Why do I have such a DIL?

I agree with many of the above posts (elegran and others) AND ALSO Coolgran65 that mrsmac is not real and is making this up to see what the response is. If so, very sick.

If not, then the parents need to be reported asap and that child is in need of help. If, as mrsmac says the SS will not help, then perhaps the NSPCC will, and the police need to be told.

No decent person could stand aside and let this happen to a little 5 year old boy without doing something, let alone what purports to be a concerned grandmother!

If you want me to leave-I will. Thank you for all the nice things and feeling and real help.

Elegran-I have done what I said I did. The social services said they could not do anything. They did not say (if I left you thinking incorrectly, then sorry) that pulling out teeth with pliers happens all the time. What they said was that gp called and reported the parents a lot. Now, I can only do what I can, I did say if I gave my name would it help-NO, was the answer. They felt there was nothing they could do yet. They suggested I try to keep my eye open and if possible take pictures (concrete evidence) not just me calling and being accusing and the parents denying it. That way, maybe, just maybe I could do something.
I am not trying to pull at anyone. I came here looking for something.
I have told everyone on here the truth. I can not make police or anyone do something as much as I would love them to it. The law takes over and they go by it.

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My post crossed with Soutra and Elangran.

Elangran - it did flicker across my mind that this is so bad... could someone be making this up. And I felt bad that someone might make up something so awful. If this is the case then the poster is a very disturbed person and in need of assessment.

mrsmac..... if you are indeed genuine, please report this and save your little grandson from such misery.

I don't think you'd make that up - about the teeth and pliers.

God! It makes you wonder how many children live on the edge of very extreme situations.

If an adult uses pliers to pull out a child's teeth before they are ready to fall out, (how many teeth were involved) (I can't believe I've just written this) could it be obvious to a doctor/dentist that this has occurred.

It appears that SS did not respond to an anonymous call - what if a call was to say..... this has happened, this needs investigated, I am noting that this has been reported to youm and what is your name.
SS services may say there is no proof but surely as a response to such a call, at least a visit to the family should take place and the child checked. If child appears ok, the family has at least been put on notice that the authorities are suspicious.

What about going to the police.
Make a statement.
Does Mrmac know of these teeth being pulled, of beatings.

It troubles me that these events might only be those that you aware of. I don't want to be an alarmist but what if there are other disciplines/issues.

Is your GS at school, msmac? Would a teacher not be aware of bruising and the pulled teeth? I am not sure an anonymous report is the way to go about it, but members with SW experience would be able to put me right here. This is a serious issue and for your GS's sake you need to take action.

msmac One of two things is going on here.

1) From what you say, your grandson has been badly abused by his Pappy. Pulling out a small boys teeth with pliers is not something that the Social Services (or police) regard as "that sort of thing happens a lot". It is cruelty of the worst sort, and if you fail to report it - without hiding behind anonymity - you are colluding and allowing it and other things to happen. If you think that it is worse that you don't see him than that this situation continues unchecked, you don't deserve a grandchild.

OR

2)You are winding up the loving concerned grandparents on this forum by telling this story, which goes to the heart of every mother or grandmother.

If what is going on is my first scenario, then get on the phone to the police and tell them what you have posted here. Give them a date for that teeth-pulling, and tell them of any other abuse thatyou have witnessed. If it is the second scenario, go away and don't come back.

jinglbellsfrocks-please read how I tried to get social services to help, but they would not. It just adds to my frustration.

I have told him, just last week, via text because he sent one saying he was on his way up to "let me know how he feels about a few things". I told him that if he did not act nice, I would ask him to leave and if he didn't I would call the police and have him removed. He never came up. Haven't heard from him either. Mu husband, well now is another case, he likes to hide his head in the sand and thinks all is well with the world. When he comes up for air, he is still in his fairy tell world. He works 9 hours a day, comes home eats, takes a shower, watches some TV and goes to bed. He doesn't like any type of confrontation or decision making. He just wants to be happy. I do too, but reality is reality. So, not much help from there.

Well, I did call anonymously and was told that sort of thing happens a lot. And it is usually the gp that are doing the reporting. I also was told that it is not "yet" abuse. They also said that if the child were asked questions regarding any of the allegations, what would his answer be? The man said that most of the time, the child will not turn on his mother, I am sure she has coached him not to tell on her father. Without actual physical proof and my gs confirming it, then they said they could not do anything if it actually fir into the child abuse class, which at this time it does not. I agree with you all and that is why I am also very upset...again, there is nothing I can do, but stand by and watch. We have no gp rights here. I appreciate all you are doing to help me, I did try that, but got no where. And, if she even suspected me of doing anything, I would not see them and the father would still have access to them, if you get my drift. I think sometimes I put up with some of her stunts just so I can keep an eye my gs. I always have his welfare at heart. I did not mention going to the authorities because I figured you all would think I was a nasty person.

Your further post msmac have really concerned me. It does sound as if this little boy is living in an abusive environment. Am sorry but its always a loving decent person's duty to report such events. If you do officially loose contact with your GS then that would be the price I'd pay. Just imagine how you would feel if this treatment went up a scale and resulted in permanent injury or worse?

