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financial fairness

(6 Posts)
Grandma2213 Mon 23-Feb-15 00:27:06

My son has to live with me as he has no money (actually £35 per week) after paying his ex partner maintenance for 3 children and paying off debts incurred during their relationship, including paying to set her up in business. He has paid 25% of his income and now discovers from CSA it should be 16% and has to break this to her. I am dreading her reaction. We look after one child 3 nights per week and 2 children 2 nights a week with all of them 3 nights in school holidays and Bank Holidays. I have a pension and help to pay for school shoes, clothes, presents for parties, trips etc. She says he cannot see the children if he does not pay so I feel pressured to make their lives easier and I do not really begrudge this as I have looked after them since birth and I love them dearly. I have to add that she goes out drinking every weekend, buys new clothes for herself and goes on holiday abroad several times a year and we struggle to find free activities for the children at weekends. I know there are no answers to this situation (except winning the lottery!) but feel that I have to unload before I crack. Sorry folks!

Mishap Mon 23-Feb-15 09:40:33

I should go buy that lottery ticket if I were you!

What a good thing you are there to support those lovely GC and give them some stability.

annodomini Mon 23-Feb-15 09:59:45

'She says he cannot see the children if he does not pay.'

Can she do this? Does he have an access agreement? If not, why not? I suggest a visit to the CAB to find out his rights and if he can find a solicitor who will give a free preliminary interview, so much the better.

annodomini Mon 23-Feb-15 10:04:12

This is a useful page from the CAB web site

tanith Mon 23-Feb-15 10:25:43

She really can't stop him from seeing the children and how awful of her to even threaten it.
You are doing a sterling job as the others have said but he does have rights and seeing his children is one of them..

Grandma2213 Mon 23-Feb-15 16:39:35

We have now had this situation for over 2 years. She threatens solicitors and never goes through with it. When he points out his rights and says he would go to a solicitor she changes her mind and we have a few weeks respite. She point blank refuses mediation and will not sign anything. She refuses to answer texts or her phone unless it is to be abusive so it is really hard to make arrangements. What I find unforgivable is that she gets my 8 year old grandson to pass messages to Daddy on his phone! (not abuse thank goodness)
Yes she has stopped him seeing the children because she says he hasn't paid enough and he is a *** useless father and she will tell them that. However when she wants to go out she then relents and gets him to pick them up. She changes arrangements at the last minute and demands that he does what she wants or she will come and drag the children away or will not let them come at all. He does not want them to witness her screaming at him. This has happened both out in the street and once in the house in front of her own family on Christmas Day. This was so traumatic for him and the children who were sobbing and putting their hands over their ears, that none of them have ever forgotten it. Even her own mother was horrified.
We have never said a bad word about her in front of them and never would as of course they love their Mum. However they love their Dad too so we have to try and maintain the status quo. I don't think there is an answer but thanks everyone for listening to me rant!!!!