Don't like family gatherings

A few years ago I took time off work to help my daughter with her toddler and new born baby [her husband had gone away on business for a few days]. One day she jokingly told me how she and a friend of hers had been laughing about the silly things their mums did [not throwing stuff awake and suchlike]. I know it wasn't meant in a nasty way, but I wanted to point out that I was using up my annual leave to help out and I was upset that they had been joking about me behind my back. I had to excuse myself and go upstairs for a while where I had a little weep. I sometimes think that our children believe that we develop a thick skin when we get old and can take people giggling about us .

I think it would be very possible to be bullied by adult children if you are on your own. Somehow being part of 'Mum and Dad' seems to have more gravitas than being just 'Mum'.

I hope my kids would never be anything like as bad as the OP's, but they can sometimes seem to gang up on me when they don't agree with my point of view. They would never want to deliberately hurt me though.

What happens to the love? Where does it go?

We love our children SO much it is only fair when "what goes around comes around".

I have commented before that I don't think I have a sense of humour. Having read some posts on here, I'm rather glad I don't. Perhaps I should put these jovial little comments down to too much Christmas sherry – it sometimes happens when people get old, especially with women. That would be a charitable response.

My DD certainly does not deserve me in her life anymore and after my DS was rude earlier to me, then I am booking an appointment with the hairdresser instead of paying for his wallpaper to make his bedroom look nice to impress his girlfriend. When will they learn? Or us, for that matter, that we have to put ourselves first and them second. I've brought mine up single handedly too but it's not done them any good for all they show the respect back. I wish I had my time over again, it would be so different. I'm first from now on before anyone.

I can put my hand up as a bad daughter. I remember saying something to my dear (now departed) Dad that I thought was hilarious. Obviously from the look on his face he didn't think so. I felt so bad. Still do when I think about and cringe. Its possible that chickenbrain`s (what does that self chosen name say about her self esteem level?) children now feel that same on an individual basis. Maybe she should offer them the opportunity to apologise. They may be appalled that they caused her to be so upset.

I'm with some of these comments about the children taking advantage of making mock of the possibly aging parent. You can hear disparaging comments just in the shops. I wouldn't put up with it but if you're lonely perhaps you'll put up with anything.
I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself as we've made a lot of effort for a combined family Xmas(not our idea) and our SIL mentioned that as flights home were very expensive but cheaper on New Years Day so he had booked them then and would be staying with us til then! Of course they are made welcome BUT we stressed the need for a four wheel drive or similar rugged car given where we were staying in the Lakes and our own little microclimate in Durham . So the plan was to walk part of Hadrian's Wall today and guess what their super duper car can't be moved because of the icy road and as our car will only take three adults and two children I'm sitting here on Gransnet. No apology or regret from daughter just taken for granted that mum will not go. I've had a fragile relationship with her this last few years and don't want to rock the boat. I feel I'm being a good host giving up my seat in the car but DH is very very p* ed off. But Hadrian's Wall will be there next week I hope. Oh however well you think you've brought them up they can be awful b***ers. Started to sympathise with OP and ended up ranting. So sorry.

And I agree with Jane 10 about choices of names ? Cretin Chickenbrain and Smileless?

stansgran
I would be heartbroken if my dc treated me this badly, it's a 'no win' situation.

Stansgran, I think you got the best of the bargain. I have winter tyres and it's sheet ice again today, so I will not even be going down to the village unless someone comes to pick me up. I cannot imagine how cold Hadrian's Wall will be today. As you say, it will still be there for us in the spring and summer.

absent. I've been trying to figure out what your post meant. (I appreciate you are most likely tucked up in bed now though)

I think my problem is getting my head round the fact that, from the minute they were born I have always put my children before everything but now their careers seem to be important and I'm now expected to put the grandchildren before everything to accommodate that. Which I do because I'd rather care for them than have them go to after school clubs etc. Yes, there is some gratitude but that is overshadowed by expectation. I do think that there is a huge difference when you're on your own rather than being part of a couple, even more so with younger members of the family that aren't in relationships.

I have of course no idea why posters have chosen the user names that they have but I can assure you Stansgran that mine has nothing to do with low self esteem.

Having been estranged from my son and disallowed from having any contact with my only grand child since September 2012, when he was 8 months old, I smile less.

Yes. I guessed it was something like that Smileless.

I don't think it's good to randomly criticise posters' names.

jinglbellsfrocks

User names are a choice.
made in a moment when signing up to use gransnet ,mine chosen as I live in Crete, Greece and is a play on the word ... Simply that alone , there's nothing wrong with my self esteem I can assure you of that .

Sometimes people make judgements without knowing all the details ... Chickenbrain,I do hope one day your adult children realise how badly they have treated you, until then be good to yourself and make yourself a priority . Big hugs x

I remember going to Crete and being on a coach with an American guide. She talked about the Cretins, and could not understand why half the tourists laughed. It was her first talk.

Cretin I understand the play on words thing but it is quite startling to see the word in print.

If you lived in Mongolia would you style yourself Mong?

Wasn't too keen on the name, either - though of course, it's the choice of the person herself.
My eldest daughter was born without a thyroid gland and luckily she was diagnosed at 3 weeks old. The consultant said if she hadn't been diagnosed until much later, she would have been a 'cretin'......hence my feelings about the word (the consultant was of the 'old school', I think and this was 48 years ago). DD is perfectly fine, by the way.

There is a new thread on why we chose our usernames over on Chat.
I'm looking forward to reading the replies!

I'm surprised the username cretin didn't break GN's rules, but as it obviously didn't we'll have to accept it.

From Crete, a person would be Cretan, not cretin, surely?

The old name for congenital hypothyroidism

I think the humour in Cretin's name has passed you by. Dear posters.

Exactly, Galen. That was how it was described to us. I don't have a problem with it, jinglebellsfrocks. I just don't see the humour in it.