Wedding meal

I think 'themed' meals are quite fashionable at weddings these days. I'm planning my own wedding for Halloween (we're having a buffet, which will have a Mediterranean/North African/Middle Eastern slant but not exclusively so) and from what I've read, it seems quite popular amongst less traditional couples, particularly in the States, to have something like tacos, or a hog roast, or only desserts, or some other non-traditional fayre. I think the curry is one of the British equivalents. It is unfortunate for people who don't like or can't eat curry! And yes, it would be unpleasant to end up with your wedding outfit smelling of curry, particularly if it's dry clean only!

This is my second wedding, and even so I find it very odd that couples invite people they barely know (parents' friends). But then, I paid for my first wedding at the age of 31 and will be paying for my second one at 50, so there's no reason to invite anyone at least one of us doesn't specifically want to be there!

Weddings must come a close second to wills in causing family conflict!! We have had 4 children married all with different criteria for who would be invited. As we paid for most of it we did invite a few close friends of ours, but this doesn't seem to be the norm now.

The easiest was DD3 who went to Barbados! Only her immediate family were able to afford the journey. They hadn't originally planned to have any of us!!

Now the Indians have the right idea. Everyone who wants to come turns up and the celebrations go on for about 3 days. And they have huge quantities of Indian food to eat! Yummmm! Your DH wouldn't like it at all, Overthehill

When my daughter got married, both sets of parents paid for the wedding.
My daughter got a bit stroppy about us wanting to invite a few friends, so I pointed out a) a wedding is not just about the couple, it is about 2 families becoming connected and b) just as she wanted to share her joy with her friends, the parents wanted to share it with their friends. I'm talking about 8 people out of a guest list of 128 - didn't seem that unreasonable to me,

I hadn't realised that there was a tradition of inviting parents' friends When we got married in 1970 the guests were mainly family. We invited about a dozen of our friends with their partners and I think a friend of my mother's came. My in laws didn't have any friends along at all. Although we had quite a lot of relatives our parents didn't really have close frinds that they socialised with.

Yup I think it unreasonable to judge the wedding menu, especially if you are not going to eat it too.
I think you are right Kittylester. Weddings used to be very much under the control of the bride's parents as they were paying. Like many, I have an astonishing number of grievances about mine which surprised me when my daughter queried my choice of bridesmaids back then. At the time I was 20 and OH 23. We couldn't have afforded to take 5 people to the chippie and were very grateful for what my parents provided. Now people are getting married later and often have houses and domestic set ups already, so the wedding is paid for by them. Quite reasonable for them to invite who they choose I would say and decide what they are going to eat too

I think the OP is being unreasonable as, surely, the meal is the choice of the 'happy' couple.

The reason, I would imagine, that parents' friends are not invited so much now is that most 'children' pay for their own wedding. The only way we got aunts and uncles invited to DD1's wedding (and the first of our children) was to contribute to the reception 'if you invite auntie so and so'. We then did it for the remaining four children.

They were adamant that they wanted to pay, presumably because they had more control. When DH and I got married, my DF paid for most of it (there were strict demarcations back then, when the world was black and white) and, therefore, they chose who came in 'our half'. DH's parents chose who came on his side. His side included the parent's of someone his older brother went to school with

Seems to be, we had the 2 Weddings here, the civil and the Church, 150 for a finger buffet after the Church service, the Civil service was in the morning, DD had invited some 'family' friends, but when I suggested i wanted to invite some of my friends to the Church and buffet afterwards, she was quite surprised. there was a 7 course dinner in the evening for 70., which meant numbers were limited.
There were quite a few 'family' friends in the evening of DDs choosing,I was quite chuffed at their choice, only family members were SILs mothers cousins from Paris, and X, who only came because I paid for everything, including his flights. It was nice to able to invite my friends to the Church and lunchtime buffet. Prepared 6 weeks after a total knee replacement which didn't work !!!!!!

Is there a modern trend for parents' friends not to be invited to weddings? DS gets married next year and there are several old friends I would have invited, but as we have not been invited to their off springs' weddings in the past few years, I begin to think it is not usual any more. Have no problem with that, nobody else from friendship groups invited either. Just curious

I probably should shut up now, but a very close friends youngest son gets married next month he and his Brother were the ushers at DDs wedding here and we have been close most of their lives.
We are not invited as the venue holds 60 and that will just about fit the families.
he called us and explained and we all totally understood, it is Their Wedding and that is the venue they wanted.
I am going to my friends holiday cottage in the country for a long weekend to look after the dog.
Looking forward to it and they do not have to worry about the pooch for the whole weekend.
I do not know how it still works in the UK but you do not give a gift here if you are not attending the Wedding.
On another tag I am catering for a vegetarian and vegan finger buffet for a wedding in september, any ideas for the vegans would be much appreciated.

overthehill; I'm glad that you've raised the point about the complications that weddings can cause and what has probably happened in your case is the choice of food in some way represents your hurt at not receiving the invitation. It's all so complicated because when you expect an invitation and then it doesn't arrive you're in a difficult situation..if you contact them you feel as if you're being pushy and causing them embarrassment but at the same time you're feeling hurt due to being left out [been there, got the t shirt ]. If you were a less sensitive person and just phoned up saying 'oi, where's my invite' the curry issue wouldn't have seemed so much of an issue. A no win situation for you, really. We've just been 'not invited' to a family wedding that we don't actually want to go to, which isn't a problem except for the fact that someone that has been invited seems to be making a point of saying things like 'we'll tell you all about it afterwards, chuckle chuckle'. Grrr.

overthehill I also thought that Hildaw 's reaction was a little - well, caustic, for want of a better word. It all seems to have got out of hand and away from the original discussion. I think it probably helps all of us to at least try to look at the issue/post from the point of view of the original poster, whatever our views, before responding, and to put our points of view in a way which doesn't make them feel defensive or hurt. And I think we are all inconsistent and illogical at times - I certainly am, I plead guilty to that much of the time. But does it really matter?

