Grandsons dad keeps all his clothes, and doesnt send them back

biker He's doing it for a reaction and I would give him one too,arrive at the door as GS is due to come home and ask him for all the stuff he has got belonging to your little man,tell him you are running short of clothes and he wouldn't want his child to go around looking scruffy would he ? shame him into doing it then send little chap in clothes you can afford to miss for a few weeks,the charity shop idea is a good one try that,the mentality of some of these men amaze me your DD is well shut of him he sounds as though he is still trying to control things.

My friend's SIL used to experience a clothes thing with his ex, the little chap would come for a weekend/week's holiday wearing too small, scruffy clothes. Dad would take him out and buy a new wardrobe including jackets/shoes but when he appeared the following fortnight he was wearing old scruffy clothes again. His dad was extremely conscientious and paid a substantial amount to the mother every month. What is it with the clothes thing? Are they purely taking advantage of the other parent or is it a control/power play?

biker my DD's ex often does this - some sort of control game that only he plays. She asks for the clothes back and when she eventually gets them, they have not been laundered and have sometimes become too small to be worn again. The only thing that has worked so far is her requesting the items back when her new partner (of 14 months) is with her to pick up the children. She wouldn't do this at first, but their relationship is on a permanent footing now. Such a shame that a 6'3" bloke has to be present to prevent the ex playing these control games, though.

bikergran we had this problem with my daughters ex. It was really upsetting to both of us. He'd come back looking like a tramp and smelling worse because he'd wet the bed and been unable to wash. We soon learnt never to send him in his school uniform or good clothes. We scoured the charity shops and kept them for visits to his dad's He once forced the little lad stand on doorstep shivering on a cold icy winters day, because he wouldn't say to cafcass that he wanted to come and live with him. Why some parents use their children as ammunition to hurt their ex partners is beyond me. I hope things improve for you all.

Do other belongings of your GS go missing too?

bikergran I have an 8-year old GS, so I 'know' the age. Could you get your GS to simply wear the same clothes all weekend? Perhaps prime him to, when he gets undressed, to put the clothes he went in back into his overnight bag/case and fish them out to wear again on Saturday and Sunday?

That way they'll come back home and even if a bit grubby it will be better than the clothes yoh describe him coming back in. Perhaps a change of underwear though?

Having said that, when my 8-year old GS went to cub camp for 5 days his mother packed 5 pairs of underpants and when he returned he was wearing the same pair he went in and the clean ones hadn't been worn. Boys!

biker, I'm horrified!

Why do you think DD's ex does this? Is it just out of spite or does he sell the clothes on eBay?

The worst thing is that your poor GS must know it isn't right - you say he won't dare say anything to his dad so it sounds as though he's scared of him (or at least his anger).

Can't your DD ask her ex about the clothes and trainers? It sounds as though he's just enjoying getting away with it...

Whatever is he doing with all his kit? - does it finish up on ebay or the nearest car boot?

Couldn't your DD pick him up on Sundays and stand on the doorstep saying she will take his luggage too?