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AIBU

Do I trust him?

(38 Posts)
loopylou Sun 11-Jan-15 18:28:33

If he is totally alienated from his family then perhaps, because you kept in touch with his mother, you're the only one whose details he has or who links him to his mother and/or family?

Mishap Sun 11-Jan-15 18:28:06

Maybe he has some thoughts that his Mum might have left you money that he thinks should be his legacy. Just a thought - unfortunately when elderly relatives die, money can sometimes become a bone of contention.

NanKate Sun 11-Jan-15 18:24:12

Charleygirl he tells me he owns properties in Manchester, London and Spain. I won't let him get hold of my cash, but thanks for your concern.

Nonu Sun 11-Jan-15 17:36:06

Be very,very, wary, remember this is someone you haven't seen for 50 years.
sunshine

Charleygirl Sun 11-Jan-15 17:26:25

NanKate do you think that he is looking for money? That is the first thing which came into my head when I read your post. Please do not forget that you are a pensioner and times are tight. Keep your wits about you as I am sure that you will.

NanKate Sun 11-Jan-15 17:03:28

You are all of the same opinion as me.

I think he contacted me Mishap as he knew I was friends with his Mum, but didn't have my details as he is only in contact with one or two of his relatives who do not have my details.

Sometimes when there is a bereavement people want to talk to those people who knew their dead relative well.

I will be very wary though.

loopylou Sun 11-Jan-15 16:33:37

I agree with above posts, kept a distance, be polite but wary.

Mishap Sun 11-Jan-15 16:28:09

It does seem strange that he should suddenly do this - and his behaviour as you describe it is distinctly odd. I would feel inclined to keep my distance a bit - it is nice to give people the benefit of the doubt, but you are entitled to enjoy your retirement without feeling hassled.

Marelli Sun 11-Jan-15 16:24:37

Just stay aware, NanKate. You've not given him any information that he wouldn't be able to find out by himself, if he so wished, anyway. Perhaps you wouldn't want to be asking him to visit, though.

grannyactivist Sun 11-Jan-15 16:17:56

People can and do change - especially over the course of many years, but I too would be wary until, as Anya says, he's proved he's not the man he used to be.

Coolgran65 Sun 11-Jan-15 16:10:36

I agree.

Anya Sun 11-Jan-15 16:02:53

Do leopards ever change their spots? I think you're wise to be wary until such time he proves he's genuine or not.

NanKate Sun 11-Jan-15 15:59:17

A rather difficult situation has arisen.

I have not seen or been in touch with my distant cousin for 50 years and suddenly he gets in touch with me via Friends Reunited, which I haven't used for years.

He had emailed to say his Mum, one of my last living older relatives was nearing her final hours. I am very fond of her and have always kept in touch. I know at almost 90 she is ready to go so I am relieved for her.

At this point I need to give you a bit of the background story, my cousin has led a notoriously odd and unusual life which alienated him from his entire family and he has led a life of his choice with little contact with anyone we know.

I responded to his email in a positive way and he replied thanking me for being friendly. It turns out like DH and myself, he is interested in Family History. When I showed an interest he has emailed me lots of useful info which has filled in a lot of gaps about the family.

In my usual open way I told him about my family and sent him a family photo of my DS's 40th. I noticed he has made no comments at all on my bits of family news.

The bit that worries me is that he did some awful things to his parents over the years which distressed them terribly. E.G. Sending them a wreath as if one of them was dead - creepy. Silent phone calls etc.

I do not intend letting him have my phone number, but he could easily find it. He lives miles from me. I just wonder if in my usual naivety I have opened myself up to problems.

He seemed so nice in the email. I think once he has told me of his mum's death I will cease contact.

Sorry I have gone on a bit, but I felt I needed to share it with you.