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AIBU

bettering oneself

(237 Posts)
Tresco Mon 05-Jan-15 23:46:14

I have friends who live on benefits and friends who are millionaires. I really don't care what sort of house someone has, or what sort of possessions they have. I just want friends who are interesting, kind, supportive, fun.
I once was out with my daughter, aged about 12, and her school friend who had a very "posh"granny. My daughter did something at the meal (I think it was to break, not cut, her roll) and the other child child commented that his granny did that and would tell people off if they cut theirs. I told him it was the height of bad manners to criticise a guest's table manners to their face at the table. He was a bit shocked.

ninathenana Mon 05-Jan-15 23:42:12

I think at our age that boat has long sailed !

I lived in a council house until the day I got married, my best friend then and now was brought up in a large detached bungalow. Thank goodness her parents didn't try to influence her to only be friends with what they may have considered "their class"

Deedaa Mon 05-Jan-15 23:34:23

I realise now that my parents were actually quite laid back and bohemian for their time (although managing to be true blue tories at the same time) I was taught that education was the most important thing. But I was also expected to be my own person and not slavishly follow everyone else. They were happy for me to go to Art School instead of UNiversity and didn't mind when I married a lorry driver grin

janerowena Mon 05-Jan-15 23:01:18

I was taught the same thing, but soon realised at dinner parties that they were going to be very boring if I tried to enforce that rule. You were left with schooling, the price of houses, holidays, food, cinema plays and music, books - but most people still wanted to talk politics at the very least! The idea was to keep things light, happy and entertaining, not to get into rows. I had quite a few friends who stuck to the rules until they had had a glass or three.

But the thing is, times have changed and now unless you are living in the sticks and regularly attending dinners with the landed gentry - and even then they must be over 60 - then all of those rules are out of the window. You are free to be yourself.

Anya Mon 05-Jan-15 23:00:44

I pick my friends because I like them, I find them interesting, or kind, or talented, or funny or a combination of some or all of these.. I don't care what kind of house they live in, or their earning potential, or their social 'class' or anything of that nature.

annodomini Mon 05-Jan-15 22:50:16

Brought up never to discuss money, politics or religion. So what on earth did you discuss?

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 05-Jan-15 22:33:50

Bags grin

I've given up. hmm

Mishap Mon 05-Jan-15 22:29:08

There are lots of ways to better oneself and the ones that matter are not to do with wealth or status.

thatbags Mon 05-Jan-15 22:26:42

I'm still trying to better myself. It's a long job.

Marelli Mon 05-Jan-15 22:25:42

Do you think that the teacher who told you these things actually knew what he was talking about, etheltbags1? Why did you find yourself believing him? confused

durhamjen Mon 05-Jan-15 22:19:44

I find that quite sad, ethel. We brought our kids up to believe that everyone was important to society. They still think that way and so do I.

etheltbags1 Mon 05-Jan-15 22:14:57

am I being unreasonable or maybe old fashioned when I say I always want to 'better myself'.
I have brought up this subject on several different threads over the last year or so and it always seems to get some members backs up.

Did none of you find that you were brought up to respect your elders, respect and honour your parents and always be on your best behaviour.

I was brought up to do those things and never discuss money, politics or religion. I was taught to look up to those who had done well for themselves (worked hard and achieved a good status in the community) and to 'pick my friends' because being seen with certain people would not do me any favours etc etc.

I have tried to do these things and having married into a snobbish middle class family whom I hated, apart from my late DH, I sometimes questioned these values, however they rubbed off onto me and I have only recently felt I am equal to the other surviving members.

I find it hard to change now, although I don't judge people on money or jobs, I do find it hard to ignore bad behaviour and language.

In 1968 one of my teachers sorted told us that those of us who had parents who owned their own home, a fridge, car and tv were middle class and the rest of us were lower class. This guy was a labour councillor too. this inflamed my desire to better myself and although I have little in the way of money, I do consider myself to be equal to the middle classes of today. Any comments.