Family Living Abroad

Oh dear Rad 14 that is so sad for you. I'm not sure what could help you, but do not be fooled by all those happy Christmas adverts. There are never family problems in Advertland are there?
If you read through the forums, you will find that most young people have strong ideas on how to bring up their children. After all didn't we when we were young parents? We all have to do a certain amount of tongue biting these days as our views are not always sought
I do hope you can find a way of accepting the situation and perhaps getting some joy from it.

I know just how you feel Rad14 about the Christmas adverts, all those lovely toys and 'happy familes' it really can be quite depressing.

We have 2 sons, the eldest has been in Australia for getting on for 2 years with his new wife and neither they or us know if it will be their permanent place of residence.

Our youngest lives a 2 minute walk down the road and has a child who will be 3 next month. We've been estranged for over two and a half years and despite them living so close, last had contact with our gc at the age of 8 months. Occasionally we see him with the child minder who lives even nearer to us than our son.

Three years ago was our gs's first Christmas and we knew we wouldn't be allowed to see him, we also knew it was our son's last Christmas here before going to Aus. We wanted to close the door and wait for the festivities to end but managed to carry on as best we could. We managed to carry on last year too and will be doing the same this Christmas.

I know it's not the same but you'll be able to skype your son and his family and as your grand daughter gets older she'll be able to interact with you too. We went to visit our son and d.i.l. in April and saying good bye was really hard but we skype every week and are planning to visit them again; our son will be back for a week in the summer.

As rosequartz says, start saving for and planning your next trip and visit them whenever you can for as long as you can. In a few years your grand daughter through your visits and regular contact will know that you're her grand parents even though she's so far away in Aus. We have friends whose only gc are also in Aus. and they know them to be their grandparents even though they only visit every 18 months or so. I doubt our gs will ever know we are his, even though he's just down the road.

Take care and what ever you do, I hope you'll be able to get some enjoyment out of this Christmas.

I do know that people moan about Facebook, but I find it helps. I can catch up with what they are doing and we can 'chat' online or message each other instantaneously. If they are not happy about putting photos on there, as many people are not, perhaps they could email you photos or videos of the baby.

I don't find Skype that great, probably because of the connection being poor where one DD is, and DGS is difficult to 'pin down' to chat on Skype or on the phone. We may catch a glimpse of him whizzing past on his little bike and waving to us!

We have come a long way from the six week voyage and letters that took weeks to arrive; telephone calls that had to be pre-booked - technology is not the same as having them near but communication is so much better than it was in the not-too-distant past. Air fares are comparatively cheaper as well - if you aren't tied by work then keep saving and look out for bargains.

My only daughter moved permanently from the UK to New Zealand when she was only seventeen and I did not move here (NZ) until she was nearly thirty-one, by which time she had five children. I visited her several times and she also came to the UK on her own for her grandmother's ninetieth birthday, by herself with her first baby and, much later, with her husband and third (age 3) and fourth (age 2) children whom I had not previously met. It was always wonderful to see her/them and equally heartbreaking when we had to part, but I can't imagine how devastating it would have been had we never seen each other in those long separate years. I used up quite a bit of my "savings for old age" paying everybody's fares on the basis that you never know what the future may hold and the present presence, as it were, was too precious to miss.