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to rant about the idiot again! Please feel free to ignore - I'll feel better after the rant!!

(14 Posts)
kittylester Mon 06-Oct-14 10:16:56

The Idiot has seen the children [who he insists on calling 'the babies'] for 4 hours over the last 8 weeks. Since she moved out he has given DD no money at all - 'I've got a bit of a cash flow problem at the moment!' He won't tell her his address because their home was egged and, if we know where he lives, we might do it again angry.

Today, she has had an email asking her what the 'arrangements' are for Christmas - so he and his family can plan! angryangry

Teetime Mon 06-Oct-14 10:27:50

It must be infuriating for this to keep happening, not sure what to suggest. You could have him 'tailed' I suppose to find out where he lives. Does she answer these e-mails- I wouldn't except to be very evasive 'my plans are very fluid - will advise in due course' kind of thing. Hope you are feeling a bit better now- sending you coffee and cake[cake]

Galen Mon 06-Oct-14 11:04:58

Suppose she could say he's not having them if she doesn't know where they'll be? I'd say that was reasonable

Mishap Mon 06-Oct-14 11:35:39

How important choice of partner is - what a lottery! You must be heartily sick of all this and I send good wishes.

kittylester Mon 06-Oct-14 11:52:40

Galen, she has said that and will stick to it. It is pathetic to imagine that we would egg their/his house!

You are right Mishap partner choice is a lottery but two of our children wouldn't have made big mistakes had they'd only listened to their parents grin Thank you for the good wishes. DD is mostly being strong so it isn't as bad as it might be.

ninathenana Mon 06-Oct-14 11:55:09

Oh kitty it's so frustrating isn't it flowers for you and DD. Has DD been in touch with CSA but then she would need his address wouldn't she. Business address maybe or even his parents address (assuming they're around) the no address is probably his way of avoiding CSA. Him and spermie would get on like house on fire grin

DD has been on phone in tears again this morning as spermie has had letter from CSA which states he must set up DD by 8th Nov which to him means he hasn't got to give her anything till then !! So I will be paying half her rent again this month. He keeps talking about having to pay DD money, can't get it through his thick head what CSA actually stands for.

kittylester Mon 06-Oct-14 12:24:24

Oh, nina. DD doesn't want to go to the CSA (is it CMS now) but I don't think it's that, he is just an idiot. I think she will have to threaten to make it official soon. She can't afford to get anywhere of her own until he starts paying up. Plus, he keeps threatening to go bankrupt! confused

Why do men think it hurts the ex-partner and not the children when they withhold money? Luckily we can afford to support DD for now and I suspect that he also banks on that. No doubt 'spermie' does too.

I hope we get on the same Jeremy Kyle show - it would be nice to have a friend! grin

GillT57 Mon 06-Oct-14 12:28:12

I am not sure that CSA would need an address as deductions can be made as an attachment of earnings through the employer who can be traced of course through NI NO. If he is self employed he must have an accountant so the correspondence could be sent via accountancy practice.

kittylester Mon 06-Oct-14 12:36:47

I should have said that Gill. DD was a director of his company so knows the accountant (he is actually the son of a friend of ours too). I was really using it as a demonstration of what a prat he is to imagine we'd egg his house or that if we did want to, we couldn't find it!

harrigran Mon 06-Oct-14 12:48:03

kitty flowers
I would be concerned about GC spending time away from home at an undisclosed address, for a grown man he seems to be quite infantile.

GillT57 Mon 06-Oct-14 12:56:06

Oh dear kitty it gets worse! Or does it? Maybe the accountant should be told what a prat he is. And no court in the land would force your daughter to send her children off to stay at an undisclosed address, he is likely just trying to demonstrate what a good parent he is by wanting to have the children over Xmas, and how unreasonable your daughter is by not allowing it. All I can say, and I won't be the first, is that eventually, as they grow up, the children will see him for the prat he is. A good friend had to put up with all sorts of petty demands and ridiculous behaviours from her ex ( who left her to go off with another woman) but as the children grew up they didnt want to spend time with him as they could see what he was doing. Now as teenagers they are able to express their own wishes.

glammanana Mon 06-Oct-14 12:58:28

Kittty Its never ending isn't it flowers we have been going through similar for nearly 2 years and DDs ex-hubby knows all too well we would never see them without and is taking the "mick" even down to helping supply school uniforms for their secondary school which was £s & £s.
There would be no way I would let them go for xmas if I did not know the address or living conditions what kind of fool is this man ?

granjura Mon 06-Oct-14 15:17:03

What a twit (change vowel at your leisure) .... but yes, as others have said, I would not want my children or GC to spend time at his address without knowing where and conditions. It is just not on. What if there was (and I sincerely hope not- but happens) a real emergency and you had to get to the kids? Could you talk to Social Services / solicitor about the legality of this- but of course him to paying any money. Perhaps he is living at another woman's house with her kids and supporting them (or sponging off them). Some real concerns there apart from his utter selfishness.

kittylester Mon 06-Oct-14 17:57:31

We are sure he is living on his own but has a girl friend in London. He's just being stupid. He also claimed on FB that DD was stalking him as she was seen, by a friend of his, driving down the road we think he lives on. She was looking for a house with any vehicles she might recognise to see if she could deliver a letter setting out the basis for agreement.

She refuses to go to his parent's house after his mother denied he'd been there to see the children when she had them. When DD told her that she didn't mind him seeing them there but did mind being lied too, his father physically attacked DD. She refused to call the police despite my pleas. He has, according to the Idiot, been a wife beater as long as he can remember. Although DD says the Idiot has never hit her, it does explain a lot about his controlling nature!

I must have lot more of my Mum in me that I realise because I find this all terribly embarrassing - hence the Jeremy Kyle reference. My friend's Mum used to say 'Well, they are just not like us, darling!' and I know exactly where she was coming from, despite the mocking that we did when we were young! blush