to be sick of people banging on about "confidence&quo t;?

Like sunseeker I have never been very confident & what little I had seems to have disappeared.

I never gave confidence a thought until, after we'd moved north, my then H told me the new neighbours didn't like me. After he'd gone, I mentioned this over the garden fence, and my neighbour said it was him they didn't like - found him arrogant which was certainly true. I was always proactive in getting involved - organiser of this, chair of that, secretary of the other. At retirement, I thought I'd had enough but here I am again, involved with NWR and U3A. At least I'm steering clear of politics!

I have heaps more confidence in myself and my own abilities now, than when I was younger. I think confidence increases with age.
What's all this about "mascara and a smile". I have never used mascara!!
I don't think the lack of black, lumpy lashes has affected my confidence.

ps I never buy magazines of any sort, except perhaps a crochet mag. now and then.

I feel I have the confidence to point out that the women in these magazines most likely didn't beat down the doors to the publishers demanding that they be written about. Somewhere, at a meeting, a hard bitten editorial team decided to find a new angle, a new thing to terrify women about and came up with the "confidence" theme. Body confidence, business confidence, sooner or later scone confidence will be dredged up. Have the confidence to ditch the magazines. They`re published by cynical, money making multi nationals -don't let them separate you from your dosh or your already abundant confidence! OMG did I really say that out loud, sorry everyone- confidence failure

kitty I think what your daughter is doing is fantastic. I do think building up confidence after all she has gone through must be so important - and I envy anyone who has a skill like that.

What I was trying to say Flickety is that, by setting up a business, DD is gaining confidence. At this moment she is making a F1 car to go on top of a cake!

I used to like the Australian Women's Weekly - it didn't seem to be so celeb-oriented as other womens magazines, don't know if this has changed.
And I had a big collection of their recipe books which are excellent - lent them to someone and they were never returned.

kitty Your daughter is a success story. I was not saying all such businesses featured in magazines were pin money businesses, just that many were. Cake baking does seem to be one of the exceptions. A friend's niece in the same situation as your daughter and a trained patissierre, did something similar.

So pleased for her, kitty.

Thanks * bags*!

ate are!!

Sounds good, kitty. All the best to her!

In defence of women starting their own business, since she and the Idiot split up, DD3 has been making. and selling, wedding and celebration cakes. Her business is growing well and hopefully will add to her income without her having to go 'out' to work! The prices she charges are not cheap and she has no husband behind her!

I am amazed that she has the confidence, because he destroyed that, but each time she gets an order she feels stronger in standing up to the bully and is blossoming! We ate very proud parents!

I am in my mid fifties and have found that I have certainly got more confident in the last few years,have also adopted a more "tough shit" attitude when required,not sure why .

I think confidence is like happiness—you are confident if you don't have to think about being confident.

What the hell has mascara got to do with it (or anything, really)? Pish!

It isn't being confident that matters, it is giving the APPEARANCE of being confident that does the job.

Deedaa I am with you on these articles about women and their elegant craft businesses. The fact of the matter is very few of them make much money out of them. Almost all of them have husbands that can afford to support wives who dabble in these businesses. What is more few of them have actually have employees, however artfully the article is written. Yes, a few are successful, but the majority get little more than pin money from them.

DD is a needlewoman and she started making cushions and other items from recycled materials. We did several craft fairs together. She did very little business - everyone loved her stock and then commented how they could do the same sort of thing and when they got home they might...... More importantly the price she needed to charge to make her efforts worth while were consistently well over what Dunelm Mills would charge for a cheap version of what she was doing imported from Asia. What is more we realised that none of the other stalls were doing much business either. Lots of foot fall, lots of admiration, no sales. I now read those articles with a cynical smile.

Apparently, according to the very interesting programme on Horizon recently, those 'too confident' people are called 'Men'! They are wired for fast decisive decisions, women tend to think for longer (and get accused of dithering) then take the safest option.

I agree that magazines (eg Cosmopolitan-type) often try to sell copies with articles implying that we are insecure and need to find out how to be more secure by reading their article. I used to read the articles and wondered why I ended up feeling less confident!

However I am not sure what helps people to feel confident. Being competent in various skills doesn't necessarily help, I think.

Conversely, can people sometimes be too confident? In the "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread" sense.

I have never been a confident person , I don't have any of the attributes quoted by Soutra! I cook to survive not because I enjoy it, gave up baking years ago, hate housework with a vengence and only go into the garden to sit in a chair with a good book and a glass of wine!! Once said to DH that I wondered why he had married me - he gave me a big hug and said "because you are you" (God I miss those hugs!)

Well said, Deedaa.

Reading about these women (as I do rarely) and their achievements there would seem to be a fine line between confidence and smugness.
I wonder what they are like as bosses?

I never had much confidence when I was young but gained it when I had my DC - and I always encouraged them to be more confident and assertive than I was, without being pushy or rude.

Deedaa beautifully summed up!

I'm sure it's all very lovely for these ladies who are making a new career with hand made soap, organic soups, or tasteful greetings cards hand painted on paper lovingly made in a little mill in the depths of a forest - BUT there isn't an inexhaustable demand for these things. Most of the rest of us are going to be stuck with the normal stuff. You can only wash with one bar of soap at a time, however beautifully made.

And what about the people employed by these women? Do they all feel wonderfully fulfilled?

I remember, that was when I cancelled it! A few years ago they suddenly started a whole huge section on about 5 women a month whose lives were supposed to inspire us and make us all want to be bosses of our own highly-profitable businesses. As I wanted to feel relaxed, not stressed, having not long before had to abandon my own fledgling business due to ill health, I cancelled my annual subscription.

Katyk your sister is spot on. I stopped taking W and H because the articles about these uber confident high achievers just made me feel inadequate,despite having many of the attributes that Soutra listed.

Can't remember the last time I read/bought a magazine apart from Readers Digest, so much crap rubbish