HildaW

Thank you so much for reprimanding me and putting me firmly in my place.

I must in future think carefully before posting as I need to beware of enraging the wroth of people such as yourself.

In my defence I thought I was just posting about something that had happened and wondered what others thought and lots of others did just that.

I didn't really expect to be hauled over the coals but of course there is no accounting for what other people might think. Intolerance is what I believe you call it.

Anyway keep happy.

This forum has a general heading 'Am I being unreasonable?' ergo it asks a question.....so why are you getting so hot under the collar overthehill when folks give their opinion.
I have been much impressed by the general restraint of the answers to your OP. You have kept banging on about 3 invites that did not arrive....which in the real world means...THEY DID NOT SEND YOU ONE!
More to the point a bride and groom can choose to offer whale meat should they choose...its their wedding! And even more to the point when did being 'white English' preclude one from enjoying food of a different culture? Talk about making something out of nothing. You do not want to go....you were not invited...I'd call that a result. And the answer to the original question...'Am I being unreasonable?' I'd say not sure....but you certainly appear to be somewhat intolerant.

Yes Felice I do not understand the significance please explain.

I see you have popped in "so what is the problem", there is no problem, my original question or statement if you like was I thought curry a strange choice.

I think maybe you read more into these discussions than is actually there. They are just chat, I just wondered what others thought of that choice.

You said you were supposed to receive three invitations to the wedding none of which you received.
Would your DH have made it very clear at the Wedding if he had attended that he did not like, the Bride and Grooms choice of food????
Forums are for discussion, yes, and i did comment on the fact that when I had a 'Wedding breakfast' almost no one understood the significance of that, perhaps you might like to comment on that, you have made it quite clear you are happy not to attend, so what is the problem.
Curry is a made-up English term, Indian food if it is an Indian curry should taste of spices, not fire.
My Indian friends here call the sauce in their meals gravy, in their own language. Perhaps any Grans from the sub-continent can open a discussion ?????????

I just adore weddings , they are up there with C-----mas and holidays for for me !

BIG, BIG

Felice

I thought the idea of these forums was to discuss things. I find it strange that people like to tell us to 'relax' or words to that effect. In other words keep quiet.

I personally try to put posts up that might evoke interest from others as this has done. I enjoy reading other points of view.

As you say in the Op, it is their wedding, and anyway you are not invited, does it really matter what they are having as a 'Wedding breakfast', I did that for my 2nd wedding and hardly anyone understood the significance of it.
Relax, there are more things in the world to get stressed over.

We are going to the wedding of a friend's daughter in October we will only know the brides immediate family and are on nodding terms with her aunt and uncle. Thinking about it, this has been the case with all the weddings I've been too. The previous one we attended was our Godson. We'd never even met the bride before and left still not having met her !
Isn't it the case that you only know a few people at a wedding ? I thought that was normal.

I think I would be worried in my friend's place Rowan as she isn't keen but her DH is insistent. I'd want to know what he'd been up to. Ours aren't worn out either - strange!

Maybe they'll have already thought of that, Aka, and opted for a brown wedding-dress!

It's to be hoped the bride doesn't drop any on her dress as curry stains are hard to remove!

Curry does sound a bit unusual, but maybe they have alternatives for those who can't eat highly spiced food? Not everyone can eat it.

As to renewing of vows, kittylester - that always amuses me. Do the original ones wear out eventually or what? Should I worry? Mine are over 40 years old...

I really don't like weddings, generally speaking. They cost a huge amount which could be better spent on putting towards a house or furnishing a first home, or, dare I say it, saving. But most people seem to go in for them. They can be very tedious if you don't know many of the guests. And wedding invitations, or the lack of them, can cause a lot of hurt and upset - as overthehill ,Tegan and others will testify!
The simplest ones are often nicest. DD3 of a dear friend of mine was married by her own mother in their local church and had the reception in the back garden, in a hired marquee, and a friend made the cake. Not a big outlay at all and not a huge guest list either.

We haven't been invited to a family wedding [the S.O.'s family] and I have to admit to being relieved as I wouldn't know anyone [weddings are like that] but at the same time we're a bit hurt that we can't go ; which I know is two faced of us. I would have had to wear smart clothes for two days and one day is my limit.

HildaW

I quite agree, but our friends keep insisting they would have sent it. Our friend has asked me to confirm our address and postcode, which I have done. Our friend is distraught over this but as I said, once I heard about the curry I knew we wouldn't be attending anyway.