Gransnet forums


daughters lack of confidence in us

(57 Posts)
silverlining48 Thu 07-Aug-14 09:59:13

does anyone else get lists of instructions lists, texts and phone calls every time they look after their grandchildren to check that all is well. Nothing untoward has ever happened and this constant supervision is making us miserable. We love seeing our grandchildren, and have spent lots of happy times together. None of my friends have this experience Any advice?

FarNorth Fri 22-Aug-14 18:07:00

I'm happy to get any instructions as I don't see my DGD very often (because of distance) and she is a little person with habits and preferences that I may not know about.

Summerisle Fri 22-Aug-14 13:52:16

I can see how frustrating it must be to be given a list of instructions but then I don't actually assume that just because I managed to bring my sons up to adulthood without any disasters, it makes me an unquestioned expert!

Also, guidelines about caring for babies and children have changed in many ways - as is always, historically, the case - and I find it much easier to just agree with any recommendations about my DGDs.

Only I remember how irksome it was to be constantly told by my former MIL that I was "doing things all wrong" when I fed on demand and refused to attempt to potty train a 6 month old baby. My own mother was great. She provided advice if requested but otherwise kept schtum. I'm sure I did things differently to her but she never forgot that my babies were MINE. So I've always taken the same approach with my DGDs.

I don't get a list of instructions but sometimes I do quietly laugh to myself when my DDIL and DS worry whether my eldest DGD will be "naughty" in my care. Trust me, I brought up the King of Tantrums (my other son) and I find being a grandmother an absolute breeze in comparison!

chloe1984 Fri 22-Aug-14 13:04:09

I have looked after my two grandsons from a few weeks old for the weekend etc. never have they arrived with any instructions/ advice etc. whatsoever. Yesterday we took charge of the dog for a few days he arrived with a page of A4 instructions.

FlicketyB Fri 22-Aug-14 10:10:36

I can remember all too clearly the first day we had precious GD in our care, we live 200 miles away so she was 4 before this happened.

We took her to the beach at Filey - a mix of sand and stone. We were walking along the concrete path to the Brig, when it became seaweedy and slimy. I immediately started to say 'I think its time to turn back now the path is getting slippy', (I was worried for myself as well as her) when she went base over apex and grazed her knee and had a nasty scrape down her leg. We returned her to her parents cringing and apologetic, as they are, at times, a bit over fussy (or seem so to us), but they were very relaxed about it and we were allowed to have her again the next day. We headed inland then to somewhere less hazardous!

Magmar Thu 21-Aug-14 22:19:19

For me it's mostly the other way around - I fretted about doing things right and sticking to the grandchildren's routine when they were small, and then yesterday when I visited my daughter and found her in the garage putting things in the tumble dryer and asked her where the 22 month old was, I was told she's in her high chair in the kitchen - and discovered her NOT strapped in!! Call me old fashioned, but if I had left her like that and something had happened there would have been hell to pay! And I would have deserved it! There is a happy medium!

Stansgran Thu 21-Aug-14 21:17:00

A friend told me to practice saying with a direct smile and eyes wide open"we've done everything you asked"best to say it to the mirror first.

silverlining48 Thu 21-Aug-14 19:45:10

Lovely reading everyone's points about my initial question. Some made me smile and some made me feel better. So thanks to you all. We will carry on and try to take the lists of instructions with a pinch of something, and know we are more than capable of taking good care of our lovely grandchildren.

pinkprincess Sat 09-Aug-14 20:01:01

Thank you JaneAinsworth

5timesnannie Sat 09-Aug-14 18:01:02

I have 2 d.i.l, one never gave instructions/orders but the other with her first left me with 5 pages of A4. As Kiora says read or listen then do what you know you should do and don't take it personally. This d.i.l has now had her 3 third child and we now laugh about her notes. 3rd child is left with me once a week and I have to ask for an update on the day's routine. Stay calm, smile and don't worry, I am sure you are a great granny.

Mishap Sat 09-Aug-14 17:36:53

That made me smile when - I know just what you mean. If in doubt, I ask a grandchild!

rosequartz Sat 09-Aug-14 17:16:32

I usually manage to buggar mess up the remote controls at DD's house. They have had to get the Austar man out twice - I swear it wasn't me last time!

