Holidays with adult children

Next year is our 50th, and we thought that, as part of our celebration, we thought we would would rent a house big enough to accommodate our two, their respective partners and their offspring, so that's nine in all, somewhere we lived for a while and have spent a lot of happy times since. We have a place in mind and will have to book it soon, even for next year. Since we first broached the idea, I keep having misgivings about it. We have spent time away with them as families individually, and sometimes that has been a bit of a strain, but never all together, and I wonder if there might be tensions. DS's stepchildren are now young adults. Will they be bored to tears (there's not a lot to do in the country)? DS can be extraordinarily grumpy and is only used to DD's young son in small doses. Will he really want to spend a week in his wonderful, hyperactive, noisy company? DD gets tense sharing a house with just the two of us. What will she be like with a houseful? Will we all be walking on eggshells? Should I really be so exercised by it all? DH thinks I am being completely stupid. After all, they will all be free to go home at any time and so will we if it all goes pear shaped! It could, of course, be perfectly wonderful, but I approached all this in a rosy glow which is rapidly dimming!

I always used to dream of having family holidays in North Cornwall, with days spent on the beach and in the rockpools with any grandchildren that arrived, but it doesn't seem to be happening [the holiday, not the grandchildren]. If it did I think the secret would be flexibility in daytime stuff but making a point of having a lovely family meal each evening. Maybe that's the cause of the problem in that I'm not exactly renowned for my cooking skills .

I'm pretty sure that I could have a wonderful holiday with my daughter – but it would just be the two of us. She's keen too – as long as I pay.

We've been away with DS and family twice (walking in Italy) and had a fabulous time. DH and I babysat so they could have some time to themselves and we agreed that if they wanted to go somewhere without us for the day, that was fine. Very easy going and had a wonderful time.
Costs were split between us, no problem.

We love going on holiday with the family ( 16 or 18 of us! ) This summer we have booked a french villa with a pool which sleeps 20. The kids will have a great time playing together in the pool and garden,table tennis badminton. We draw up a little rota for shopping , cooking etc, with 2 people each day being responsible for the evening meal, we do a "come dine with me " challenge so they have to do the starter, main course and dessert plus devise the entertainment . We then give them a score! We have had disco nights, wine tasting, tennis tournaments etc hilarious. If couples, families want to go off and do their own thing for the day that's fine. It's only for a week and OH and I are lucky enough to be able to enjoy holidays together at other times in the year.,

I'm on my own so am very glad that I have a holiday with my children once sometimes twice a year. We hire a bite in France, share all expenses and chores and do some things together and some separately for the week. There's me, my elder daughter husband and two small daughters and my youngest daughter. Her partner comes sometimes and sometimes not as she has a job with quite a lot of international travel and she's not always available at the same time. They have a holiday separately in the summer, we go October and / or Easter together. Last year I had a four day coach holiday with my best friend who is divorced like me. We are doing the same this year have booked for Easter and really looking forward to it and next week I have a long weekend booked with some other friends to a hotel in Cornwall. I love my holidays with my children and we all get on really well. They enjoy them with me because they don't have to put up with their fathers presence any more!

If you go in holiday with the family it is a different sort of holiday and quite tiring. It probably works best if it isn't your only holiday.
I agree that going on holiday when you are the only non skier is very boring. My husband doesn't ski and hates the cold, so he stays at home while I go with family and then everyone is happy!
Skiing is a lovely one to go with a family, if you all ski, because everyone knows what to expect from it and you know what you are going to do everyday.

I have always envied families that holiday together. My DD and her family have never shown any inclination to want to holiday with us They prefer to go with friends.

When my MIL was widowed we included her in our holidays but only every third year reasoning that her other two children could provide her with a holiday in each of the years. She was incapable of managing a holiday on her own even though she was not 60. we also included my widowed mother when her un married brother and sister would let her. Ten years ago DD1 had a baby and as both she and her husband worked in the US with very brief holidays and then moved to Europe with childcare closed for a month in the summer and now 8weeks vacation we do a lot of holidays with children and occasionally with their parents but mainly settling in for a day or two. Dd2 has small children and when we can help we have arranged holidays for them all so they can have time off but last year they holidayed twice with out us although inviting us and have booked again but we are not included which is a bit of a relief as I don't feel guilty. We rented a big house in the Lakes at Christmas for everyone(their suggestion)where there were enough activities to keep people apart or together as much as they wished. That worked .

In the past our family has had several great holidays with two other families, none of us related, which was probably why it worked!

DSs families come and stay at our second home, but they do see it as their home as well. Not sure about all holidaying together in a different place.

They do go with DILs parents, but we never hear about what has gone on. I wonder??

We are happy with things as they are and enjoy our own holidays, maybe a bit selfishly! x

If I am doing a villa holiday in France there is no way that I would get there without all the rest of the family. DS and his family do adventure holidays on their own, motor home round Iceland and walking holidays in Scotland.
DD spends half of her working life in other countries so she is quite happy to enjoy a family holiday in the south of France too.
Different times, my parents never took me on holiday

For five years, I've been on holiday with DS1's family, mostly in France, in their touring caravan. As I'm a single gran, it's probably easier than it would be with an attached grandad. I get on well with all the family and it's been interesting to see the changes in the children as they have grown more and more independent. This year they are taking tents to Corsica and have had the sense not to ask me to accompany them! However, my DS2 took me on a city break to Rome last month and we had a very good time together. We have a lot in common and he speaks surprisingly good Italian and turned out to be well informed about the antiquities I was interested in.
My conclusion? Enjoying a holiday with family members depends on mutual interests and mutual tolerance.

jo1book- you are very welcome- happy to help with more info on the Swiss resorts I mentioned if you'd like. Again, I'd say why not take along a friend or relative who will be with you to enjoy the other 'non-skiing' activities- would that solve the feeling left out thing?

