't let it bother you if you find out stuff from FB I'm sure your DD doesn't leave you out she probably thinks she already told you..

I don't put much on Facebook apart from comments and likes, but I do like to see what the DDs and DGS are doing - with the time difference between UK and Australia skype or phone calls aren't always easy and they always seem to be so busy.

When I moved away from home my DP didn't have a phone at first, so DM wrote me weekly letters and I usually wrote to them once a week. In an emergency we knew we could phone a neighbour.

Times change!

lucyinthesky I check the 'family' section regularly, as Aka says 'how else would I know what is going on'. What seems like a matter of major importance to us is just part of life's rich pattern to our offspring. Mind you I am now too 'clever' at reading between the lines on Facebook that I make up all the wrong stories. In your daughter's mind she probably doesn't want to worry you! Bless our children!

It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest Lucy. Wearing glasses isn't the end of the world, is it?

I love facebook and I'm friends with all my family, immediate and distant. Never a day goes by without some communication. And as for the phone bill? What phone bill?

I'm quite happy to be 'friends' with immediate family. How else would I find out what they're up to?

Maybe it us good policy not to be "friends" on FB with immediate family?

Jingl - heartening to know it's not just me. Lona - That's how I used to be with my DD. Lovely long chats and now nothing really. I say any news? She says no. She also told me during our little 'spat' that what she does and who she sees is nothing to do with me - fair enough I suppose. Ann - I have had very dark thoughts about Mark Zuckerberg. I watched the film about how FB all started and all I could think throughout it was 'I'd like to punch you mate' Although I do realise it's wonderful for folks who are apart to keep in touch (honestly I really do!)