The main thing I worry about is if the DGC hurt themselves or are ill when in my care.

whenim64 Sat 09-Aug-14 17:10:23

I can't work the TV remote at my daughter's house - it's been so well used that all letters and numbers have disappeared. She's shown me once, so assumes I'll remember. That's once I can turn the thing on because Sky needs a different remote and I have to try several before one works. If a channel needs changing, I hand the remote to the nearest child grin

The microwave is like a foreign language, so I heat things in a pan. The kettle has different temperatures for tea and coffee - I realise when I've finished making grey looking tea. The safety gates all have different ways of unlocking. The phone is so tiny I can't press the numbers I want. The conservatory lock is the reverse of the front door so I keep leaving it unlocked by mistake.

How do they live with all this confusing technology? A manual I could refer to would be quite helpful in their houses. In my house, all they ask is that no fizzy drinks are given. Everything else seems acceptable.

Tegan Sat 09-Aug-14 16:39:39

Usually get a two second instruction as to what to do before they disappear confused.

Nonu Sat 09-Aug-14 16:30:53

We had exactly the same problems with car seats ,buggies and stair gates.

Glad to say that is all behind us now they are old enough to be in booster seats and can put safety belts in themselves !

So there IS a God!!


shysal Sat 09-Aug-14 16:12:21

Not to mention the folding/unfolding of the pushchair or pram!angry

Tegan Sat 09-Aug-14 15:07:03

Last time I looked after the grandchildren I couldn't work out how to unlock the front door. And there was another time when I couldn't put the rubicks cube that is the clip on the car seat strap together.

Liz46 Sat 09-Aug-14 09:04:57

What about discipline? We find that we are stricter than the parents and we were upset that we 'told off' our 5 year old grandson a couple of times when he last stayed with us for a weekend.

shysal Sat 09-Aug-14 08:40:36

Never mind instructions on childcare, I needed written guidance on how to work their TV and access the DVD player, Sky box, Playstation etc.! I even struggled with the washing machine - couldn't find the washing powder etc. until I was informed that it was already in a reservoir inside the machine, never knew they could do that! Switching it off in order to open the door was also a puzzle! blush
Of course, at a very early age, the GCs were soon able to take over. smile

thatbags Sat 09-Aug-14 08:01:19

Likewise. When in Rome and all that. Not that's there's a fundamental difference between us. Same principles and the same aims tend towards the same kind of behaviour.

harrigran Fri 08-Aug-14 23:54:35

I don't get instructions, I am the only help they have. Grandma's house, Grandma's rules grin

janeainsworth Fri 08-Aug-14 21:03:40

pinkprincess flowers

rosequartz Fri 08-Aug-14 18:53:04

silver just wondering if the teacher is going to get a long list of instructions when the older one starts school in September hmm

pinkprincess Fri 08-Aug-14 18:09:03

I have already replied via Facebook on this subject.
I have provided childcare free of any charge for all of my five grandchildren since they were babies.As the youngest two lived with me it was almost full time.
My son and his wives (he has been married twice) never dreamed of giving me instructions as they knew better.I always felt free to ask though if I had any queries. They were grateful of the care I provided and I felt good that they trusted me.
I have collected my DGC from school and cared for them in school holidays.The three eldest who are now aged 22,20, and 18 still remember those times with great affection.My DGD2 is expecting a baby in November and is already looking forward to me giving help when she needs it.
Babies do not come with instructions, but neither do teenagers and in my opinion that is the more difficult stage.I am presently caring for my DGD3 who is 18 and has MH and substance abuse problems.I would like to have been provided with information and instructions on that.Caring for a baby is like a walk in the park compared to this.


Nonu Fri 08-Aug-14 18:00:48



HildaW Fri 08-Aug-14 17:51:03

Nonu, a thought that always flashes through my head....but then I remember to be charitable and accept that many people feel they need the two incomes. I might moan about my Daughter laying down the law but she is being a fulltime Mum at the moment even though they have to count every penny.