I am 50 years old, parents fit and active middle/ late 70s. I have 4 dc and I am heartbroken that my own mother, throughout my life, would never want to speak to me on the phone, never had a discussion/chat, never wanted to be in my dc's lives and whenever she has come round, has ordered my dc to do her bidding, criticised them, my home, me, has never been to see them in any school play/match/never taken them out, not even for an afternoon.
In these years I have formed other close bonds with friends and even their parents who adore my dc and so my dc do not miss having gps in their lives as they have such positive other role models.
It is only now though in the last few months that I have stopped my regular weekly phonecalls/updates to them as the penny has finally dropped: I remember my mother telling me she felt like killing me when I was ill with whooping cough as a child (she used to get angry if we ever hurt ourselves 'it's your own stupid fault') and throughout my life she would say 'never marry or have children it will ruin your life'.
She never once comforted me or told me she loved me but it is only now after all these years that this penny has dropped because my own dc are now mostly teenagers and I love them so dearly, I cuddle them and chat with them, we have a wonderful, loving relationship.
What I am trying to say that I am having difficulty come to terms with the fact I did not have a warm and caring mother and the difference between how I am with my own dc and how I was treated is so stark I simply cannot bring myself to want to contact her anymore.
The penny started to drop when I would ask them to come and spend christmas with us year after year (they have gone on cruises twice a year and always over christmas for 15 years now, the entire time my dc have been growing up) and then one year they agreed to, my dc were so excited to be having their only gps to come and stay!only for a few weeks later (and after the turkey had been ordered) to announce that they had changed their minds after all. Reasons? Our en suite guestroom and christmas meals would not be as high a standard as what they would get on a cruise.
The hurt and devastation I feel is raw.
