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Holidays with adult children

(51 Posts)
lavendergreen Wed 11-Feb-15 18:52:42

My DH always wants to invite our adult children to our holidays and, much as I love them, I don't want them there. We have three kids and they are in their mid to late twenties now and all earn well so can afford their own holidays. After decades of hectic family holidays, I just want to have quiet holiday time with my DH from now on, so AIBU??

kittylester Wed 11-Feb-15 18:53:49


FarNorth Wed 11-Feb-15 18:57:00

Yanbu. Probably your DC wouldn't be keen on the idea either.
Have you explained the above to your DH?

Leticia Wed 11-Feb-15 19:00:00

You could always have more than one holiday.

Juliette Wed 11-Feb-15 19:01:50


Mishap Wed 11-Feb-15 19:03:45

We occasionally go on holiday with the whole crew - we are doing so in May. We have hired a group of cottages and we will share the cooking and the child care. It is one sort of holiday. We also go away quietly on our own.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 11-Feb-15 19:08:51

No, of course you're not being unreasonable, but I'd much rather have one or two of the kids with me rather than just DH. #boring

tanith Wed 11-Feb-15 19:09:09

We love sharing holidays with my kids and grandchildren and do so most years.. but OH and I also have a holiday and as many short trips away as we can manage each year on our own...
So no not unreasonable at all.

jinglbellsfrocks Wed 11-Feb-15 19:09:50

shock Maybe your DH thinks it would be boring with just you! shock

soontobe Wed 11-Feb-15 19:10:03

ooh tricky!
My DH and I would both love this.

I think that you should win on this occasion. And may be a couple more times.
But I dont think that you should "win" every year.
I think that his wants should come into it as well.

ninathenana Wed 11-Feb-15 19:16:01

We took DD and two under fives away last year plus adult single son. We had a great time. DD and DS went out in the evening a couple of times leaving DH and I to babysit, our idea.
However, DH and I do usually holiday alone which we thoroughly enjoy. NYRNBU DH should see your side of things.

FlicketyB Wed 11-Feb-15 19:28:11

DD, who is single and childless, comes to our holiday home in France with us twice a year for about 10 days. We love having her with us and she is good and relaxing company, but we do have holidays without her - as does she without us.

This summer we are having a big family holiday in France with DS, DDiL and DGC. It will be great fun and we are already planning places to go and things to do.

If I only had one big holiday a year, I do not think I would want my children with me every time.

rosequartz Wed 11-Feb-15 19:37:01

We rarely see two of ours so some holidays are spent with them and we look forward to that.
And we have weekends away with the other lot who live nearby - great fun!

I do enjoy a week or two away with DH on his own, though, as we do things we want to do. But it doesn't happen very often as most of our holiday cash is spent on visiting the two overseas.

If you see them all the time then a break away with just the two of you INU

hildajenniJ Wed 11-Feb-15 19:48:50

Heck no! I would not want to have a holiday with my grown up children. In fact they stopped wanting to come with DH and I when they were teenagers.

rosequartz Wed 11-Feb-15 19:51:01

If you see them all the time I can understand that, but if they live overseas?

granjura Wed 11-Feb-15 20:18:50

indeed- our lot all came for Christmas from the UK, and we will all be together for a skiing holiday next week. We all help each other, babysit the grand-kids so that kids and partners can go out and enjoy themselves. But we are very lucky that we will all have at least 1 holiday on our own later in the year- and they will have their own as a family or with friends.

Never ever a routine, expectations or obligations, from either party though. We know people who have a big family holiday every year- and it can become resented and a bit of a chore, to be honest, especially for partners.

jo1book Wed 11-Feb-15 20:32:42

Interested in your skiing holiday next week. My husband is taking two granddaughters with their father skiing next week. Skis three times between Jan and March - not bad for 75.
My point is that next year he is taking daughter and her sons (got to keep it fair) and talks about me going too. Is it worth my going if I don't ski. Any suggestions.

merlotgran Wed 11-Feb-15 20:35:11

We tend to holiday on our own now as we prefer the slower pace. I do miss the daft board games in the evenings though.

Howjado Wed 11-Feb-15 21:16:59

jo1book- I used to go on ski-ing holidays even though I do not ski. My family are going next week but I will not go. This is why.

