Coming to terms with 'how it is'

I agree with you harrigran - people were not as demonstrative at that time as later generations. I remember always getting a kiss at bedtime and when anyone was going out etc and we were never allowed to part on bad terms - I can remember my mother saying to me how bad I would feel if that parting turned out to be last time I saw the person - something I still think of now. I find it easy enough not to bear grudges and strangely when someone is less than nice to me for whatever reason I forget that incident quite quickly whereas a kind deed remains much more to the surface.
Unfortunately my sister and I do not have a good relationship and indeed I have not seen her or had any communication from her for about ten years. From time to time I still send a postcard or similar with a neutral message asking if she is OK and despite all the problems she gave me for most of our lives I would still welcome her should she contact me. That is just me I know and I feel so fortunate with my family and step family - any of whom I could go to should I be in need of assistance - as my sister never married I worry that she does not have that.
DH always says that listening to how I described our mother and things our parents did and the way my sister spoke about them you would think we were talking about different people. Each to their own I suppose.

Lavender welcome. Your post touched my heart. Same scenario, different journey. I stopped calling etc. After 3 1/2 yrs. she called me up telling me she has Alzheimers. I couldn't muster up a suitable response so just hung up. My brother called 18mnths. later saying we needed to rally round. I spent the next 7 yrs. helping to nurse her out of a sense of duty. For all her loss of memory, her dislike of me was apparently obvious to my siblings. When I was alone with her feeding her she just looked at me. I said to her " you're never going to have to deal with how you've tret me. This condition has given you a get-out-of-jail card and I feel cheated! I swear she knew exactly what I meant. I treat my children differently. She's dead now and guess what? I feel liberated. What I mean is life is too short to waste it on toxic people, blood or not. these are for you.

I have just been reading this thread, and it has made me realise I am not alone. I can't say any more at the moment, but am going through the process of trying to rid myself of years of guilt, and hurt at the sense of betrayal, first by a mother who drank herself to death at an early age because, as she told me, she had nothing to live for, three children, 4 grandchildren obviously weren't enough for her. And now a father who after years of looking up to, and respecting him, I have come to see him for what he is, selfish, completely self absorbed, and due to his own actions a lonely, miserable old man who cares for no-one but himself.
I do apologise for the rant, I am actually very happy with my life, two lovely children, a DiL and SiL that I love dearly, and two beautiful granddaughters, and the kind of closeness and bond that I never had from my own parents, and for that I am truly thankful, but I wish I could put the hurt in a box and throw it away.