Gransnet forums


to be sick of people banging on about "confidence&quo t;?

(50 Posts)
Soutra Sun 12-Oct-14 11:57:08

Look at the fronts of many women's magazines these days (I am excluding the likes of OK, Hello!, etc as they are just sleb comics) and look at how they bang on about being "more confident"/"dressing for confidence"/" finding your confident inner self" blah, blah, blah.

Honestly - are we lacking in confidence? We have had an education, held down demanding careers and raised children, We are called on for our experience and maybe even expertise with the DGC. We know how to bake a Victoria sponge or scones and make a Christmas pudding anot to mention chutneys, marmalade and jams, stretch the budget to feed the five thousand with the contents of the back of the fridge or freezer when necessary. We can use a sewing machine, knit a baby garment, fill in a tax return, sort out most domestic emergencies . Unlike many younger people we know how to spell basic words, use an apostrophe (!) write a thank you letter and talk to a duke or a dustman should the occasion arise. We have embraced technology to the point that we send more time on Facebook than our DC. We know the words of all the "old" hymns Ancient and Modern so it is not the end of the world if we have left our reading glasses in the other handbag when we go to a wedding or a dear friend's memorial service.We also know the words to many popular songs because we knew them first time round.
So - self confidence?
Got it in spades my dears! smilesmile

Soutra Sun 12-Oct-14 11:58:43

(Don't know what happened to the thread title, should have just read banging on about "confidence" - sorry! )

ninathenana Sun 12-Oct-14 12:01:52

Here, here !

Ana Sun 12-Oct-14 12:34:15

Well, all I can say is 'speak for yourself', which of course I know you are, Soutra, but I'm certainly not proficient in all the activities you list!

Even if I were, would that guarantee self-confidence?

I think women, in particular, can have a bit of a crisis of confidence at around retirement age and I find it quite encouraging that there are apparently so many articles addressing the problem.

Mishap Sun 12-Oct-14 12:35:37

These mags are all b******s - I ignore them!

Lona Sun 12-Oct-14 12:41:48

You took the words out of my mouth Ana! Although I don't bother to read those sort of articles.

Galen Sun 12-Oct-14 12:51:28

Sponge? Scones? Jams? Chutneys? And KNITTING!
Not this domestic goddess. Prefer to earn the money and get somone else for all that!
I know my limitations and domesticity and me do not belong in the same sentence. (Or should it be domesticity and I?)

Soutra Sun 12-Oct-14 12:56:12

Crisis of confidence? *Ana. You? shockperish the thought.
I based this on the covers and inside articles of Womand & Home ( a magazine I usually have a lot of time for) over the last 3 months:
September - "Dawn French on confidence, shape and being her happiest";
October - Victoria Hislop "I feel much more confident than when I was 15", Fiona Hunter (a nutritionist) " I feel much more confident with my body shape than I did when I was younger."
November - "Confidence - how to build it, radiate it and tap into your own"
Plus some spurious so-called tips to make you more self-confident - e.g. clean hair and mascara (really?) "Arrive slightly early at events, it's the best time to meet strangers." (as long as they have also arrived early) and "Mascara and a smile".

As I see it, all these articles "identifying the problem" seem to be creating something we didn't realise we were suffering from until they told us. Come on, we have lived, been around the block a few times and can suck eggs with the best of other grannies.

Teetime Sun 12-Oct-14 12:57:28

No I'm with you. I have SIL who has always uses 'lack of confidence' to duck any task at all - housework, shopping, gardening, cooking her DH does it all while she watches TV.

On another tack I used to love Good Housekeeping but now its full of nice middle class ladies whose 'confidence' has 'soared' since starting up their own on line designer organic ear wash or some other ridiculous product.

Soutra Sun 12-Oct-14 13:03:34

Jeni OK, I should have included crocheting, white water luggie slaloming, terrorising cruise ship companies and reducing wine waiters to quivering wrecks ( "Sauvignon blanc? I don't know if we have that in the white"). My examples may not be universal, but you get ny drift (usually to starboard) smile

Soutra Sun 12-Oct-14 13:06:16

Love the example teetime!! One thing I have noticed with a lot of these "started my own business" articles - not infrequently the relevant DH seems to be misaid somewhere along the way sad

annsixty Sun 12-Oct-14 13:09:50

Teetime how much I agree with you about Good Housekeeping. I was offered a year's subscription to a magazine by my bank and I chose GH. I was so disappointed and after glancing through it just gets passed on. Soutra I am just fed up full stop of "celebs" thinking we are remotely interested in their lives,confident or not.I am too busy living my own.

Galen Sun 12-Oct-14 13:36:17

It wasn't me with the Sauvignon, it was one of you others in Birmingham. I'm ALWAYS a at my most frightening charming with sommeliers, after all, they know the best buys!

Galen Sun 12-Oct-14 13:37:43

And I usually drift towards (the) port!wine

Ana Sun 12-Oct-14 14:01:56

Wasn't it absent?

Tegan Sun 12-Oct-14 14:04:05

I don't think it's a lack of confidence. My theory is [and I'm sure I'm wrong wink] is that women can always see the other side of a debate and are more empathic than [most] men. Therefore there will always be a slight feeling of 'I could be wrong about this or that' so do not come across as being 100% about what they're saying. And tend to blame themselves a lot of the time. At least, that's how I am about most things. Isn't that why we have the thread that starts [something like] 'Am I being unreasonable about this'?

FlicketyB Sun 12-Oct-14 14:17:44

I discovered while at university that however unconfident I was, and I was, I gave an impression of being confident. I think this applies to most people. Needy people constantly worrying about their lack of confidence going on about it are usually using their perceived lack of confidence as a weapon of emotional manipulation in order to get their own way.

kittylester Sun 12-Oct-14 14:20:29

Don't we get more confidence as we get older generally?

I can't do most of the things on Soutra's list blush but it doesn't bother me NOW! I had no confidence when I was young because my mother always put us all down, all the time but DH's family were the opposite so he has given me more and more confidence over time but I think it comes with experiences as well.

Any way, I'm allergic to mascara grin

Elegran Sun 12-Oct-14 14:27:33

For me, the confidence to stop trying to put mascara on right was a sign of maturity. I stooped quite early, as I found I was like a drunken panda - not a flattering look.

KatyK Sun 12-Oct-14 14:46:26

I've never had any confidence. It is the one thing I would wish for a child to have. If you have confidence you can do anything I think. I can do lots of things but I can't say I am very confident in doing them. I have a monthly subscription to Woman & Home (it was a gift from a friend). I don't think I will renew it. I pass it on to my (very down to earth) sister. She said recently 'I appreciate the magazine, thank you but isn't it full of smug women'. I think she is right.

jamsidedown Sun 12-Oct-14 17:17:00

I think with age experience comes the confidence to admit you can't do everything and don't know everything. And teetime wonderful description of the contributors to GH mag these days. Sometimes I fancy a magazine, but never know what to buy these days smile

absent Sun 12-Oct-14 18:22:46

I think we should all have confidence in the saying "Mummy knows a lot, but Grandma knows everything". smile

Btw Wasn't me with the Sauvignon.

Ana Sun 12-Oct-14 18:24:34

Oh, sorry! grin

Deedaa Sun 12-Oct-14 18:26:57

I think most of us gain confidence from the fact that we've survived for 60 odd years and no one's found us out yet grin

Glad it's not just me going off GH and W&H. I've taken out a subscription to Jamie's magazine because I like looking at the pictures. Sometimes I even cook one of the recipes!

rosequartz Sun 12-Oct-14 19:22:18

I will confess that I am not very good at scones.