After breakfast they all got kitted up and went off ski-ing for the day. I walked round the village. It took all of 40 minutes. Of course it depends on the resort you go to. Yours may have many shops and a health spa etc.

At lunch they met up and had a nice meal on the piste, sitting in the sunshine with fantastic views. I sat on my own in a cafe.

When they came down off the mountains they spent all evening talking about the places they had been and the runs they had done. I had no idea where they were talking about and felt left out.

One year I purchased a ski pass and went up the "first level". This was nice. I could sit in the sunshine, have a coffee and watch the skiers on the nursery slopes. Then I would find a walkable path back down to the village or return on the cable car.

The family wanted me to see a village they are always raving about. So we planned a route there by cable car. It only involved me doing a short walk down the slope into the village. No problem catching the cable car to the first level but after queuing for the second leg of the journey and actually taking my seat, I was told by the lift operator, in no uncertain terms, to disembark because I was not wearing skis!

I got off but the family of course continued on their journey. I walked home and spent another miserable day alone. This is why I am not going again.

granjura Wed 11-Feb-15 21:26:57

jo1book- of course it is. But the choice of the resort should have you in mind. Some resorts are just that- a ski resort with nothing else. Others are real small towns, with lots of other things. Thinking of perhaps La Clusaz or Chamonix, in France, or Champéry in Switzerland. But many are also spa resorts- with hot pools and treatments, massages, etc. In Switzerland for instance, Loèche-les-Bains (Leukerbad) or Ovronnaz above the Rhône Valley. There are many in Austria too, like Bad-Gastein.

You could also go to a resort with good cross-country skiing- which wou could do at a very gentle pace, or snow-shoeing.

Are you limited to half-term holidays? Not looked at the dates for Easter next year- but if it is early, it is a good time to go as snow is still good but lots of sunshine. Happy to advise by pm if you wish.

granjura Wed 11-Feb-15 21:37:07

How about another adult who does not ski come with you. Be it another adult 'child' or relative, or friend? So that you can enjoy walking, spa'ing, shopping, etc, with someone else. In Switzerland, for instance, public transport is fabulous- and all the resorts are linked by postal bus to the train stations in the Valley floor- so from Ovronnaz, for instance- you can get to Montreux for the day, visit the amazing Chateau de Chillon- and other spa resorts which are dotted all over the place.

jo1book Wed 11-Feb-15 22:15:44

I fancy the spa resorts and Bad Gastein has been suggested. You confirmed my fear of feeling left out so will give some thought. Everyone I go with will ski, so on my own. I don't mind if I can swim.
We are going to Austria for a summer holiday this year, nr. zell-am-zee, and I am hoping to check the local spas. We will see. Thank you, granjura, for such a full report. Much appreciated.

grannyactivist Wed 11-Feb-15 22:46:58

In answer to the OP I'm not really sure.
If you only have one holiday then no, it's not unreasonable to want a relaxing time with just your husband. On the other hand if you are able to get away by yourselves in addition to having a holiday with your children, then I think you and your husband will have got what you want if you do both.
I have an annual holiday with my parents in law and my adult children and grandchildren and love it, but you're right, it isn't always a relaxing time if we're in a self catering place. My husband and sons are really good friends so his holidays are definitely enhanced by their presence.

mrsmopp Thu 12-Feb-15 00:42:10

We often have weekend city breaks with ours, which we all greatly enjoy, but would say no to anything more than a long weekend.

rubylady Thu 12-Feb-15 02:13:00

My mum began after we got married by asking for us all to go on holiday together but I wasn't keen. I liked the time to reconnect with my OH as he was busy working the rest of the time and holiday time away was different. So we went, just the two of us, then the three of us, then the four of us, then the three of us (after the divorce), then the two of us (when DD left home) and now I go alone, (with my doggie) and I love it. I wouldn't want my DC to come with me or the DGC. It is my time now for some peace and head space. It may be different when my DS leaves home but at nearly 18 he is enough to handle at home. Thank goodness for the new girlfriend!

My brother joined me on my break the other weekend and it was lovely. It was about 28 years since we slept under the same roof and it was nice sharing some time together, especially the hot toddy he made and night chat. it is wonderful to re-kindle some relationships that had slipped slightly when we have all been busy bringing up baby but they are all grown ups (nearly) now and so we can spend some precious time together again, without our broods. smile