Gransnet forums


Facebook friends!

(45 Posts)
anniezzz09 Fri 14-Nov-14 09:44:54

So I used to use Facebook, I barely look at it now but I just happened to look this morning (because my bloomin' daughters message me through it) and see that someone I included in a bunch of people I decided to lose, ie. defriend has just sent me a Friend request.
Aargh, Facebook I hate it. I decided to slim down my list of 'friends' because I was feeling so annoyed at the collecting of people who are barely friends and some not at all. In fact, I only got into using it because of my daughters and one very old friend who I rediscovered through the internet and she is one of those people who just lives on Facebook.
I am though feeling embarrassed about the woman who has sent me a Friend request. I included her in the dissing because I had got to the point of being infuriated by her both because of what she posted and because of her general way of being in life (only her problems are of any account and no one can help her, we all just don't understand).
So, shall I pretend I didn't see her request blush or guiltily accept it and carry on as 'normal'. I don't see her often though she does live near me. We know each other through past work things. confused
Anyone on this forum use Facebook too, now or in the past? What do you think of it?

Lona Fri 14-Nov-14 09:49:31

I use fb, BUT I only have a few close friends on my page and my privacy settings keep out any undesirables.
You have to remember that you are in charge of your page, and you don't have to see, or do, anything you don't want to.
Used carefully, it is very rewarding.

merlotgran Fri 14-Nov-14 09:56:17

I'm fed up with people moaning about facebook. Nobody forces you to go on it. Nobody forces you to 'befriend' people you don't like.

Grow another skin.

I've only got fifteen friends on mine and one of those is a border collie!

Soutra Fri 14-Nov-14 09:56:46

I have quietly "unfriended" a few people from my past life and ignored friend requests from people I did not wish to have access to me. No guilt, no hang ups, it is entirely up to you. But if it makes you really unhappy you may wish to just give it all a rest for a bit. It can cause a lot of trouble when people feel slighted/left out/insulted/ganged up on- it can be a dangerious medium and should be used with discretion (and often with a pinch of salt)

kittylester Fri 14-Nov-14 10:03:36

I agree with all the above - just ignore any requests you don't fancy.

thatbags Fri 14-Nov-14 10:07:37

You can mute people. So accept her request but mute or unfollow her then you won't see her timeline unless you specifically want to go and look at it. I'll just go and check how it's done.

anniezzz09 Fri 14-Nov-14 10:10:06

Thanks for the replies, I feel supported in my desire to not get back into contact with the woman I mentioned. In response to merlotgran I wonder if anyone else has children who use FB to the exclusion of all else? They just don't seem to recognise email, they use Facebook messenger all the time and I don't want to miss communication with them by trying to insist they do something else. They'll phone if there's an emergency but otherwise there's all sorts of little chat things that happen no other way than FB.

thatbags Fri 14-Nov-14 10:10:44

Yep, accepting the friend request but not following her would solve the problem.

Or you could just not accept the request if you don't regard her as a friend.

merlotgran Fri 14-Nov-14 10:15:41

My family use facebook to communicate as well, annie. It's no big deal is it?

anniezzz09 Fri 14-Nov-14 10:19:43

Whether someone is a friend or not is horribly complicated by Facebook. If we weren't in contact through FB, I'd probably very occasionally meet her in the street or similar (we used to have occasional coffees but that seems to have stopped) and I'd sigh to myself while she went on about her life, try to be sympathetic and then go on my way wishing her well but basically not wanting to bump into her too soon again. Facebook seems to turn such people into next door neighbours, even if you mute them, they're always kind of there. I did do a cull of 'Friends' and I have the newsfeed of just my daughters, husband and few people I really do think of as friends (I've 'only' got 60 or so anyway!). Thorn in the flesh stuff, Gransnet is a lot more interesting!

thatbags Fri 14-Nov-14 10:20:06

Mine too. It's quite useful actually cos you can communicate with a lot of family members together wherever they are in the world.

thatbags Fri 14-Nov-14 10:21:46

I was replying to merlot

KatyK Fri 14-Nov-14 10:28:21

I agree with merlot. I choose not to use Facebook as it gave me problems, so I came off it. Simples.

