Grandsons dad keeps all his clothes, and doesnt send them back

VQ DD is after supervised access only.

soontobe in our case the father is a complete scruff, lives in jeans n T-shirts which are often engine grease stained. His personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired too.

If they are smart, you may be able to shame him into what clothes he puts his son in.
If his own clothes are scruffy you will have a harder job. Perhaps you could ask him if he would like you to keep a look out for some clothes for him? And see what his reaction to that is?
And what are his wider family dressed like?

Out of interest really, what are the state of the dads own clothes?
Scruffy or smart?

Not caring for a child in nappies is neglect. Your DD needs to take advice. Keeping clothes is one thing. Neglecting a little one is something else completely.

I forgot to say in last nights post (it was late) apart from missing clothes the youngest always comes back to DD with soaking wet nappy and a rash. DD gets it clear during the week and then when he's been to dad's it's back !

He may be technically a thief, but he's the boy's dad and threatening to report him to the police might not be a good idea, especially if he's got a volatile temper!

It does seem to be that in situations like this the only realistic 'solution' is what others have suggested and what biker and her DD intend to do from now on - just don't send GS to his dad's in anything other than charity shop bargains.

Good luck - and I hope you get the dinner money situation sorted out, too!

Kepp a written record of clothes bought and clothes vanished, too and the cost of replacement.

Essentially, he is a thief if he keeps the clothes and does not return them. That is breaking the law.

I agree that you should photograph the boy as goes into his father's care and again when he returns to you. That is evidence.

Tell him that you can't afford new clothes every time he sees the boy , whatever vast (!!) sum he thinks he is paying to support him, and that it will be a police matter if he does not return what he was wearing when he arrives.

GS is picked up at GS house and dropped off back there...in the past I have got him changed from "nice clothes" in to "playing out clothes" but I have still made sure he looks presentable , I cant send the lad whos now 8 in just anything as he would be embarrassed. I suggested that on Friday when GS dad comes to pick him up that he keeps his school uniform on so that he would HAVE! to send him back in that...but! DD said he wouldn't t do! he would deliberately send him back in other clothes so that DD would have to chase around to buy new school uniform! that's the kind of games he plays, I am going to look in the charity shops and maybe pick up some clothes and put them in a bag to keep labelled " clothes for dads" !! suppose its just one of those things we have to accept..hes done it for yrs so he's not going to change now is he...he once got all and I mean all!! DD clothes apart from the ones she stood up in, !! and disposed of them (we never found out where or how) not even the police could get it out of him) and what he didn't dispose of he cut up into shreds!! in a pile! he is a sick person! thanks again all for advice .

Do keep 'before and after' photos biker - ie what he is sent in and what he returns in.

Sorry to hear about this biker. What a twerp!

We don't have that problem but the Idiot refuses to buy bedding for the children's beds 'as they are not here for long enough!'. So, every time they stay with him they look as though they are homeless waifs and strays with all their belongings in big bags!

How does the little boy go to his dad's? Does your DD drop him off? When our children go back to their mum's in 'our' clothes we insist they get changed straight away into mum's clothes because we found that if we left any we never saw them again.

DD and I were only talking about this tonight. Fortunately her ex doesn't keep trainers and coats but he has got a hoodie that DGS got for Christmas and has never worn.
When she suggested he buy them a spare set of clothes his reply "I pay you to take care of my kids, why would I need to buy them clothes as well"
I just don't understand him.

Our DD doesn't have this problem in fact just the opposite. DGS goes and comes back in the same clothes because his Father only allows him to wear 'Labels'. He couldn't possibly take his son out in an Asda T-shirt or un named trainers !

aha didn't know that seaside but he will stoop low to make himself look good!

The CSA will not take account of "dinner money" the ex pays unless it was in the period at the start of the claim before regular payments were established. I had same problem with ex but after a few years he gave up!

vamp no agencies involved.....

when yes it is a control game your right.thats the whole thing "control " he loves!

oH heck! it seems this is a real problem for many..and yes he will be doing it out of spite,,he still has this hold over DD because of GS, we are just sick to death of loosing new /good clothes, GS dad has permanent partner but she can be a nasty *! as well when she gets on her high n mighty horse...no he doesn't sell the clothes he just keeps them so GS looks smart when he has him or if he takes him anywhere (very rare occasion) it seems by reading the post there isn't much of a solution, he even sent him back last year in some 5yrs old pyjama shorts!!! he does it to wind DD up he loves it! yes I think the charity shops may be the answer, thanks for all your advice and help, and if I do come up with a! solution I shall post...thanks all.

I had the same problem with DD when she went back to her dad at weekends. I had to resort to sending her in second hand things, they were just about ok, and told her what I was doing so that she would tell him. I never did find out what was happening to her clothes. She said they were taken away to be washed.

The worst time was when I had just bought her a nice big long boucle-knit charcoal grey pullover, which was fashionable at the time. Ex's girlfriend stole it and wore it as a mini-jumper!

The same thing happens when my great-grandson goes to his dad's every weekend, biker. It's not quite as bad now as it used to be, but I was finding that I was buying new jackets and wellingtons, etc almost every couple of weeks to help my grand-daughter out. The wee one would go to his dad's in his good clothes then come back in worn-out dirty things. When DGD phoned to ask where the clothes were, he said that they'd probably been left at his little cousin's house when he'd stayed the night there. The little cousin then ended up with the nice new clothes..... I told DGD if it kept happening, I would be going to her ex's house to get the clothes for myself. I haven't had to do that yet, but I would, if necessary. Maybe DD's mentioned that to him, I don't know!

It isn't fair to make the child suffer, if he is taking clothes and not returning them I would have to question whether he is a fit parent. What next ? taking the food from his child's mouth.

Get a camera, one that puts a date and time on the photographs, photograph the child outside the house when he is dropped off and again when he is collected.

When you have enough photographs see a solicitor or send the evidence to cafcass if appropriate.

Are any agencies involved?

Your DD needs to send him a registered letter telling him in no uncertain terms that the child should return home in the clothes he arrives in.