Howjado, sorry you had a miserable time in a ski resort. About 16 years ago, when DS1 and his then fiancée were managing separate hotels in a Swiss resort, they organised accommodation for me. I didn't ski but loved the ambiance of the village, the free transport around it and the walks in different valleys. They arranged a pass for me to go up to the top where I drank hot chocolate and watched them ski-ing and boarding down over moguls. In the evenings there was good food and .... er ... drink! It was a year when there was a visible comet and the clear skies were ideal for watching it.

Which resort was that Anno?

Off to Adelboden on Saturday- never been there- to meet DDs, sil, GCs and a few London families. Can't wait.

Enjoy you skiing, Granjura! x

Thanks- how kind. Not sure how much skiing my knee will allow me- I rely on perfect technique and 62+ years experience - but will only ski if snow and conditions are excellent- and will keep away from moguls and black slopes. I imagine I shall be doing plenty of teachig little ones and the beginners in the group...

I have only been to Adelboden for a day, but it is lovely!

That was Verbier, granjura. Plenty of practice for my OU French and lots for non-skiers to do. I took my hiking boots of course.

Oh wow- we always stayed in Nendaz ourselves, ever since the kids were little- to ski the Verbier area. Cheap self-catering flat though- never a Hôtel;)

Struuuf- they got on the M25 and realised little GD's passport is out of date! Fortuantely they got onto the Tunnel, and hopefully they will be let in Switzerland tomorrow. Our neighbour is head of border post here- and has given me his number so he can talk to the post where they will be crossing- just in case they make trouble!

DD spent the winter of her gap year working in Nendaz granjura - and loved it!

Did you see the report in the paper this week of the man who had his passport stolen when he was in, I think, one of the Canary Isles. The airline let him board and travel back to the UK with just a photocopy of his bus pass!

What? His bus pass? When daughter had to move out of Canaries in an emergency, she had to get an emergency passport from the Embassy before she could get on a plane!

Mind you, when my mum made her last visit to the UK, for DD1's wedding- in 1999- she was in a wheelchair with airport assitance, and my dad at ther side. She gave her passport and they say 'but Mrs G. your passport is 8 years out of date' she took the guy's hands and smiled, and said 'don't be silly young man, I am going to my grand-daughter's wedding- surely at my age, these things don't matter any more' - he smiled back, bowed and said 'here you go Maam and have a lovely time'.

Anyhow, the got through and onto the Shunnel no problem- spending the night on the way, and should be crossing into Switzerland about 12am- all fingers crossed.

Which year was that Rose? Can you remember where she worked?
We will all be going there again next year, as it is 'our' favourite family resort, for DH's 70th BD.

About 25 years ago DM and my sister travelled together to DS's house in France. When the date of return to the UK arrived, DM, who was travelling a day earlier than DS picked up DS's passport by mistake and travelled back to the UK (by ferry) only realising the mistake when she got home.

DS then had to do the journey back the following day, knowing she was travelling on DM's passport and hoping no-one would notice and she would not attract attention. She said it was the stressful journey she ever made. She got back to the UK without incident!

Jo1book - I have had many years' experience of going on skiing holidays as a non-skier.
We started when our sons were in their early 20s/ late teens. They had both been skiing with school and loved it. DH had always wanted to have a go, so he took it up aged 57. He's very sporty and took to it like a duck to water (or should that be penguin to ice?). Unfortunately I have unstable knees and skiing is the worst thing for them.
So, this is what I have found....
1, Pick your resort very carefully - little consideration is given in the brochures (or in most resorts) to non-skiers. We usually went to Austria - I would recommend Seefeld as there is cross-country skiing, organised walks (with and without snow shoes) a big leisure centre, lovely shops and a good train service to Innsbruck (which is a lovely city). If you're going to Zell am See, which is another good resort with lots going on, check out the Hotel Romantik - a beautiful hotel with a fantastic spa.
2. You need to be independent - I have sometimes teamed up with other non-skiers, but it doesn't always happen. It can be a bit intimidating finding your way around ski resorts on your own as they are so built around skiers, but I enjoyed exploring and seeking out restaurants and bars that we would all go to in the evenings.
3. Don't think you can spend all day in the sauna/ health spa, as most of them don't open til 4pm when the skiers start returning from the slopes (most unfairly!)
4. Consider going with a holiday company such as Crystal or Inghams as they will have organised trips you can go on.
5. Keep yourself occupied or you just spend all day worrying about who has injured themselves or got lost on the mountain. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief at the end of each day!
5. Take a good book or two and just enjoy relaxing by a roaring fire with a hot chocolate and strudel!
I really enjoyed our holidays and have seen some amazing sights I wouldn't have otherwise. Hope that helps!