I have just read the posts come on line whilst I was typing and I must say I would be more than worried about the treatment of this child.I think he needs help right now.

msmacHow I feel for you and send you virtual ((hugs)) if this was my problem I would first start with my son and refuse to have him "yell" at me or my OH that is just not done and he would be told so in no uncertain terms wether it upset him or not it is not acceptable,can your OH not tell him to stop this kind of behaviour.
I know you are desperate to see your DGS and feel you are being held to ransom but (again if it where me) I would not be available if they wanted childminding etc or financial help they would soon get the message I think.
Tell your DIL & Son they are welcome at your home with the children on your terms and if they don't like it tough, you will probably have them sulking for a while but trust me they will get over it.
Invite you DIL out to lunch and try and have a friendly chat even if it is the last thing you want to do.She has just given birth so give her some consideration for a while,whilst keeping a close eye on your DGS and how he is coping.So calm and rational is the way to go here in my opinion.

There is more than abuse going on, there is cruelty. What kind of a grandmother are you?

Just read the bit about the teeth! And the bruises! What are you on here for? Why aren't you talking to the police?!

Sod whether you get to see him or not. His welfare is far more important.

You really don't think that going to Social Services yet would be a good thing, msmac??? Your DGS is being physically abused. What is more important? If this little boy is being hurt then the authorities must be informed immediately - worry about access later.

That wasn't to you msmac. It was to petallus. Ignore.

I don't understand jinglebellsfrocks.

Oh come on petallus. Use it.

Thank you Grannyknot. I forgot this is a forum and not a chat room.

I was reading some other questions. No I am not short with them, it is usually them being short with us.
I do not want to control my DIL, it was a figure of speech. I realize I am unable to change the way they behave to us and to the gc.
My DIL "teaching us a lesson" is her way of saying, until you do what I want-you do not get to see the gc. Usually what she wants is something for herself.
We had our gs because she did not want bothered. She wanted a girl and had a boy, so she left him with us a lot. My son was trying to start up his own business and was working all the time.
Yes, I suspect abuse..but from her dad. He pulled my gs teeth out with a pair of pliers, while mommy held him. "They were going to come out anyway, sometime" was what we were told. No they were not loose yet.
Also, my gs has shown me bruises on his side and stomach where "pappy" hit him. Pappy is her father. My gs said he did it so that the 5 year old would be a man.
I don't think going to social services right now is a good idea. I would never see the gc again. If it turned out to be her father, she would never let them see us.
BTW, we only leave three houses apart, it is hard to see the gs through the trees and not be able to be with them.

hi msmac I'm sorry to read of the way your DIL treats you. I just wanted to add re your "sharp response" initially (which you've explained and it is indeed understandable) - that this is a forum rather than "live chat", so sometimes people do take awhile to post in reply, especially on difficult subjects, like this one.

I can't offer any advice, I have no experience of this at all, but you will find help on here.

To all,
I am sorry about the very nasty comment. I did not give people enough time to respond. I was very sharp. I was also hurting and not thinking correctly.
I can answer some of the questions:
We have tried to sit around the table, everything is "ironed out" and in a reasonable, adult manner, but then when my DIL gets a bug up her butt (and it doesn't take much) all bets are off and she's right back at it.
Yes, this situation has been going on for awhile. Everything will be fine, they like us, come visit, we can visit with our grandson...until they get what they want, ie money, help with bills, something fixed, do her wash etc. after that, they don't know us again.
My son comes up to yell because his wife tells him to make us do things and he feels the need to yell about these things if we do not do as she wishes-I will give you an example, she text me and said we do not call our grandson, well yes we had been calling every other night, but no one answered..they only use cell phones and our grandson does not have his own, so we call the DIL and our son's. We left messages and they never returned our calls. She then sent the text saying we were not calling, and then sent my son up to yell about it. Go figure.
Yes, princess is a 3 week old that the 5 year old has been tossed aside for. My DIL will not put her down and yells a lot at the 5 year. No she is not post partum and was not when she has done some pretty horrible things.
Her father was actually teaching my grandson to call me a B----, because he doesn't like me or so I was told.. She did not even get upset. Imagine, teaching a 5 year old to call someone that name. I may be one at times, but never to my grandson and he should not be taught to call me that.
I do not interfere, give unsolicited advice, show up unannounced, all the stuff you are not suppose to do. I also will not be a door mat. I have just begun to take this attitude though. I was one for a long time until I realized that I was being used.
She has made it so that the 5 year has never met or spoke with anybody except my husband and me on the paternal side. It is all her family and step-family. My mother has never spoke with or saw him. They have driven past her house numerous times though.
When I was "doing things for her on a constant basis, taking them to dinner, my husband fixing things...all was well. When she decided one time because she could be, she did not let us see him for two months.
And repeat, and repeat... you get the idea. I feel like I am on a roller coaster and can't get off.
Again sorry to be so rude yesterday.

What jingle you mean sent to prison so the children are motherless?