Lona Fri 14-Nov-14 10:59:23

I've just used fb messaging to complain about a missing parcel for my dgd, and had an immediate reply and replacement sorted.

pompa Fri 14-Nov-14 11:07:58

I use FB every day, just as much as GN. You just need to set your security/privacy settings to just include know friends.

baubles Fri 14-Nov-14 11:14:35

I find Facebook useful however I do use the hide facility fairly often. It is also possible to customise who sees what.

If you don't see this person in real life it would be easy to ignore the request. If not then edit your settings so that you can decide what she sees and 'hide' her posts.

granjura Fri 14-Nov-14 11:30:48

I am with Merlot. With friends and family all over the world, it's a greatr way to keep in touch. I've actually 'met' relatives from the other side of the world via FB, and we all intend to meet up- which is really interesting as there was a huge rift in the previous generation.

harrigran Fri 14-Nov-14 12:02:51

I find Facebook useful but do not feel compelled to accept people as friends if I am not interested. I have one or two very young friends but don't follow them so that I do not need to see their party pictures every time I turn on the computer. I keep in touch with all family and friends in other parts of the world. This month I am going to meet two Facebook friends when they travel from their homes in America.

ginny Fri 14-Nov-14 12:46:15

I use FB too. Just friend those you want. Be sure about your settings and ignore anything you don't want. It's people who cause the problems not the site itself.

janeainsworth Fri 14-Nov-14 12:48:05

I've just come home from nearly 3 months away and FB was lovely for feeling I was in touch with family and friends.

I think it's a good way of keeping in contact with people you want to be in contact with.

But I have some old friends who don't do FB for one reason and another, they tend to not use email either and although I wouldn't cross them off my Christmas card list, I don't feel so in touch with them as I do with my friends who are on FB.

Facebook messaging is great too.

tanith Fri 14-Nov-14 13:53:03

I use FB all the time to keep in touch with family some of whom are abroad , it keeps me up to date with all their goings on and allows me into the life of a new grandson as his Dad sends little video's and pics of him to me via messenger all the time, without it I would hardly know the little chap..
I only add people I want to befriend and ignore those I don't if they don't like it , tough!!

Soutra Fri 14-Nov-14 13:59:06

So it seems we agree that FB is fine as long as we make it work for us and don't become "slaves " to it. Anyway isn't it old hat with the cool young things who all use Instagram instead?smile

kittylester Fri 14-Nov-14 14:17:47

My Sil complains that I know more about her daughter's life than she does. I find out on FB and tell her because she doesn't do FB. She complains that her DD doesn't contact her. My children and I hardly ever phone each other but we email, fb, wattsapp etc so don't need the regular once a week phone calls.

janerowena Fri 14-Nov-14 14:22:28

That's ok, they can all move over there and we can carry on using it to keep in touch with family and friends.

I do have a couple of friends whose posts have surprised me, showing sides to them that I hadn't known existed. One is divorced and no longer young and goes clubbing at every opportunity - not in a bad way but I hide her posts because there are only so many selfies of her in a crowded club I can stand. The other is obsessed by dogs and has over 1000 'friends' and likes all of their posts, I can only cope with one beaten/starved/trained to fight/stolen/rescue dog a week, let alone every five minutes.

absentgrandma Fri 14-Nov-14 17:35:54

I'm much the same as the rest of you.... good for keeping in touch with family and nice to have 'instant' photos from mobiles when the GC are having a fun day out.... especially when you live a long way away from each other. On the other hand like janerowena I do get fed-up with friends posting selfies in night clubs or on holiday...even worse when, like one 'friend' ' posting photos of every drink, from the departure lounge to the last raucous night in the hotel complex! And another friend who posts sickly sentimental verses, usually about the joy of grandchildren. Yeh I know I'm a grumpy old cynicsad