bettering oneself

I agree with many of your opinions, my inlaws are gone now and cannot influence me but their values still haunt me and of course what we learn at school stays with us.
The world is changing and we must change too, and having cancer makes you think things from a different perspective. This thread has given me lots to think about, thank you all

Good, I'm glad that this has helped you ethel

Very wise words indeed etheltbags thank you

This has always been a class obsessed country but I do see things are changing for my grandchildrens generation

I do feel that the idea of "bettering yourself" is a very class orientated one, particularly the way you describe it etheltbags1. I had hoped the strict idea of class was diluted into insignificance in today's world. The things you describe are things you do to show your place in society and I have to admit that I believe my friends would not judge me by that set of rules (or judge me at all) and those who would are not likely to be my friends.

However, I do want, just as no doubt your parents did, my children to have the greatest opportunities in life. My mother would have held many of your views but I was lucky that my father's views were considerably more liberal and that his background, although not wealthy, was one that held education in high esteem.

That is what I have believed I should give my children - the best education (for them) possible and the confidence to believe they should be able to go as far as they can if they were prepared to work for it. I also hope I encouraged them to be open minded about the people they met in life and not to judge the book by the cover.

Because I know what it feels like to be such a disappointment to my mum I decided that all I wanted/hoped for my girls was that they would be happy. To my mum's disgust I never pushed them into professions or high paying jobs. Today they are well rounded young mothers who love being with their children and partners. Sometimes they struggle financially but they manage. They both work part time to help make ends meet; one as a barmaid and one in a call centre. My mum thinks they've 'wasted their brains' but what's the point of having a career and/or lots of money if it doesn't make you happy. They are living life the way the want to and tbh I'm proud of the them for the way they treat their children, their partners, other people and themselves.

That is lovely vq.

etheltbags1 - what do you think you should do. I think you should do what you think, not what someone else thinks.
Your mum is doing what she thinks. You should too.

Well said Soontobe

Although I loved it at My Comp., in the 50s -very early 60s I do remember teachers saying that kids who were playing up or not achieving would end up as factory fodder.

I thought this was elitist and to be realistic a job in a factory back then was a very good option. You had a job for life if you wanted it, you had a secure income and redundancy was a word we never heard.

It wasn't all wonderful. I remember being told to "clear off" when I turned up to volunteer in a poetry reading competition.

I had a local accent and only the "posh" kids were asked to read. It was hurtful but by this time I was becoming very critical of the system and knew I could read well despite having a local accent - why wouldn't I - I lived locally.

My DH went to a Grammar School and was told off for having a local accent when reading Latin. We laughed about that because I don't think Latin was spoken in BBC English.

Luckily I think all that nonsense about the way people speak is almost a thing of the past.

Looking back i would have liked to have got rid of my northern accent. at 23 I entered a competition in Woman's Own and got through to the last 20 who would be given the chance to become a stewardess on a cruise liner. I rather fancied that to get out of Sheffield so went further and had studio photos taken ( paid for by them)and filled in a 20 page questionaire.

My mother told me not to bother. They will never take you with your Yorkshire accent.
And of course they didn't. the winners were not better looking but all from the home counties.

In Germany speaking German I have lost my hang ups about a northern accent. I've taught English for so many years it has quite faded away.

Was sent to elocution lessons and loathed every second, to 'make sure you speak like a lady'.
Pretty sure made not one iota of difference other than to put me off poetry for life.

I think that all the parents [ our own parents] generation simply wanted their children [us] to have a better quality of life. It's all changed now, but back then speech did matter, and if you were badly spoken it would harm your prospects. So, speaking properly, dressing cleanly and neatly and generally having manners was considered by all as being very important.In a different way, it still does of course, which is why teenagers at some schools are having life lessons in what to wear to turn up to job interviews and what things to say.

I agree rosesarered, however I still failed to meet my mother's expectations.....

Awww...... loopylou
I guess you can laugh about it now though.

x

When I moved down to the SW to take up a job as a MO in the DSS. My colleagues were all ex military elderly types and mocked (gently) my Black Country accent.
After 37 years down here, I think, that I have largely lost it, but a trace still remains.

I was brought up in Essex and had elocution lessons to make quite sure I spoke "proper"!

My mother's low point was when she heard some children in the street playing marbles and one said with great joy "I' 'i' i'" - work it out!

Can't, I'm afraid!

"It hit it!"

Neither can I.

It depends what is meant by 'bettering yourself'.

People who were brought up to expect a certain level of comfort may not understand the need to strive for a better quality of life than they knew when they were a child.

My parents wanted a better education for us than they were able to receive (my DM passed the scholarship but was unable to take up her place at grammar school because her family were too poor). So yes, she wanted better for us and did her very best to make sure of that.
If 'bettering yourself' means working hard to provide a better standard of living for your children than you experienced yourself then I am all for it.
No-one ever tried to influence my choice of friends and I would not have let them anyway.

If bettering yourself means a form of Hyacinth Bucket snobbery then no, no!

Falconbird I have often wondered what sort of accent the Romans had - certainly not the received pronunciation we learnt at school - I imagine it to be dramatic and poetic rather like Italian today!

I live in an area with a very strong regional accent/dialect.... if you saw Trawlermen you'll know what I mean! There's a local story of a young lady who went skiing for the first time - when she hired her ski boots she's reputed to have asked "fit fit fits fit fit?" Work it out!!

?

Translated it reads " which foot fits which foot"!!!

Hear, hear, KatyK. Its not about what we've got, it's about who we are. As for accents, even the BBC now actively encourage their presenters to use their own regional accent, if they have one. Remember the old days when they all used received pronunciation - a 'BBC accent'? Brought up in London, I had a semi-cockney accent. Unfortunately it seems to have disappeared over the years (we've moved around a lot) but in times of stress it tends to make a reappearance, me ol' cock sparrer.

I've always thought education is the way to 'get on' in life but that's not always so. I do think education brings self esteem, though, not to mention a lot of pleasure.