ESTRANGEMENT- The silent epidemic! Let's get this out of the cupboard.

Starlady "But I don't think there of much help to the gms here who have been co for 6, 7, 8 years, etc. Isn't it kind of "too late" then? Most of them seem to have already begun to move on and are beyond trying to figure out what dd's or dil's pov might be."

I disagree, GPs can always grow and learn. Nobody is too old to learn. But, this post is not all about the "fun and support group" others have issues too.

Starlady "Oh, but yeah, I think some of the less extreme posts could give a lot of insight to some gps who are in difficult relationships with their ac or cil or are on the verge of being estranged. Perhaps they could even help those who have only been co for a short time."

Yeah, this post is not about the group who "have fun and support". This post is more general. Insight!

I don't know if OH's brother gave tongue in cheeky posts?

Oh, but yeah, I think some of the less extreme posts could give a lot of insight to some gps who are in difficult relationships with their ac or cil or are on the verge of being estranged. Perhaps they could even help those who have only been co for a short time. But I don't think there of much help to the gms here who have been co for 6, 7, 8 years, etc. Isn't it kind of "too late" then? Most of them seem to have already begun to move on and are beyond trying to figure out what dd's or dil's pov might be.

I can't imagine doing that to my mum either. But just from quickly looking at some of the linked posts (just skimmed, so far, some of them are very long), I can see some things that would lead some ac to do this. I don't know if any of the ladies here feel they have crossed boundaries like some of these mums and mils. Things like insisting on coming over unannounced, etc. So I don't know if it fits their situations or not.

Some of the posts are very extreme though. I doubt any of the lovely gms that come in here have committed anything like not letting the young couple go off on their honeymoon, etc.

The advice on "how to handle the milfh has got to be tongue-in-cheek, yes, Araabra?

Also, I don't know if you realize it, but we can't access the cafemom forum that you linked unless we join it. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm not joining a site or a group just to check out a discussion or 2.

I don't think I could, in all conscience, ever stopped my mum from seeing my daughter
I just know it would have absolutely broken her heart, and I couldn't think of anything she would have done to merit that. (Although we had our fair share of disagreements)

I'm not estranged either, but, like MissAdventure, know people who are. It's very painful for them, no matter how it came about.

True, no one has "rights" to someone else' children, not even us gps. But feeling sad and hurt that you've been co from those gc isn't the same as feeling "entitled" to see them. Imo, it's just about feeling rejected and longing to be with people you love.

But do gc have a "right" to a relationship with their gps or other extended family? That's the only thing I see about "rights" in the op, Araabra. It's a question worth exploring, I think.

Haven't checked out any of those links yet, but will soon. And I imagine that some of those stories give some clues about what goes wrong between the generations and what can lead up to cos. I don't think it matters if no one in them has been co yet. But maybe I'll change my mind after I read take a look.

I'm still a mum!
Actually, had my mum and I fallen out, I would have let her see my daughter, as they absolutely adored eachother. I'm not sure I would call it a right as far as my mum was concerned, but I would certainly feel it was my daughters right to have a very loving Nan.
I can't think of any circumstance that would have made me cut contact between them, as I wouldn't feel I had the right to do that.

MissAdventure "I have only seen the ladies here expressing grief for their estrangement, not speaking obsessively about their "rights"."

Maybe you should read the OP. And comments about "rights".

When you were a mum, did you honestly believe anyone except you and your partner had "rights" or was entitled to anything regarding your child?

I have only seen the ladies here expressing grief for their estrangement, not speaking obsessively about their "rights".

There is even one swine of a granny who "only" knitted a pair of booties for her grandchild that didn't even fit!

MissAdventure "I wouldn't insult those adult children by calling them "woe is me" threads, any more than I would insult the ladies here"

I don't find it insulting. I did not say it first, and I haven't post it again, because some on GN seem to dislike that expression for their own reasons.

"We are all human: we are none of us perfect, and it perfectly reasonable, and not at all 'entitled' to imagine that ones family will remain relatively close over the years. Its normal to feel sad, bereft, and totally heartbroken should that not be the case."

And I disagree, I find it very entitled to feel one has rights to other adults or their children.

Differing POV, widely held by the younger generation.

By the way.. some wonderful advice in those posts.
1. Pretend to cry to upset your mum-in-law.
2. Pretend to listen to her but don't really.. etc
Just imagine, whole sites dedicated - almost an epidemic, I'd say.

You know celebran, I purposefully stay away from your "fun and support post" because, as you have pointed out, it pertains to how you want to believe and how you choose to run your life. But that doesn't mean on a post that is not all about you and your vision for your life, that posters can't point out to the OP errors in thinking, new POVs, and how to try to get along with children's partners (gateways to other people's children, the highly desired(?) gc. I'm not the only one who wonders about entitled GP.

I'm not estranged from my daughter or grandchildren, Araabra. We are very close (without being cloying, or entitled, obviously)
There is absolutely no difference in the posts in your links, and of course I can see the points of views that are shared there
Some grandparents are a nightmare, some adult children are too. Its that simple. I wouldn't insult those adult children by calling them "woe is me" threads, any more than I would insult the ladies here
We are all human: we are none of us perfect, and it perfectly reasonable, and not at all 'entitled' to imagine that ones family will remain relatively close over the years.
Its normal to feel sad, bereft, and totally heartbroken should that not be the case.

Arrabra u not seeing the link about trolls?
I do think it will be interesting for U

MissAdventure

Do you go onto those posts you've just linked, Araabra?
No, I asked OH to ask his brother for the dil POV sites from his wife.

Seriously, those posts seem just as "entitled" as you like to put it "My mum in law chooses favourites" I suppose the answer could be that mum in law is entitled to do as she pleases? Maybe daughter in law shouldn't feel entitled to be included? Nobody is entitled to mum and dad's children except mum and dad. Nobody is entitled to other people's children. If people were entitled to other people's children they would hire a solicitor and receive visitation.

I'd like you to be able to see the other POV, but I haven't insulted you by asking what it is you could have done to cause your own unhappy estrangement. Opening a mind to new thoughts is not a bad thing. I think bippity was spot on telling you about the dil sites.

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Arrabra

Here's a link. Article in today's mail a troll prosecuted from Facebook is found guilty
Her posts we found to be insulting and damaging first case apparently
sorry U will need to find it mail online sure u will

Food for thought? For you maybe?

Miss adventure ?????way to go!

Do you go onto those posts you've just linked, Araabra?
Perhaps you could give them advice as to where they're going wrong too?
Seriously, those posts seem just as "entitled" as you like to put it
"My mum in law chooses favourites" I suppose the answer could be that mum in law is entitled to do as she pleases? Maybe daughter in law shouldn't feel entitled to be included?

My OH's brother's wife linked me to her EGP posts. Have a jolly good time.

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