To feel annoyed by language

At what point does being friendly morph into condescension and being patronising? I make no excuse for the media who see everything in terms of bad puns and cliches, but am becoming more sensitive to it in others. Being addressed as "ladies" when out for lunch/a drink with female friends can be loaded with condescion as far as I am concerned. It is but a short step to "does (s)he take sugar?' I have also inveighed against attempting to defuse it by playing up to being "daft old dears" and take violent exception to ageist jokes. Humph!!

Even more surprising....today I put petrol in the tank and went to pay. The young woman taking my payment said to me 'hi, gorgeous' then gave me my receipt and called me 'babes!' As I glared at her before I fled, she greeted an elderly man as he came through the door 'hi, sweet cakes!' I don't know what's worse, 'babes' or 'dearie.'

'Sweet cakes' ! I can picture the chap's face!

He should have feigned deafness and shouted 'PARDON?' several times...

At the dump/recycling centre this morning myself and two men drivers parked at the opening to toss rubbish into. Both men parked nose first whilst I reversed in, easier access. A council staff chap chuckled and suggested I give the men lessons on how to reverse. Noticing my bags were pretty heavy he said " let me give you a hand pal" and proceeded to help me. I took this as a kind gesture and just a comical remark re the men's parking.

It always strikes me as odd how hospital staff of both sexes - nurses, doctors, porters or admin staff always call DH "sir' while female patients are "dear" or maybe their first name, but never "madam".

Oh course it's newsworthy when an 89 year old goes AWOL from a retirement home without telling anyone and journeys to another country. I think there are too many knickers getting in twist over a bit of light-hearted journalism.
FGS it's good to have something to raise a smile on the news for a change.

Luckily I don't have any FB friends who are likely to share a BNP post or if they did they'd soon be unfriended.

That's not been my experience, Soutra. Whenever Mr A has been in hospital he's always been addressed as 'Mr A' until they've established whether he'd prefer to have his first name used. It was the same when I was in hospital last year - no one ever called me 'dear'! (thank goodness for them...)

Dear Ana

It's all right when you say it, Aka!

I have never yet been called dear. I pity the first one that uses it!

I do have to argue on behalf of these localised terms of "endearment" Chuck. Duck, Love, me lover, pet, etc.
These expressions are very common in many local areas, but could be considered condescending. They were a source of much anger in the early women's lib days.

It seems to me though it's a bit tough to start protesting about these expressions where they are just familiar terms of everyday speech and the usual form of greeting in their home areas, where they play an important part in social interaction.

Do other Europeans use them? Do the French say "Mon canard" (not quite the same ring to it as "me duck") but you see what I mean.

www.rousette.org.uk/blog/archives/regional-terms-of-endearment-to-strangers/

I agree, nellie. None of those kind of terms bothers me in the least. The only time anyone tried to be patronising towards me, when I was working in a university library and had asked one of the lecturers to bring back books he'd had out for twenty years so that I could catalogue them online, or record them as missing, was when he sneeringly asked me if I hadn't anything better to do.
"Plenty," I replied, "but I'm paid to sit here and do this job, so I'm doing it."

He buggered off and came back each day for several days thereafter with great piles of books.

There may have been other times when people tried to patronise me but I think I'm pretty immune to being patronised. It just goes over my head because I know I am not inferior to anyone and I guess that shows in the total non-reaction, or maybe the figurative biting off of heads as above.

I know I'm not superior either.

I guess that all patronising behaviour achieves with me is to indicate something about the person doing it. I think one has to let it bounce right back and smack them in the face for the rudeness it is.

I've never felt that someone calling me duck, pet, love, dear... was being rude. Usually felt they were just being pleasant and friendly.

Anyone calling me dear is asking to get their head bitten off literarily. I get very angry about it. I'm no ones "dear" only my DH gets away with it.

I'm with you, bags - get over yourselves, ladies!

As fior hospitals, I've always been asked what I prefer to be called, and I specify the short form of my forename. But if someone calls me 'me duck', or 'dear' or whatever, short of 'you old git' that's fine by me...

I am with Aka here, no one was making fun of the gentleman in question, and in any case he really enjoyed his fame for a short while however he was addressed.

With you all the way, bags but there's a difference when, as in the OP's example, the media uses condescending language to imply that the subject of the article is infantile, and to distort facts. I quite like 'pet' 'hen' and 'duck' but do mind attempts to patronise me, especially when such words as 'dear' are used to override my wishes when I am in a potentially vulnerable situation, like a hospital bed or doctor's surgery.

Precisely my reason When for the use of dear. Any others don't bother me as I mentioned up thread when someone called me pal, he was being friendly.

I think many of you are reading more into it than was intended - why would they be condescending towards him? Is this what happens when some lighthearted humour is displayed by the media? No wonder they don't usually bother with anything other than depressing news!

I've been called 'dear', 'pet', 'love' and yes, even 'babe' (I had thought of going back to that shop a few times to hear it again - it's been a long time ) and I've had men offering to carry bags and give up their seat for me - I didn't feel patronised, I was glad of the help and the consideration shown. Maybe I've just got thicker skin ...

In a hospital dear surely is because so many people come and go and it's a coverall. Madam is a bit too "Are you being served?"and two syllables While sir is easy to say. Flower is lovely for small children but pronounced flooor as near as I can make it. It can also be used by older women to daft young men very scathingly(I've heard say)as in student with feet on bus seat The bairn's tired aren't you flower? Feet come off swiftly and gets off bus at the next stop

I don't normally mind, except when I feel there is a patronising undertone. "Is that all right, dear?"
"Perfectly fine, poppet".
Is my reply; it normally shuts them up.
I hate "you guys" as well.
One of the things I like about being in France is the universal use of Madame or Monsieur and for that matter of Bonjour / Bonsoir as a greeting. So easy to get right. Unlike the kissing, of course, which is a social exchange of infinite complexity.

When ever a man calls me 'My love', I think of Margot Leadbetter in The Good Life,

'I'm NOT your love, I'm Madam.'

I don't really care what people call me but like, Mamie, I'm not keen on 'guys'. DH hates it so when a waiter asks, 'Are you guys ready to order?' I just know I'm going to hear about it all afternoon