AIBU never to forgive

Good to have you back VPQ and I hope you are feeling better and stronger every day. You may or may not feel like forgiving this false friend as time goes on and only you will know when, if ever. Dwelling on her betrayal, however, is horribly inward turning and damaging, so better, if possible, to dwell on the good things in your life. From reading some of your posts in the past, it is clear that you do have the strength to overcome setbacks but, like most of us, you need some recovery time.

Lots of good advice on here vampirequeen so all I would say is rant away on here and have another huge (((hug))).

Forgiveness often helps the person who has been hurt, but that doesn't mean that the person who has done the hurting shouldn't bear the consequences. In your case Vampire I would chalk it up to experience and then try to move on. I would text (or ask your husband to text) and say that in light of past events you don't want to continue with the relationship and ask her not to make contact again. Ignore any further contacts.
On a happier note, it was a really horrid situation and you got through it; maybe by the skin of your teeth, but here you are and getting stronger. Well done!
(Whinge away - we're listening.)

VQ I am sorry this has happened to you but you must accept that you did the right thing in helping her and that the problem is hers not yours. I have been hurt in small and, in one case, a big way but I do not want to turn into one of those suspicious people who never trusts anyone. I will continue to put myself out there and if I get hurt again so be it. I will not change my personality as a result of another nasty person.

I know people who are complete takers and this person sounds just like one. Some of them I like in spite of it and some I just avoid. You can do the same if you get yourself into the right mindset. I know how hard it is but give it time and you will get there.

IMO you have two choices, depending on your personality; you can storm in and have it out with her or you can completely cut her out of your life. Whichever suits you best.

I like Anya's suggestion about burning the paper.

Good luck whatever you decide.

Sorry you have been unwell vampire. It is a sad fact that there are some people who will use others for their own ends. I think it would be unwise to enter into any conversation with this person, sever contact and move on

vq

I hope your terrible experience with this person does not destroy your trust in people altogether.

If you feel unable to forgive her it would be better to try to move on and have no more to do with her at all.

You ask about never forgiving. It may be hard to forgive (but sometimes it can be therapeutic) but your aim should be to forget - to put it behind you as one of life's less pleasant experiences. There are good'uns out there, truly. It's that old saying about kissing a few frogs!

vampire I am sorry that you've been so ill and I do hope that you're feeling a bit stronger now
I know how it feels to be betrayed by someone that you trust, and I would be inclined to ignore her until you are feeling better and more able to cope with your feelings of anger and hurt.
It could easily set you back and she really isn't worth that.
(((hugs)))

Have you a Blocking thingy on your phone ?

Keep reminding yourself that it is not your fault (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Vampirequeen , It must be dreadful, when someone you know and trusted - and who knew your fragility - lets you down like this.

You do not give details, which is understandable, but whatever she did do you think it is because she is one of those insensitive people, who is completely unaware that betraying confidences or whatever, deeply distresses people? Or did she do it with malice aforethought. If the first, it would explain her subsequent behaviour. If the second her further behaviour is doubly offensive.

I share janerowena's experience. My relationship with my youngest sister was fraught with problems for over 40 years. With the deaths of both parents and younger sister, we have talked more and I discovered the cause of the problems was nothing to do with me. I was being punished because, as a child, she had misinterpreted our parents behaviour to her older sisters compared with her (she is quite a bit younger). I hasten to add we had loving parents who treated us all equally. Our relationship is now much more relaxed, but I am sad that there were such problems in our relationship for so long for reasons that could have been discussed and sorted so long ago.

I'm sorry you are feeling so distressed at the moment vampirequeen.

It is probably not a good idea to become too trusting of someone you have known for only a short time. I expect most of us have had the experience of thinking someone is really nice and then finding out they are not. I have found that people who initially seem especially confident, sociable and popular can sometimes also be very insensitive to other people's feelings.

I hope you can put this horrible experience behind you.

So sorry vq you must be feeling utterley bewilded. You should take your DH's advice and ignore her. She must have a split personality just to get in touch as though nothing has happened.Just cut her out of your life. The sad thing is it will make you wary of everyone and you may miss out on good people who could help you and be a friend.

When you are dealing with a mental health problem it is very difficult to know who to trust with information. You made a mistake with this lady, but do not beat yourself up about it. Be thankful that you have the support of your DH; and that you have come through.

The way forward for you is to put it behind you - if you dwell on it, it will eat away at you and compound your problems - no-one wants that.

There are and will be trustworthy people out there whom you can befriend - do not let one lot of burnt fingers put you off.

We have all been let down by people. You are not alone in this. Often it turns out that those people have problems of their own.

Take courage and move on as best you may.

All I can say is, what one person thinks of as unforgivable, can be considered as a small misdemeanour by another. One of my sisters upset another deeply. When I found out what the problem was I was astonished that such an unimportant thing (to me and the other sister) could have upset her so much. But the fact is - it did. It caused her to move away, and was the cause of all sorts of repercussions. If it had been me on the receiving end I would have gone round and yelled a bit, maybe been in a strop for a month and then thought, sod it, she's my sister. But two years on she's still not talking to my sister and has blocked her emails and calls.

I don't know what she's done to you, but have you asked her why? At the very least, you will get it off your chest, and she will realise there are boundaries she cannot cross.

Oh vampirequeen how awful for your kindness to have been so abused. I'm so sorry to hear you're poorly and hope you'll feel better soon.
Rant away (((hugs))) and love x

Oh vampirequeen <hugs>

You are not whinging.

Can I ask how well you knew this woman before you let her into your life?

Sorry to hear your been unwell. Beware of the pain festering and making you worse.

If it was me I'd have it out with her, but then I understand you may not be able to do that. In that case your DH us right, simply cut her out of your life.

Write her name on a piece of paper and set it on fire. Flush the ashes down the loo and move on. She's not worth it.

Don't know what happened, but sorry to hear you so upset, and sorry that you've been unwell too. Rant & whinge all you like!