Wrong and utterly stupid pronunciations...

Could someone please tell me the correct pronunciation of assume? I was brought up with assume, but so many people now say ashume.

my daughter used to say beetfruit for beetroot, diangle for diagonal and 'old timers disease' for altzheimers (not sure of spelling).

When I was small we had a traveling shop call. It was from the Home and Colonial but I could never get my mouth around that and always called it the Home and Tickle only. Amazing the memories that bounce back when you read postings on this forum.

And at Christmas we wished each other the condiments of the season. My dad loved spoonerisms and one of this favourites in wet weather was 'it's roaring with pain'.

As a girl I often went to the milk depot to buy an extra pint for my grandma but never saw it written. Playing with my younger cousin he was writing notices for a game we were playing an said 'I'll write the depot sign' I remember blushing as I thought what a clot I would have looked if I'd written it, deppo!

Well, it's good to get round the table and get things out in the open once in a while, rosequartz!

We always put our condiments on the table

I think I have related this tale before, so I apologise first off.

My dear mum said one day. "You'll never guess what they said on the radio today". 'What mum". 'Well they said a man was walking his dog in Abbey Park and it ran into a bush and came out with a 'condiment' in his mouth". She thought it was very funny bless her. I said "What do you think a 'condiment' is mum". She said "You know one of them Durex thingies men 'wear'".

We always said Hilda Baker must have based 'She knows y'know' on mother.

petallus I used to say it correctly when MIL pronounced words incorrectly (she was very good at Spoonerisms as well) but she didn't notice and carried on happily. I never told her.

Is she from Manchester, anno

I have a friend from there and she always says 'lickle' and 'hospikal'
(the other way round of course)

Old station dog was Alsation as far as my grandfather was concerned.

Until fairly recently I thought cotoneaster was pronounced cotton easter.

I have great difficulty keeping a straight face when my brother talks about his 'prostrate' but he'd be put out if I laughed.

My grandmother used to pronounce Fibogel 'Fi bo gul' with the emphasis on the second syllable which I thought suited the product more somehow.

Incidentally, when somebody mispronounces a word, is it best to use the correct pronunciation when it is your turn to say it or tactfully repeat their error?

A good friend always mispronounces tickle as 'tittle' and ankle as 'antle'. I know she would write them correctly, so I think it may be a local dialect thing.

DD: Ballballs instead of Baubles
Uncle: Chimbly (chimney) thilthy (filthy)
Beach hut friend -again - Gillett (hard G and pronouncing the t's)

My ex says All-dee-berg instead of Aldeburgh. Secatary is another pet hate, I am sure I can think of a few more

Going the other way - I was talking to someone about Audrey Hepburn's gorgeous yellow coat in Charade, said it was designed by Gi-ven-chy (english pronun.)
She corrected me "Ji von shy".

My mom used to say "Anty Queues" instead of Antiques!

But there are current awful mispronunciations too - "nucular" "jullery" "pronounciation" "chalislands" (SW local weather forecaster) and so on.

This really should be in Pedants' Corner, should it not?

I have always found the word 'caramel' difficult to say. Yep, it's become camarel.

And my dear gran was Gar, because my eldest cousin couldn't say Grandma.

And my son regularly confused apparently and allegedly (He was 3 at the time) and came out with apparegdly.

Me again! I worked in a grocery store when I was a teenager.One of the assistants there always asked for more supplies of "dedicated coconut" and "coronation milk" she was always deadly serious!!

We chose a new sofa from those on show, then called the assistant over to make the sale. "I see you have chosen the Kezaney", said he.

Umm, no, we had picked the Cezanne.

I remember watching a reporter on tv (on It'll Be All Right on the Night, I think) who couldn't say 'hyperdermic needle' - she repeatedly said, 'hyperdeemic nerdle'!

A boy in my school used to say "Grand Pricks" instead of "Grand Prix". He never knew why we laughed. On holiday our tour rep told us the town was very chick, as in chic! I once heard someone order "automatic duck" in a restaurant, now that's what we call it in our family! Dad used to say "horses doovers" when talking about a starter on a menu. Lastly my friend thought we were human beans!

When DGD was little she used to help her mum put dirty laundry in the "washing it clean" it'll never be a washing machine to me now. My Dad did what Hollydaze Dad did, and transposed the first letters of the words. Chish and fips was one of his favourites too. He also called Rimski? Korsakov, " Rip your corsets off" which still makes me smile. Oh, and flutterbies for butterflies.

The Alsation made me laugh - when we got our puppy last year, our neighbour looked quizzically at her for a few weeks, and said - 'your dog doesn't half look like an Alsation' - I sad well she is, 'Oh I thought you said she was a German Shepherd....'

My DS used to say andublance, and liked small cake and the new woods ( shortbread , new forest )

My DD had a client she called Mrs Gills ( hard g ) Pie for 2 years until her boss pronounced Mrs Gillespie correctly !